Wine Thoughts

Wines for Our Wedding

2008-12-11T19:32:00.001-08:00

Well, I doubt that anyone still reads this blog, but if so, I'm getting married in two weeks. Of course, if you're a wine snob, then that means that you provide the wines for the wedding, and that's exactly what I'm doing.

Here's our wine list for the wedding:

Wine List

All of the wines on this list have special meaning to us. From our favorite French Chateauneuf du Pape, to wines from our friends Ted and Andrea Bechard in El Dorado County, each of these wines was selected because of some special meaning or memory it holds for us. We hope that you enjoy them as much as we have.

Sparkling Wine

Mumm Blanc de Noirs NV – Napa Valley

White Wines

Bechard Winery 2005 Sauvignon Blanc – Shenandoah Valley, CA
Clos du Bois 2005 Chardonnay “Calcaire” – Russian River Valley, CA
Domaine de la Terre Rouge 2006 “Enigma” – Sierra Foothills, CA
Holly’s Hill Vineyards 2007 Viognier – El Dorado, CA

Red Wines

Allegrini 2000 Palazzo della Torre – Veronese, Italy
Belle Glos 2005 Pinot Noir “Las Alturas Vineyard” – Santa Lucia Highlands, CA
Clos Saron 2003 “Black Pearl” – North Yuba, CA
Domaine de la Terre Rouge 2001 Syrah – Sierra Foothills, CA
E. Guigal 2001 Chateauneuf du Pape – Chateauneuf du Pape, France
Holly’s Hill 2005 “Patriarche” – El Dorado, CA
Jim Barry 2004 Shiraz “The Lodge Hill” – Clare Valley, Australia
Windwalker Vineyard 2003 “Lady in Red” – El Dorado, CA

There are a lot of Sierra Foothill wines on this list because it's our favorite place to go wine tasting, and we've make some great friends there. These are for the most part 'personal' wines. I took some high powered bottles of Napa Cabernet and French Bordeaux off this list because we'd never had them and they held no special memories for us. Everything that is left has a specific meaning or memory for us.

The Blind Tasting the Blind

2008-08-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

There's a new book out called "The Wine Trials" that says that most Americans can't tell the difference between Two Buck Chuck and Dom Perignon. Well, actually, that's not what it says. It says that Americans can tell the difference between Two Buck Chuck and Dom, and that they generally like the Two Buck Chuck better.

Being an America-hating liberal, my first reaction was "Typical. Americans are idiots. All hail the terrorists!"

However, "The Wine Trials" isn't an anti-American, pro-Obama screed. In fact, it's science in action. On second thought, that does make it anti-American.

What the authors of the book did was get a variety of wines, from the cheapest swill to the top French Bordeaux, put them in plain paper bags to hide their identity, serve them average Americans and wine experts alike, and then have these people blind taste and rate each wine. They had over 1500 people taste wines in cities all over the country.

In their tests, most people actually preferred the cheaper wines, or liked them just as well as the expensive stuff. The conclusion that the authors drew from this was that, for the average person, cheap wine is just as good as expensive wine.

My take was that if you’ve only eaten Velveeta, you're probably not going to like Gorgonzola. Just sayin'.

Anyway, I decided to test their hypothesis with my own blind tasting, so I invited friends, family, and a few homeless people over and served them six different full-bodied red wines, ranging in price from $1.99 to $45 a bottle, all disguised in brown paper bags to make us feel like genuine winos. With the exception of myself, no one in the group would publicly consider themselves to be a wine expert; for the most part people described themselves as either 'wine novices' or 'booze hounds'.

The results were enlightening. Easily the most popular wine overall was a 2005 Auriga Eldorado County Zinfandel ($25), a very fruit-forward, but decent zin. The least popular wine was the 2006 Trailer Trash South-Eastern Australia shiraz (I swear to God that I am not making that up). However, both my wife and daughter-in-law rated the Trailer Trash as their second favorite of the six, leading me to conclude that while my friends are OK, I might want to think about upgrading my family.

The rest were all somewhere in between. Here's the average ranking of all ten tasters:

Auriga 2005 Eldorado Zinfandel ($25)
Guigal 2001 Chateauneuf du Pape ($41)
St. Clement 2004 Oroppas ($45)
Terre Rouge 2001 Sentinel Oaks Syrah ($24)
Charles Shaw 2006 Cabernet Sauvignon ($1.99)
Trailer Trash 2006 Shiraz ($3.99)

If you compare the prices to the rankings, it seems clear that “The Wine Trials” is a crock of poo. The three most expensive wines were also the three highest rated wines. The Trailer Trash and the Two Buck Chuck came in dead last among the wines overall.

Unfortunately, even with the blatantly unqualified bunch of tasters that I had, there wasn’t a clear black and white verdict either way.

In fact, people were kind of all over the place with the wines. To my taste, the Terre Rouge syrah and the Guigal Chateauneuf du Pape were the two most similar wines. I ranked them first and second. But another taster ranked them last and first, respectively. Every wine but the Trailer Trash shiraz got at least one first place ranking among the ten tasters.

The comments were even more interesting. One taster said that the fancy French wine tasted like “robot vomit”, raising the disturbing question of how one would know what robot vomit tastes like. Another slammed the Charles Shaw for leaving “an asphalt-like coating on my tongue”. Descriptors like “urine & cleaning solution”, “hospitals”, “pencil shavings”, “ferocious”, and “gross” flowed like the wine.

The most divisive wine of the bunch was the Terre Rouge 2001 syrah. Five people rated it either first or second; four people rated it dead last. Comments ranged from “yummy”, “wow! juicy!”, and “very smooth, subtle” to “rubber, with a hint of vinyl factory”.

Despite the range of opinions, even among this group of drunkards, a pattern did emerge. In general, tasters could be divided into two distinct groups. The first group preferred more structured and complex wines, with some earthiness and moderate to well-developed fruitiness. The second group preferred simpler, fruitier wines, and strongly disliked earthier, “terroir-driven” wines.

The first group ranked the Terre Rouge syrah first overall and the Trailer Trash shiraz last. The second group ranked the Charles Shaw and the Trailer Trash tied for first overall and ranked the Terre Rouge dead last. Each group had essentially opposite tastes.

So, in a way, the authors of “The Wine Trials” got it right, or at least half right. Some Americans do prefer cheap wine to more expensive wine. But it’s also clear that some Americans like more expensive wines better.

In others words, some people like to drink good wine and some people like to drink crappy wine. But then, I didn’t need to do a fancy blind tasting to find that out, did I?

What I would take away from this is that if you like Charles Shaw, stick with it, because you’re wasting your money otherwise. But if you’re tired of the asphalt coating that Chuck leaves on your tongue, then you might want to think about spending a little more to get your wine fix.

Movin' On Down

2008-06-01T16:43:00.000-07:00

I’ve been living on the fringes of Paradise for the past eight years. Now I’m moving. To Chico. Chico sucks.

Now, before all you “Chicoans” come after me with torches and pitchforks like the bitter small town Americans you are, let me explain.

I love Chico. I really do. I work in Chico, and I love the downtown area. I love the fact that we have actual restaurants. I love that there’s music and entertainment. I love Bidwell Park. I love the fact that we have a Trader Joe’s.

But housing in Chico is another matter. After spending nearly a month looking at houses in Chico it became very clear: most Chico homes consist of cheap tract houses (I’m not even going to mention apartments and student housing). Whether it’s 50’s ticky tacky or 80’s ticky tacky – bad, poorly constructed, ugly, cheap tract houses on microscopic lots account for the bulk of Chico homes. Sure, there’s “the avenues”, with their charming old craftsman homes. And there’s Canyon Oaks, as if I could afford to live there (who does live there??). But overall, Chico houses are…well, pretty bad.

I know it’s hard to accept criticism of your beloved Chico, but take a deep breath, put down your guns and bibles, and you’ll be okay.

Fortunately, the longer I looked in Chico, the more nice pockets I found hidden in cul-de-sacs, amongst the blocks of schlock. In the end, I found a very nice house in a very quiet neighborhood, and I’m very happy. But I was really surprised and disappointed at the quality of homes in Chico (Instead of being mad at me, maybe you should be mad at the developers who have filled your beautiful town with such crap. I’m just sayin’.).

So, what could all that dreadful and uncalled-for Chico-bashing possibly have to do with wine? Well, like I said, I’m moving. I’m a wine snob. Wine snobs have wine ‘cellars’ filled with wine bottles delicately aging in cool, dark, quiet places.

And wine (and here I’m talking here about things like my 1998 Chateauneuf du Papes, 2000 Bordeaux, and my bottle of 1983 Beaulieu Rutherford Valley cabernet, not your cases of Carlo Rossi Hearty Burgundy) doesn’t like to be moved.

Huh? Come on, it’s just booze, right? What’s the big deal?

Well, first of all, there’s what is called “bottle shock”. I’m not sure that Bottle Shock, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy don’t all live in the same house (if you get my drift), but many oenophiles swear that when wine is agitated (as is “shaken”, not as in “coming off it’s anti-psychotic meds”), it closes down and loses it’s flavor and character. Fortunately, bottle shock is only temporary, lasting only a week or two before the wine recovers. Maybe. I’m not convinced, but I do treat my bottles with care when moving them.

The bigger problem, particularly in the summer in Chico, is heat. Bottle shock may be iffy, but heat is a real killer of wine – even of your Carlo Rossi. In fact, many wine retailers won’t ship wine during hot weather. I’m sure there’s nothing like a semi full of $100 Napa cabs sitting at a truck stop in Yuma in July while the driver has a lunch of chicken fried steak with a side of mashed taters.

What exactly does heat do? It does what you’d think it does: it cooks the wine. I’ve actually had bottles leak because the heat caused the wine to expand and push past the cork. Not good. How long does it take to ruin a wine with heat? That depends, but if your wine gets up to 100° degrees, you’re probably doing damage to it. If it stays there, you’re definitely doing damage to it. And even 85° can potentially damage wine if it’s kept at that temperature for long periods.

The real problem with moving in the heat isn’t so much the 30 minute drive down the hill. If you take the wine in your personal vehicle instead of letting the gorillas in the moving van have it, you can always turn the AC to “Pre-global Warming Antarctica” in order to keep your wine cool. Leaving the wine in the trunk while you join the truck driver for lunch is probably not quite as smart.

The bigger problem is keeping it cool once you get it down the hill. Storing the wine in the garage while you move the rest of your stuff probably isn’t a good idea. That’s why for me, the wine will be one of the last things to get moved. I want to make sure that I have a cool house and a cool wine fridge to move it into.

I also don’t want a bunch of uncivilized, ticky tacky living Chicoans breaking into my garage and downing my collection. That would make me bitter and want to cling to my guns. On second thought, I think I’m going to fit right in.

Murphy's Law

2008-02-02T15:43:00.000-08:00

March 7th Column {Josh - make sure the wines come out in bold so that they stand out}

A couple of weeks ago, my partner and I decided to get out of Dodge and do some wine tasting. So we headed to Murphys.

Murphys is an exceedingly cute, quaint little gold country town near Angels Camp (you know, of Mark Twain/Jumping Frog fame). It has also become an honest to God (Allah, Vishnu... take your pick) wine destination.

And for a number of good reasons.

First of all, as I said, it is an incredibly cute, tiny little town full of gold rush era buildings and country charm. Second, in an eight block area, it seemingly has more top quality restaurants than all of Chico . And third, that same eight block area contains over a dozen winery tasting rooms.

Where else can you go where you can visit a dozen wineries, eat at a fine restaurant, and then stagger back to your hotel room without having to hop in your Escalade and endanger the lives of all the peons on the road?

It's an ideal spot to spend a quick weekend wine tasting, and we had a wonderful time.

Ah, but what about the wines? I managed to taste – and take (often strangely illegible) notes on – 66 different wines in three days. Not bad. At that rate, I'll have my Certified Wino card in no time.

Sadly, I wasn't too impressed with the wines overall, though there were a few standouts. I was actually more impressed with the whites than the reds, an oddity that I'm at a loss to explain. The average score of all the wines I tasted was 2.6 stars, an emphatic “just OK”. No wine scored 4 stars or more, an indication of plenty of “room for improvement”.

Stevenot
For the most part, very worth missing, except for their 2006 Persuasion, made from the white Verdelho grape (a new one on me too). Very floral and buttery on the nose, with smooth, creamy, floral flavors that hint of sweetness. 3.25 stars.

Solomon
Overall, I'd have to say that this is one of the best wineries in the region, making some of the most interesting and complex wines I tasted. Solomon 2005 Seity Zinfandel - Clean, light, spicy cherry fruit on the nose with a hint of cinnamon. Nice smooth flavors, not too big or boozy. My kind of zin. 3.5 stars. Solomon 2004 Muse Mingle - A very simple, fun pizza wine. Extremely fruity, bubblegum and cherry aromas. Tons of cherry and berry flavors. Fun. 3.0 stars.

Milliare
Another of the many so-so wineries, but I was impressed by their 2006 Gewürztraminer. Very floral, with tropical and papaya aromas. Very crisp with a light touch of sweetness on the tongue. 3.0 stars.

Newsome-Harlow
Very nice people and a pleasant place to taste, but again, with mostly "eh" wines, except for another white, their 2007 Sauvignon Blanc . Very complex citrus and floral elements on the nose, with citrus and apricot flavors and a very smooth, clean finish. 3.0 stars.

Lavender Ridge
This was the other winery that impressed me. Good selection of Rhone varieties, both red and white. 2006 Cotes de Calaveras Blanc - A blend white Rhone varieties, very perfumed aroma with hints of lemon. very light and refreshing with apricot and peach flavors. 3.0 stars. 2005 Mourvedre - complex and earthy on the nose, with bright red raspberry flavors. Good balance and smooth finish. 3.5 stars.

Hatcher
This place was hopping with huge crowds, all being served by the one man band of Sewell Hatcher. This place is worth a visit just to see him juggle bottles and tipsy customers. Overall, the wines here were a cut above average. 2006 Viognier - light with a hint of citrus on the nose, light and almost sweet on the tongue with hints of honey and nectarine. 3.0 stars. 2006 'Quinn the Eskimo' Ice Wine - All honey and apricots on the nose, with intensely sweet light flavors, hinting of clover honey and vanilla. Yummy! 3.75 stars.

Frog's Tooth
Run by Gary and Larry, this is a brand new winery and one of the most promising. Their 2005 Tempranillo was particularly notable with a complex, earthy nose, and clean, bright red fruit flavors. Tannins are a bit aggressive now, but it benefit from cellaring. 3.75 stars.

Ironstone
This place is clearly the Microsoft of Murphy's wineries. A couple of miles outside of downtown, this place is absolutely huge. Six stories of winery, tasting room, test kitchens, concert venues, jewelry shops and museums (including a 44 pound hunk of gold). You'd expect a place like this to have overtly simple and commercial wines, but actually many of them were better made than those at the boutique wineries. 2006 Verdelho – Light and tropical nose, with crisp lemon peel and grapefruit flavors. 3.0 stars. 2005 Reserve Cabernet Franc – Spicy, green pepper aromas, with bright red fruit flavors, with an undercurrent of earthy green veggies. 3.25 stars.

Overall, though it's no Napa Valley wine-wise, Murphys get's two solid wine glasses up as a place to visit. We had some great meals there, tasted some decent wines, and just had a good, and affordable time.

As Arnold would say, “ve'll be back”.

Christmas Revisited

2007-12-27T22:09:00.000-08:00

For the January 25th issue.

Well, we did it. We made it through Christmas. As you may recall, my family was going to attempt to get through Christmas by exchanging only local gifts, or (failing that) at least not getting anything made in China.

This was a decidedly mixed experience, although a highly educational one. For example, did you know that every single thing for sale in the United States is made in China? I bet you didn't know that, but I can attest that it's 99.999% true.

I spent the last four days before Christmas frantically shopping for anything that wasn't made in China. Sure, I got some local wines for my editor, but I couldn't do that for everyone. We did manage to score a couple of DVDs for the grandkids that were made in Mexico, and I found a pasta strainer that was made in Thailand, but the overall end result of Christmas was that we all ended up trading almonds and gift certificates to local stores (stores, by the way, which are mostly stocked with crap made in China).

Not the most satisfying Christmas in that respect. But I did learn that we are completely dependent on our Chinese overlords for everything we own and use. All hail our Chinese overlords! Sigh. I wish I was kidding.

However, I did score a couple of great wine gifts that I can consume in an attempt to forget that America is now made in - and owned by - China.

First, I got a bottle of 2003 Beaulieu Vineyards Georges de Latour Private Reserve. Despite its French-sounding name, Beaulieu (or, more familiarly, "BV") is one of the oldest wineries in the Napa Valley. And aside from Inglenook (the real Inglenook, not that crappy box wine schlock), BV Georges de Latour Private Reserve is the wine that had the greatest impact in establishing California as a top wine-making region.

It's a wine with a long and fascinating history (and one my absolute favorites) but that's not the subject of this column. The subject of this column is the second wine gift I got: a gift certificate for Creekside Cellars.

My partner went way overboard and got me a $100 gift certificate. That's all great and everything except for the fact that we had agreed to keep things "under control" this year, and that, as a result, I only got her a $25 gift certificate to The Galley. Oops.

That will have to get straightened out later, after she lets me back in the house, but in the meantime I have $100 to spend on wine! Woohoo! There ain't nothin' as fun as buying wine... except of course drinking wine, but to do that you have to buy the wine first, so the way I figure it, it's a win-win situation all the way around.

The rules for using the gift certificate were the same as for Christmas: whatever I picked had to be from California. I could live with that.

My goal on this trip was to try to score a Cab and a Pinot, so right in the door at Creekside, I headed to the Cabernet rack. Silver Oak doesn't impress me, so I skipped that and went straight for the 2005 Caymus Special Selection, but at $170 a bottle it was way too rich for even my gift-certificated blood. Coming back to earth a bit, my eye was caught by the 2004 Justin Isosceles ($59.99) and the 2004 Larkmead Firebelle (meritage blend, $45.00).

Next, I moved to the Pinot Noir rack, which I would normally avoid since I think Pinots have gotten hugely over-priced in the past few years. But today, fortified with a gift certificate, I was attracted to several California Pinots, including the 2005 Belle Glos Las Alturas Vineyard $57.99), the 2005 Sea Smoke Southing ($51.99), and the 2005 Domaine Alfred Edna Valley Pinot ($41.99).

How did I finally decide? Like any smart shopper, I talked to the proprietor, Dennis McLaughlin. Now, my tastes and Dennis's don't always match, but I listened for characteristics I wanted to hear as he described each wine. For the Cabernet, I wanted big and smooth and accessible. Dennis's description of the Larkmead seemed to hit that pretty well. For the Pinot, I like lots of Pinot character, not too lean or subtle, and the Sea Smoke sounded like a full-bodied Pinot with plenty of complexity.

In the end I happily walked out with the Larkmead Firebelle, the Sea Smoke Point Noir and a bottle of 1999 Roederer Estate L'Hermitage Brut (Anderson Valley sparkling wine, $48.99). Of course, that's about $50 more wine than my gift certificate was worth, but hey, I needed the bubbly for New Year's Eve anyway.

Take aways: China sucks. Local stores rock. Gift certificates really are the perfect gift.

The "It" Wine Experience

2007-12-16T14:21:00.000-08:00

Column for Feb 8th.

Last Thanksgiving, my partner and I visited our parents in southern California. As the resident "wine expert", I was told to bring the wine for Thanksgiving dinner (a nice festive Mumm Blanc de Noirs).

Unfortunately, I didn't plan for dinner the day after Thanksgiving. We were going to one of my father's favorite Italian restaurants and I didn't have a bottle on hand – an embarrassing predicament for any resident wine expert.

Fortunately, I was sent out on an errand to purchase a lock to replace the one we were going to cut off of King Tut's tomb (AKA my mother-in-law’s 10x30 foot storage locker, the inside of which no one had seen for a quarter of a century and which you really don't want to get me started on because of the boxes of paper napkins stacked to the ceiling, not to mention 25 years of dust, sofas, Pittsburgh phone books and God only knows what else.).

Luckily, there was a high-end bottle shop next to the hardware store. After perusing their very nice selection for an hour or two, I picked a bottle of 2001 Rodney Strong Symmetry. I've always liked Rodney Strong's entry level Cabernet; it’s a pretty solid wine for the price. But I didn't really know anything about the Symmetry. It was just a lucky pick.

I'll skip over the whole deal with the rude waiter, but at least he opened the bottle and gave me a taste before pouring for everyone. That first taste told me that this wine was a cut above average, and as it developed in the glass, I began to realize that I was having the proverbial "it" wine experience.

What is the "it" wine experience? To your ordinary wino, it's that first taste of Thunderbird that convinces them that they could be happy spending the rest of their life living in an alley begging for enough spare change to buy their next bottle. To your extra-ordinary wine snob, on the other hand, it's usually that one glass or bottle that blew their mind and really turned them on to fine wine.

This bottle definitely blew my mind. Unfortunately, there's really no way to describe it. I've drunk a lot of wine in my life, but nothing like this. The Cabernets and Bordeaux I've been able to afford up until now pale in comparison, with ghostly faint suggestions of fruit and thin, spindly structures.

The Symmetry absolutely lived up to it's name, not only with incredibly dense dark flavors of blackberry, black cherry, chocolate, mocha and spices, but also with a wonderful balance, silky smooth tannins and a finish that seemed to go on for minutes. Every sip set off a cascade of stunning revelations.

It was a religious experience, and I could swear I felt the rapture quickly approaching.

Sadly, a bottle of wine split between five people only gives you one short glass to savor, and all too soon the experience was over. I was left like a penniless heroin addict, craving more, more, more. I went into withdrawal almost immediately, and was pale, shivering and incoherent by the end of dinner.

I went back to rob the shop where I got the bottle, but discovered that there was no more. I shot up the place in a rage and left. Then I stole a car and raced back to Chico, avoiding the law at every turn. I searched for the wine online, only to find it nearly impossible to find or incredibly expensive when I did find it. I started stealing TVs and car stereos to pay for my addiction, but to little avail. Eventually, I was caught robbing a liquor store (go figure) and sentenced to 3-5 years.

Or so it sometimes seems. Strange as it is to say, that one bottle of wine really changed my life – and not for the better. No longer does a “decent” bottle of wine suffice for Wednesday night dinner. Every bottle I drink, I compare to that 2001 Symmetry. It doesn’t matter what it is, a $10 Zinfandel or a $70 Napa Cabernet. It gets compared to that one bottle and inevitably comes up wanting.

Like an oenophilic adrenalin junkie, I’m now on a perpetual search for another “it” wine experience, spending hundreds of dollars in just the past couple of weeks on various Napa cabs and Bordeaux.

I thought having an “it” wine experience would be a good thing, but all it’s done is raise my taste beyond the reach of my checkbook. I think the only cure is to “recalibrate” my palate, and the only way to do that is with a bottle of Thunderbird. So, if you see me in an alley somewhere, be kind and toss me some change.

Think Globally by Shopping Locally

2007-11-25T15:13:00.000-08:00

Last year, I grudgingly succumbed to the consumerism of the season and wrote a column on gifts for the wine snob in your life. Personally, I've never been a big believer that "the Christmas spirit" = "a frenzy of consumption", but I'm pretty much alone on that one.

In the intervening year, we've had revelation after revelation about the unintended consequences of global consumerism, particularly with respect to the waves of unsafe Chinese goods flooding this country. Fortunately for our health, China is not a wine exporting nation. God only knows what they'd put in wine to cut costs.

To me, this rude awakening of American consumers to the impact of importing goods from far-flung corners of the world (where health, safety and environmental controls are almost non-existent) is a darn good thing.

Maybe it will make us re-examine the meaning of Christmas. Maybe. Maybe it will make us re-examine our obsession with consumption. Doubtful. At the very least, it (and the cost of transportation) may refocus our priorities toward consuming more locally, where we have greater control over freshness, quality and safety.

This Christmas, our family has decided to begin moving in that direction.

We've agreed that all gifts are going to be local in nature. Gift cards will be to local stores instead of global chains (e.g., Lyon Books instead of Barnes & Nobles). Gifts will be from local makers, or at least from California. Nothing from China will be bought or exchanged.

That will be pretty tough on gifts for the grandchildren, since China makes three-quarters of the world's toys. But for the adults it's less problematic. Sure, there won't be any consumer electronics being exchanged, but what about the cornucopia of great foods that come out of the Sacramento Valley? There are wonderful local walnuts, almonds and olives available. And Chico has more than one great local bakery.

Walnuts instead of a Nintendo Wii? Yes, there's no doubt that it will take a little re-thinking of what to give at Christmas, and of what makes a great Christmas gift. But to me, the eternal Christmas curmudgeon, that's exactly what we need to do anyway.

Of course, there's a practical limit to how local we are going to get this year. We've agreed on California as our definition of "local", so we won't be limited to just almonds and walnuts.

Fortunately for me, California just happens to be the premier wine producing region on the entire continent. That made it real easy to say, "Sure, honey, only buying stuff from California for Christmas sounds like a great idea," instead of, "Honey, have you gone completely crackers?!? They don't make HDTVs in California!"

For you, it might be a bit more difficult, but if you want to keep gas prices down, discourage child and slave labor, mitigate environmental damage, and boost our local economy, you might just give it a thought. Or you can go on being a big fat ugly American pig. It's up to you.

So, what do I recommend you get for the wine lover in your life this year?

How about some local wines? In my last column, I rated over a dozen local wines. In general terms, I can recommend a bottle of pretty much anything from either New Clairvaux or Bertagna Son Kissed Vineyards. I'm consistently impressed with New Clairvaux's whites, particularly the Viognier and the Albariño, and the Bertagna Barbara is one of the best local wines being produced.

How about a wine club membership at one of our local wineries? I know that New Clairvaux, Grey Fox and Quilici all have wine clubs.

Failing that, how about a gift certificate at Creekside Cellars, Vino 100 or Monks? Yes, yes, Vino 100 is a chain, but it's a franchise, so most of their income stays here. Of course, you'll only be buying California wines with those gift certificates, right?

Beyond the strictly local, there are literally thousands of California wines to choose from as gifts. I can't imagine that I really need to list any, but here's a couple of personal favorites worth thinking about.

Mumm Napa Blanc de Noirs
A lightly salmon-colored sparkling wine from the Napa Valley (duh), this non-vintage Blanc de Noirs is a quintessential Christmas and New Year's bubbly. About $14. 4 stars.

La Crema 2005 Sonoma County Pinot Noir
For less than $20, this is one of the best Pinot Noirs I've tasted. 4.25 stars.

Top 10 Wines of 2007

2007-11-13T21:01:00.000-08:00

Column for Jan 11th.

Each year, every wine magazine, wine blog, and wine writer on the planet lists their top 10 wines for the past year. Not wanting to be left out of any pointless trend, I herewith list the top 10 wines I've drunk in the past twelve months. Of course, I can't really imagine why anyone would care about my favorite wines of the year, but nevertheless, here goes.

10. Allegrini 2000 Palazzo Della Torre
I managed to score the last two bottles of this vintage that CostPlus had, and then repeated the same trick at Creekside Cellars. The 2001, which is still on store shelves is a much less impressive wine in my opinion. This is a wonderful Italian wine, big, dense and earthy, but not so overpowering that it can only be drunk with food. A fantastic deal for about $20 - if you can find it. 4.25 stars.

9. La Crema 2005 Sonoma County Pinot Noir
This may not be the best Pinot in the world, but the problem with Pinot is finding something halfway decent under $20. A solid Pinot is going to set you back $40-60. Well, for about $17, this wine delivers. Wonderful hints of Pinot funk on the nose, matched with a delicate finesse on the palate. For the price, this wine is a deal and well worth seeking out. 4.25 stars.

8. Jackson-Triggs 2004 Vidal Ice Wine VQA
Ice wines are made by leaving the grapes on the vine all the way into winter and until they freeze hard as rocks. In the process, a lot of water is removed from the grapes, leaving behind an almost pure syrup. A beautifully clear golden yellow color, this has clear notes of honey, apricot and peach. I love this stuff. Not cheap, though. A 187ml bottle (a quarter of a regular wine bottle) runs about $20. 4.5 stars.

7. Windwalker 2002 Lady in Red
Windwalker is probably the best winery in the Fair Play region of Eldorado County, and Lady in Red (a classic Bordeaux-style blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, and Malbec) easily the most complex and developed wine they produce. Easy to mistake for a Napa Valley Cab. An incredible wine. 4.5 stars.

6. Cloud 9 Composition
I had a glass of this at Monks, so I don't know the vintage, but this was a fine, fine wine, and tasted like a classic Napa Valley Cabernet, with massive dark fruit backed by great depth and complexity. A strange cross-regional blend of Tempranillo, Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah, Petite Verdot, and Barbera. Big, smooth and classy. 4.5 stars.

5. Alvear Pedro Ximenez Solera 1927
This stuff is the nectar of the gods, a fantastically dense and sweet Montilla sherry, with a flavor like honeyed raisins. If you like great port, you might just love this. Is this wine really from 1927? Well, a few drops of it are. A solera is a way of blending wine, where a bit of this year's wine is blended with last years, a bit of that is mixed with the wine from the year before that... and so on. The last barrel in the chain contains a little bit from every vintage since they started making the wine - in this case, 1927. 4.5 stars.

4. Terre Rouge 2000 Sierra Foothills Syrah
Terre Rouge is hands down the best winery in the Shenandoah Valley of Amador County, consistently producing the most refined and complex Rhone-style wines of any winery in the region. And even though this isn't their top-of-the-line Syrah, it's my clear favorite. Wonderfully earthy flavors, layered with well-developed dark fruit flavors and a mellow complexity. Fantastic. 4.75 stars.

3. Napa Redwoods Estate 2002 Alden Perry Reserve
This is a truly fantastic wine - deep, dark and complex, with ripe black fruit flavors, hints of chocolate and mocha, and well structured tannins. Wonderfully dense and concentrated. Made from 60% Cabernet Sauvignon, 30% Cabernet Franc, and 10% Merlot, this is what a Napa Meritage should taste like. For about $50 a bottle, this isn't a cheap wine, but it certainly demonstrates the level of quality you can get from Napa Valley at that price. 4.75 stars.

2. Guigal 2001 Chateauneuf du Pape
This is one of my favorite wines of all time. Amazingly complex and floral, this wine just keeps developing aromas and flavors the longer it's open. Simply stunning, and a treat every time I've had it. Made of 80% old Grenache, 10% Syrah, and 5% Mourvèdre and other grapes, this wine demonstrates the incredible finesse that Grenache-based wines can have. I think Creekside Cellars still has a bottle or two of this wine. Not cheap at $42, but worth the experience at least once. 5.0 stars.

1. Rodney Strong 2001 Symmetry
An absolutely stunning effort. This wine took me completely by surprise. I was expecting something good, but not this good. Amazingly rich black berry, black cherry and roasted mocha flavors, with incredible structure and a silky smooth finish. In a league of its own. A Meritage blend of 73% Cabernet Sauvignon, 20% Merlot, 7% Cabernet Franc, this is top shelf stuff. Of course, at $55 a bottle, you damn well better get wine of this quality. Mind blowing. 5.0 stars.

Locals Only

2007-11-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

More than once in this column I've bashed local wines. Well, I wouldn't say "bashed" exactly. Let's just say I've "critically evaluated" local wines. Yeah, I like that.

As a result, I'm probably not the most popular wine critic in town with some of the local wineries (we're going to skip over the fact that, as far as I know, I'm the ONLY wine critic in town).

So it was with some trepidation that I went to Vino 100 a few Fridays ago for their "Locals Night" tasting, featuring wines and wine makers from six local wineries.

In the crowded confines of their tasting area, a shiv to the ribs, wine critic falls to the floor in a pool of blood, who would know who held the knife? Or worse, a glass of "Special Reserve", aged eighteen months in arsenic-laced oak barrels. Monday morning, wine critic doesn't show up for work, no way to tell which winery did the job.

So yeah, I'm no sissy, but I was scared for my life when I went in there. Fortunately, everyone was extremely nice, and my Kevlar vest saved my life more than once.

For all I know, you were there too. I went early to beat the crowds, but by 6:00 the place was literally packed. There were probably 60 people trying to crowd around 6 tiny little tasting tables. In a way, it was actually kind of ridiculous trying to pack all those people into the back of the store when the whole front area was empty. If Vino 100 is going to do these kinds of events - and they're going to be this successful - they really need to expand the tasting area.

The big question, of course, is "how were the wines"?

Quilici Vineyards

Let's start with Quilici. A few months back I “critically evaluated” their 2003 Barbara. It actually was a pretty terrible, borderline undrinkable, wine. I gave it one star, and was being kind. Fortunately, the 2004's are literally night and day. Quality has stunningly improved, to the point where I can actually recommend a couple of their wines.

Quilici 2004 Sangiovese – This was one of the best wines of the evening. Very meaty, with good acidity and balance. This wine hit all the classic characteristics of a good Chianti right on the head. 3.0 stars.

Quilici 2004 Barbara – Very funky, delicious, earthy aroma. Tart, with strawberry notes and just the tiniest hint of residual sugar. 2.75 stars.

Bertagna Son Kissed Vineyards

Next up were Bert and Carol Bertagna. A young and very fun couple, they were probably the newest to wine-making of the wineries at the tasting. But that didn't mean that their wines weren't worth drinking.

Bertagna 2005 Sangiovese – Very light aroma with hints of raspberry. Very smooth flavors, light in body, simple, but extremely pleasant and drinkable. The casual wine drinker will love this, as will just about anyone. 3.0 stars.

Bertagna 2005 Barbera – Wow…amazingly complex and fascinating aroma. Hints of toast and bacon, with a pure creaminess running all the way through it. I know it sounds like creamed chipped beef on toast, but this was wonderful. On the tongue it starts out tart, but evolves rapidly in complexity and depth and finishes smooth. A phenomenal effort, but probably not for everyone. 3.75 stars.

Bertagna 2005 Mestizo – I've already reviewed this wine in a previous column, but it's worth mentioning again. A very smooth, pleasant and mellow wine. Not fantastically complex, but well made. 3.0 stars.

LaRocca Vineyards

The LaRocca's weren't there, but their wines were. Unfortunately, these were easily the most “critically evaluated” wines being poured that night. Though their Chardonnay was actually drinkable, the rest were, sadly, not. Here are my actual tasting notes:

LaRocca 2005 Sutter County Zinfandel – Stinky, sulphur, burnt match. Horrible taste, burnt rubber. Undrinkable. 0.5 stars.

LaRocca 2006 Sutter County Merlot – Spicy, with a hint of rubbing alcohol. Off balanced, burnt/cooked flavor. 1.5 stars.

LaRocca 2005 Sutter County Cabernet Sauvignon – Musty, bad musty, petrol and mold aromas. Bad musty, mold flavors. 1.0 stars.

Grey Fox Vineyards

Grey Fox was the first winery I ever visited (aww...isn't that sweet). Their wines have been kind of up and down in my view. Often the best bets are their varietal ports.

Grey Fox 2003 Merlot – Very light aroma, with some floral notes. Lightish on the tongue as well, with decent body, red fruits, and a smooth finish. 2.5 stars.

New Clairvaux

In a way, New Clairvaux has become the “rock star” local winery, mostly because they came right out of the gate a few years back with some solid wines and haven't looked back.

New Clairvaux 2007 Viognier – That's right - 2007. This wine is still in tanks, so it's not even a finished product, and by the time it's bottled, it will be much more mellow than this bubbly, exuberant youngster. Still, what an incredible fun wine! Seriously tropical flavors, very clean and crisp with hints of green apple and pineapple. And the light fizziness was fun as well. 3.25 stars.

The awards for the night are as follows (like me handing out “awards” has any real meaning):

Best red wine: Bertagna 2005 Barbara
Best white wine: New Clairvaux 2007 Viognier
Best wines overall: Bertagna Son Kissed Vineyards
Most improved winery: Quilici Vineyards

Is Riesling Really That Unreasonable?

2007-11-07T20:24:00.000-08:00

Column for February 22nd.

Lately I've been on a serious Indian/Thai food jag. I love that stuff. I just love it. Seriously, I wanna mainline curry. You got it - melt it down on a spoon, pour it into a syringe, and shoot it up. Snort it. Smoke it. Whatever. Just gimme. I could eat breakfast at Sophie's, lunch at Cocodine and dinner at Priya every day.

There's probably something seriously wrong with me, but I don't care. I want to dip some naan in a nice lamb korma sauce. And I want to do it RIGHT NOW!

The only problem for this winoholic is - you guessed it - what wine to pair with my delectable Thai or Indian feast.

Well, that's easy. In my not so humble opinion Riesling is THE wine to pair with Indian and Thai food (mmmm... Massaman curry). Why? A good Riesling is very balanced but also very acidic, and that acidity acts as a great counterbalance to the food, cutting through the spiciness without overwhelming or masking the food's flavor. The light sweetness of some Rieslings can contribute to that effect.

The problem is finding a decent Riesling in Chico.

I mean really, what could be so hard about just one place in town stocking a few decent Rieslings? Let's see...

Trader Joes... I was there yesterday (and I blame them for this rant). A wall o' Chardonnay and Sauvignon Blanc? Absolutely. Sweet plonky Liebfraumilch and Piesporter Michelsberg? Sure 'nuff. Riesling? Two bottles. Seriously.

CostPlus... a couple bottles of sweet, cheap, low end German swill is about it.

Vino 100... sadly ditto. Just a couple of sticky sweet bottles.

Creekside Cellars... I think they have one, and it's from California.

The best Riesling I've bought locally I found at Safeway. I mean really, what's up with that?

I just can't believe that there isn't the demand. A good dry Riesling should go well with a wide variety of seafoods, light chicken dishes, cheese, as well as the Masala and Paneang that I lust for.

I think part of the problem is that it's very hard to know what's in the bottle until you taste it. Rieslings run from virtually bone dry to so sweet that they're denser than syrup. And it doesn't always say on the outside of the bottle how dry or sweet the wine on the inside is (or if it does, its in impenetrable German). And there is nothing more disappointing than opening a bottle expecting to find something crisp and dry only to discover corn syrup.

The Germans came up with an oh-so-typically complex grading scheme for Rieslings, but in the interest of brevity, we'll skip the bulk of it.

Of the 847 different classifications of German Riesling, Kabinett is the driest and best to pair with food. and Spatese (spaht-LAYS-uh) is a bit sweeter but still OK, depending on your taste. Beerenauslese (beer-en-oss-LAYS-uh) and Trockenbeerenauslese (say-THAT-three-times-fast) are super sweet, dense and complex wines that you flat out can't get here, so don't even worry about it. And even if you could get them, you couldn't afford them.

The key thing to look for on the label of German Rieslings is the word "trocken", which means "dry". "Halbtrocken" means "half dry", and "half dry" means "really, really sweet", so you're going to want to avoid that, unless you think white Zinfandel is just a little bit too dry for your tastes.

Of course, all of these wonderful German tongue-twisters go straight out the window when you start talking about non-German Rieslings. And you can't find any decent German Rieslings in Chico anyway.

So what's a Tandoori hound to do?

Bottom line is that you're going to have to take some chances on getting some too-sweet wines, and you may need to turn to the Internet if you want to score some decent Rieslings.

Best bets? Washington makes some great Rieslings. Chateau Ste. Michelle is actually making a name for themselves in the world of affordable Rieslings. And you can find them in any grocery store. Australia is also starting to make some respectable Rieslings. Aussie Rieslings tend to be completely dry, so they're worth a try if you can find them.

And as I reported a couple of columns ago, the Finger Lakes region of New York is kicking out some fine offerings as well. Emailing or calling the wineries and asking about their driest offerings might not be a bad approach, even though you're still basically shooting in the dark.

Personally, I would express my disappointment in Riesling selection to my local retailer in the hope that they will try to stock a wider, better, and drier selection.

Recent favs:

Tierce 2005 Dry Riesling (Available from Fox Run Vineyards)
Chateau Ste. Michelle 2006 Columbia Valley Riesling (available at Safeway)
Plantagenet 2006 Riesling South Australia (wonderful and dry, available at Creekside Cellars)

Almost Live from New York

2007-10-14T20:20:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to Rochester, New York, on a junket paid for by your tax dollars. Lucky me.

Upstate New York is actually a real live, serious wine growing area, particularly the Finger Lakes region, about 45 minutes south of Rochester. There was no way I was going to pass up a wine tasting opportunity, so I got to Rochester early and spent a day sampling the local wares.

First of all, regardless of the quality of the wines, the Finger Lakes are incredible. A series of long narrow lakes (the longest is nearly 40 miles long) set in glacial depressions, they are surrounded by beautiful rolling, forested countryside. Though not mountainous by California standards, the views from the hillside wineries were breathtaking. I got there just as the fall colors were starting to turn, and could tell that it must be amazing at it's peak, particularly set against those gorgeous lakes.

And the lakes are the whole reason that this is a wine making area. Apparently, the deep lake water moderates winter temperatures enough so that the vines can survive and produce wine grapes.

But what kind of wine do they produce? A lot of these east coast states produce absolutely vile, sickly sweet concoctions made from indigenous grape varieties or mulberries or some other damn thing. Being a California ("Cali" in east coast parlance - apparently, right coasters have difficulty pronouncing anything with more than two syllables.) wine snob, I wasn't about to be down with some weird pink syrupy crap.

Well, guess what? They do make some of that nasty, undrinkable syrupy fruit stuff. I shudder even to think about it. I visited the New York Wine and Culinary Institute at Lake Canandaiqua (unmissable and well worth the visit if you are anywhere in the area, BTW), and tried some Montezuma Winery Cranberry Bog.

You got it - a cranberry wine. Think of Boone's' Farm Strawberry Hill, but made with cranberries. Cloying. Gawd awful. According to the staff, this is one of the most popular wines they sell. No comment on what that says about their clientele. Zero stars. I'm still washing my mouth out after tasting that.

Another "area for improvement" are their red wines. Now I have to admit that they've come a long way since I was there last year (either that, or we've learned which reds to avoid), but if you're used to "Cali" reds I highly recommend giving their reds a miss. Supposedly their strong suit is Cabernet Franc, but most of the ones I tasted were seriously flawed.

A good (bad??) example was the Osprey's Dominion 2004 Cabernet Franc. A very light wine, extremely over-oaked to hide the flaws and lack of fruit flavors. A strong, almost overwhelming vanilla aroma gave me a headache. Tart and bitter. One star for not actually making me vomit.

Another example of how far they have to go on their reds was the 2004 Red Newt Finger Lakes Cabernet Sauvignon... with a residual sugar of 0.5 percent. Say what? A half a percent sugar? That means it's a lightly sweet wine. A sweet Cabernet?? What planet are you people from?!? Oh, and the taste of this wine? Do you really have to ask? Minus 2 stars for being so weird that I had to try it (against my better judgment).

OK, so is the Finger Lakes a total wash? No. In fact they actually make some great wines here, but you have to winnow them out from the seas of sweet plonk.

Probably the greatest wines the Finger Lakes make are Rieslings. Yep, those light, tart wines that go great with Asian food.

But you do have to be careful, because these right coasters just love their sweet wines, and that goes for Rieslings as well. But if you search hard enough (and move up to the higher grade stuff), you can find some real gems. I'm a particular fan of Fox Run Rieslings, which run from fairly sweet to completely dry.

My favorite from this trip was the Tierce 2005 Dry Riesling (made by a consortium of Fox Run, Anthony Road and Red Newt wineries). This was a truly dry wine. No overwhelming fruit flavors, but great structure and acidity. Very complex and well designed. This was the best wine I tasted on the trip. 4.0 stars.

One other thing they do well in upstate New York are ice wines. These are wines made from grapes left on the vine and allowed to freeze in the winter. The freezing removes a lot of water from the grapes, leaving behind an intensely sweet and concentrated juice. The resulting wine is intense and super sweet - and not for everyone. Personally, I love to sip it or pour it over ice cream.

One standout ice wine from this trip was the Mazza Chautaugua 2005 Lake Erie Vidal Ice Wine. Yummy! Extremely sweet and honeyed, with strong notes of apricots and muskmelon. Very dense and intense. 3.75 stars.

So the basic take aways from the Finger Lakes region are: Avoid the reds unless you want to try some weird, undrinkable swill. Focus on the whites - particularly the Rieslings and Gewürztraminers - but be prepared for a lot of sweet wines. Move up to the premium offerings for the most dry - and most drinkable - stuff. And avoid the fruit wines unless you are a complete masochistic idiot.

Good n' Cheap

2007-10-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

The cover of October 31st Wine Spectator (yes, I subscribe to Wine Spectator, live in a huge mansion of a house, and drive a brand new SUV, but I swear I'm poor as a church mouse - those things being the main reasons why) screams in 120 point type "GREAT VALUES - 250 Top Picks - $20 or Less!".

Two hundred and fifty rockin' wines for under $20?? I am all over that action, no doubt about it. Good and cheap is exactly where I'm at. But as you well know if you bother to read this column regularly, "good and cheap" is almost an oxymoron when it comes to wine.

So (swear to God) I clutched my Wine Spectator in my greedy little hands and marched into the local Safeway and CostPlus stores prepared to score some killer wine bargains. Semi-surprisingly, they actually had several of the wines listed in the article. Here-in I review several of them for your libationous edification.

Yellow Tail 2005 Southeast Australia Shiraz "The Reserve"
This is not the $5.99 a bottle cheap stuff (which actually ain't half bad for the price). "The Reserve" is the next step up, but still under $10. Lots of dark, roasted fruit on the nose - blackberry, black cherry, with hints of roasted coffee and eucalyptus. On the tongue, big and smooth as silk. Truckloads of huge ripe fruit flavors. Not layered or complex; just a fruit-lovers paradise. Rich and well integrated, this stuff goes down smooth. WS: 90 pts. Me: 3.75 stars. $9.43 (Safeway).

Columbia Crest 2004 Grand Estates Columbia Valley Merlot
I've never been a big Columbia Crest fan. Their wines are generally pretty generic and blah. But Wine Spectator liked this one, so what the heck. A whammy of vanilla on the nose, with hints of chocolate, mocha and black fruit. The smooth vanilla flavor carries over to the taste, but becomes a bit too dominant. Sadly, very little fruit on the midpalate (OK class, what's the wine tasting term for this? That's right, "hollow". Very good!), and a slightly awkward finish. Not worth bothering with. WS: 90 pts. Me: 2.5 stars. $6.99 (Safeway).

Geyser Peak 2005 Alexander Valley Chardonnay
If you read this column, you know I'm not a chardonnay fan, but this wine wasn't objectionable. Light and buttery on the nose, with a touch of hay. On the tongue is was bright and creamy, with a smooth finish and a surprising - and not unpleasant - touch of sweetness. Wonderful lack of oakiness. I could actually drink this. WS: 86 pts. Me: 3.0 stars. $7.98 (Safeway).

Chateau Ste. Michelle 2006 Columbia Valley Riesling
Dry on the nose,with strong aromas of grapefruit and lemon peel. Faint hints of apricot, hay and herbs. On the tongue there's an explosion of flavor, and a surprising and pleasant frizzante (fizz). Yum! Just slightly sweet, with bright lime flavors, along with hints of pineapple and papaya. Good acidity cleanses the palate and keeps the wine from becoming cloying. Best served well chilled (freezing cold). Very tropical and fun. We have a winner! WS: 86 pts. Me: 4.0 stars. $5.99 (Safeway).

Perrin & Fils Cotes du Rhone Reserve 2005
Very bright, acidic aroma, with a hint of red berries, dust and (there just isn't any other description for it) pork chops. Very light on the tongue, with good structure, but faint fruit and rather firm tannins. The lack of fruit flavors is typical for a cheap French wines. Overall, something of a blah wine; not bad but not too much of anything. WS: 87 pts. Me: 2.75 stars. $11.99 (CostPlus).

Bodega Norton Malbec Lujan de Cuyo Reserva 2005
Rich and drak aromas, with hints of roast beef. Deep and mellow. Not as profound on the palate, with bright red fruits. A bit acidic with mild tannins. A bit disappointing for the price. WS: 88 pts. Me: 2.75 stars. $14.39 (CostPlus)

The Riesling was the big winner here, but actually none of these wines were hideous. Wine Spectator often gets ripped for overrating plonky wines, but these were all passable, particularly for the price.

Bottom line: Eureka! There IS good wine under $10! Get a copy of that issue of Wine Spectator and treasure it.

Pilgramage to the Holy Land

2007-10-04T17:16:00.000-07:00

Those of you who aren't devotees of the temples of Global Mass Consumerism (heathen infidels! - may you burn in the 7th layer of hell for all eternity!) may not be aware that Costco (may their beneficence always shine on us!) has opened a new church ...er... store here in Chico. But it's true; behind the old Costco stands a gleaming new temple to mass consumption.

As a devoted believer, I hastened to pay homage at my first opportunity. Ostensibly, I went to worship at the printer cartridge aisle, but I knew I couldn't resist taking a peek at their new wine selection while I was there.

The parking was crazy as ever; worse in fact, now that there was a large open area in front of the doors with criss-crossing traffic and people dropping off worshipers. You'd think that people going to worship would be more charitable to their fellows, but I guess Global Consumerism isn't a very charitable god. The ushers at the door checked my Costco believer card, but my eyes were already focused on the grandeur beyond.

As befits any temple or church, I was in awe the moment I entered. I felt that I had truly entered a holy place. A phalanx of HDTVs greeted me as I made my way, slack-jawed in wonder, into the cavernous temple. Huge racks of consumer products soared three stories into the air, and disappeared into the dim distance. Two huge refrigeration units towered at the far end of the store like twin white Kaabas, chilling frozen pizzas and mozzarella cheese. Verily, this was a true consumer mecca.

I knelt in humility and prayed that my credit limit was worthy of such riches.

I paid my perfunctory respects to the print cartridge aisle (ten times as many cartridges as before, Consumerism be praised!), and then I spotted the wine aisle.

I almost trembled with reverence and anticipation as I approached.

It was huge; nearly twice as long as the old wine case and taller. And the wine selection! I fell to the floor and prostrated myself before riches I never thought I would ever have the honor to see in person. I had made it, it was becoming clear, to the Promised Land.

Here’s just a partial list of the wonders revealed before my eyes:

Dominus 2003 - $100
Opus One 2003 - $130
Chateau Mouton Rothschild 2004 - $159
Chateau d’Yquem 2003 - $159 (375ml)
Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2004 - $165
Chateau Margaux 2004 - $166
Penfolds Grange 2002 - $200
Clarendon Hills Astralis 2004 - $250

Now, Costco has always had a few bottles of high end wines; a couple of bottles of Chateau Haut-Brion ($158) here, a few bottles of Dom Perignon there. But two full cases of Clarendon Hills Astralis? That represented $6000 of wine sitting right in front of me! I could literally reach out and touch a dozen of the most highly-acclaimed wines on the planet.

Truly I must have died and gone to Heaven, where world-class wines flow like milk and honey.

But then a heretical thought entered my mind: Who the hell in Chico is going to buy all this premium juice? Are there really enough rich, snotty Chicoans to buy up 30 bottles of Chateau d’Yquem at $159 a pop?

Counting up the number of bottles in stock for just the wines listed above, I came up with a total retail value of over $26,000! And that’s just the ones I chose to list. There were dozens of other pricey wines on the racks as well.

Admittedly, most of these are “good” prices for these wines. 2004 Mouton Rothschild typically goes for between $190 and $250 a bottle. So $160 is a pretty darn good deal (in as much as $160 could ever be a good deal for a bottle of spoiled grape juice).

I'm just not sure that there are enough people in this podunk valley town to buy all this pricey vino. And truth to be told, as much as I love wine, and as much as I am a true devotee of the Church of Costco, these wonderful, sacred, holy wines were too rich for my own wallet. I was not worthy of such bountiful riches, and CapitalOne knows it.

In the end, my tithe was limited to a bottle of 2005 Yangarra Estates McClaren Yale Shiraz ($18.69) and a bottle of 2005 Avalon Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon ($9.59) - testament to the sorry state of my financial soul.

I know the gods of Global Consumerism are disappointed in me, and I promise to devote my days and nights and weekends to working tirelessly to become worthy of such fine goods. Praise be!

Talk Like an Expert

2007-09-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

The key to impressing your friends when it comes to wine isn't buying a $130 bottle of Opus One, or even a $1300 bottle of 1985 Guigal La Landonne Cote Rotie, because, let's face it, they can't tell the difference between that and a bottle of 2006 Red Truck.

The real key to impressing your friends (and readers of your wine column) is tossing out wine tasting jargon left and right like you were born doing it. Being able to expertly handle your wine tasting terminology is the key to getting people to believe that you really do know what the hell you are talking about.

Now, you could make up a bunch of terms (like I'm about to), and likely no one would be the wiser. But it's probably better to use an “approved list”, like the one that follows.

Use these terms liberally when in the presence of friends and acquaintances.

Austere – Refers to a wine that is unforthcoming with its flavors, especially fruit flavors, due to youth, excessive tannins or acidity, or just because it's a crappy wine. Young French wines tend to be austere and may need years to open up. “Boy, that cheap French wine was so austere I think it was just tannin and alcohol.”

Backbone – The structure given to a wine by its tannins and/or acidity. A wine with fruit but little tannin or acidity is often seen as shapeless or flabby. “The tannins gave the wine a firm, but not overpowering, backbone upon which to hang loads of succulent fruit flavors.”

Balance – The taste of wine is made up of fruit, sweetness, acidity, tannin and alcohol. Balance refers to the way in which these components blend and harmonize. “The waves of overpowering alcohol in this wine really throws it off balance.”

Complexity – Definitely different than balance, complexity refers to presence of, interplay between, and evolution of flavors from the moment the wine first touches your tongue until the end of the finish after you swallow. “That Sutter Home merlot had about as much complexity as a rock.”

Crisp – Refers to a good level of acidity in white wines that makes them taste clean and refreshing. “The stunning crispness of this sauvignon blanc contributes to its excellent backbone and fine structure… or some such BS as that.”

Finish – The final, lingering taste of a wine after you swallow it. Can be short or long, harsh or smooth, complex or simple, fruity, earthy, tannic, tart or bitter. A longer finish is typical of better wines. “The finish on that merlot vanished faster than a politician when the lights are turned on.”

Flabby - Used in reference to white wines lacking sufficient acidity to give them good structure. The opposite of crisp. "That Riesling was the flabbiest glass of plonk I've had in a long time.”

Forward – The opposite of austere, a wine whose flavors are big, obvious, and readily apparent. California and Australian wines tend to be more forward than European wines. “This is a typically fruit-forward, Australian shiraz.”

Hollow – Lacking flavor, particularly fruit flavor, on the midpalate (see, below). “Nice acidity, but the fruit was so hollow that I could barely taste it.”

Hot – Refers to wines with an objectionably high level of alcohol on the nose or palate. There is not necessarily a one-to-one relationship to the percentage of alcohol in a wine and it's perceived “hotness”. “The finish was extremely hot on this wine, with overpowering waves of alcohol.”

Integrated – Refers to how well certain components of a wine (oak, acidity, and particularly tannins) have toned down with age and merged with the other flavors and characteristics of the wine. “This cabernet has loads of unctuous fruit and finely integrated tannins.”

Jammy – Refers to wines with slightly cooked or overripe fruit flavors, often present as hints of raisin or prune flavors. Typical of cheap wines grown in hot regions like the Central Valley. “That Lodi Zinfandel was as jammy as my grandma's blackberry preserves.”

Midpalate – The process of tasting a wine is broken into three parts, the beginning (sometimes referred to as the ‘attack'), the midpalate, and the finish. The midpalate is the period of time after your first taste of a wine, but before you swallow it. It is when you are most likely to taste the wine's fruit flavors and complexity. “Wonderfully complex fruit flavors on the midpalate, but with a disappointingly brief finish.”

Supple – Refers to wines with well-balanced tannins and/or acidity. Young red wines often have aggressive tannins that become more supple as they age. “The '47 Chateau Latour has amazingly supple, well-integrated tannins.”

Structure – Essentially the same as “backbone”. Refers to how well the acidity and/or tannins in a wine support its other components. “This syrah had a fine and balanced structure and plump fruit.”

Tannin - A component of the skins and seeds of grapes that give red wines an astringent, dry feeling on the finish. They can be overpowering, particularly in young wines. “The tannins in this swill are fierce enough to take on a wolverine."

Practice these terms in combination with each other until your own gibberish begins to make sense to you…

“Though not austere, this wine lacks backbone, structure and balance on the midpalate, exhibiting fruit-forward, jammy flavors lacking in complexity. Very hot and alcoholic on the finish, with aggressive, poorly integrated tannins. 77 points.”

Cheap French Wine: Oxymoron or Just Moronic?

2007-09-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

French wine is expensive. (Right about here, my editor is thinking, "Christ, here he goes again, whining about how much this column sets him back every week.")

The 2005 Chateau Latour is currently selling for $900-1300 a bottle. That's about $40 an ounce or $240 for a nice six ounce glass. Ouch! You gotta think at those prices, maybe we should be dabbing it behind our ears, instead of drinking it.

And guess what? You can't drink it. It hasn't even been released yet. Those prices are for "futures". You buy it now, and you pay for it now, but you won't actually get your hands on it until they release the wine next spring. And of course, you'd be a fool to drink it before 2020.

So yeah, French wine is expensive...or at least some French wine is expensive. You might be surprised to learn that there is actually such a thing as cheap French wine. Cheap like $5-6 a bottle cheap.

But is it drinkable? That, as I hope you've learned by reading this sorry excuse for a wine column, is the $4.99 question. And as always, I'm hot on the trail of the cheap French wine bargain. You didn't actually think that I could resist?

Probably the best region of France from which to score a decent wine in the "value priced" range is the Cote du Rhone, but that's not what I'm going to talk about in this column. Why? Because what people REALLY want is Bordeaux. There are very few wines in the world that command the prices, respect or reputation of Bordeaux. And it seems vaguely logical that if the best wines of Bordeaux are $1000 a bottle, then the $5 a bottle stuff must be pretty good too.

In order to demonstrate that logic like that only serves to prove that you are a complete and irredeemable idiot, I bravely purchased several cheap Bordeaux from Trader Joe's for my tasting pleasure.

Chateau Coucy 2001 Montagne Saint Emilion
One of the crappy things about Bordeaux are the wannabe wine regions near the top-notch wine regions that have similar names. It's just like if Lodi were called "Not quite in, but a just a tiny bit east of NAPA VALLEY" (but in indecipherable French instead of English). "Montagne Saint Emilion" is to Saint Emilion what Lodi is to Napa Valley. And unless you know your French wine regions really well, it would be easy to think that you're scoring a wine from a primo region.

This wine was medium bodied with bright red fruit aromas. On the tongue it was acidic and tart, but lacking any identifiable fruit, and possessing really aggressive tannins on the finish. Kind of a hollow, nothing wine. 2.0 stars. Not worth $10.99 in anybody's book.

Chateau Mayne Guyon 2003 Premiere Cote du Blaye
This wine was a step up. Light aroma with hints of dusty attics and strawberries. Not particularly Bordeaux, but not unpleasant. On the palate, moderate red fruits that developed in body, character and complexity as the wine breathed. Again, this wine had pretty strong tannins. Definitely more complex and enjoyable than the first wine, but honestly, no great shakes. 2.5 stars. Not too bad for $6.99.

Chateau Briot 2004
Another light wine with simple aromas, negligible fruit, and big, dry tannins. Really, no fruit flavors to speak of in this wine, making it really hollow. Like the others, this wasn't a "bad" wine; it just wasn't much of anything. 2.25 stars. I've had worse for $4.99, but I ain't bragging about it.

Chateau Franc-Maillet 2000 Pomeral
Okay, enough of the cheap crap. I had to taste at least one real Bordeaux. This wasn't a First Growth, but not swill either, with rich, dark aromas of spice, mocha, coffee and blackberry bramble. Yum! Smelled like a cabernet-based wine with all that dark fruit. Incredibly smoky and complex on the tongue, with hints of tobacco, cedar and spice. Nice. Firm, but not overpowering tannins on the finish. Finally something decent and worth drinking! 3.75 stars. $29.99 at www.winelibrary.com.

Sadly, I'm finally learning the truth here, and it's not that "you get what you pay for", because you're lucky if you pay $30 and get a decent bottle of wine. The real truth is that there's no free - or cheap - lunch. An expensive wine might suck, but a cheap wine virtually always sucks.

So let's be honest here, the major selling point for cheap French wine is that none of your friends and none of the waiters in Chico can tell the difference. A bottle of French wine with a bunch of fancy script, the word "Chateau" in bold letters, and an image of some old French mansion on the label is enough to make everyone you know go "ooh-la-la", even if it's "Chateau Toilette". Show up to a party with anything French and you'll be an instant wine snob. Guaranteed.

Sometimes looking like you know your stuff is more important than actually knowing your stuff. I'm living proof of that.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

2007-09-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

OK, after like four consecutive columns appealing to the “low-end” wine drinker I'm starting to get some flak that maybe I need to bring things up a notch. Of course, I'm also getting comments to the effect that my problem is that I just don't know how to pick the good wines at Big Lots. I can't even imagine arguing with that.

But I'm tired of tasting cheap, bad wine, so this week, I'm not going to taste a thing – I'm just going to pontificate. I mean, what's the point of being a highly trained wine connoisseur if you can't randomly pontificate about obscure wines that no one has ever heard of?

Well, you're lucky, because I'm not in the mood to expound on the virtues of 1996 Montrachet, even though it really was a fantastic vintage.

Last week's burger and fries tasting got me thinking about wine and food pairings. Pairing wine and food used to be simple: red wine with red meat, white wine with white meat. In a way, that hasn't really changed, but today it's a lot more nuanced – to the point where there is no way I can do justice to the subject in one measly column.

The main thing to remember is to try to match the weight of the wine with the food. Just as Ali vs. Twiggy wouldn't be a good match, neither would steak and sauvignon blanc. Like Ali, the steak would overwhelm such a light wine, crushing it under the assault of big juicy flavors.

Steak
We might as well start at the top. A good steak has big flavors and a lot of juicy fat in it, so you need a big wine to stand up to it. The classic pairing of cabernet sauvignon with a steak is still the best. Why? A good, balanced cabernet is going to have a lot of dark fruit flavors that will stand up to the big flavors of a juicy steak. And the fat in a good steak will tame the astringent tannins typical in cabernets. It's a match made in heaven.

Lamb
Lamb isn't all that dissimilar from a steak, so of course a cab should go well, but personally I prefer syrah/shiraz-based wines with lamb. Why? Syrah-based wines tend to have smoother, less noticeable tannins than cabernet, while often having even greater richness in flavor. To me, this makes a better match with lamb dishes.

Chicken
As you might expect, chicken is something of a chameleon when it comes to wine. Lemon-herb chicken might pair well with a nice sauvignon blanc. Chicken parmesan would go well with a Chianti or maybe a merlot. Chicken (particularly with some sort of cream sauce) is one of the few dishes that chardonnay actually goes well with.

Pasta (Red Sauce)

Pasta (and Italian food in general) was made for wine. Red pasta sauce has a lot of strong flavors. There's probably oregano and garlic, not to mention acidic tomatoes and olive oil. Pasta sauce needs a pretty big wine to stand up to it and shout over all those loud Italian flavors. The classic match, of course, is Chianti, but cheap Chianti tends to be weak and flabby and not near up to the task. I prefer something with a bit more backbone like a Barolo or a Barbaresco. These wines can be virtually undrinkable on their own, but a good pasta sauce can transform their fierce tannins into a heavenly match. In a pinch, a good cabernet will do the job as well.

Pizza
The classic wine match for pizza is a cheap California zinfandel. And as much as I dislike most zins, I have to admit that this is a nearly perfect match.

Asian Food
The conventional wisdom is that wine and Asian food don't match, but nothing could be further from the truth. The problem is that the dark fruit and tannins in red wine don't go with the typically lighter flavors of Asian food. So pick a light white wine with good acidity instead. With curry (and Indian or Thai food in general), nothing beats a good Riesling or Gewürztraminer. Chinese food is a bit more complicated, but again Riesling and Gewürztraminer are good bets. With Japanese food, go with sake (duh). Lacking any of those, a light sauvignon blanc or even Champagne would be good backup players. Avoid heavily oaked chardonnays like the plague.

Fish
Most fish, like Asian food, can't handle the heaviness of red wine, though a few heavier fish (particularly salmon) can. In fact, my personal favorite with salmon is a good pinot noir. Lighter fish demand a more delicate wine. You almost can't go wrong with a pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc, but you might want to try a white burgundy (a '96 Montrachet would be good) or Riesling for a change of pace.

Mexican Food
I love Mexican food. I crave it. I lust for it. But let's face it, despite what anyone may tell you, wine and Mexican food just don't match. It breaks my heart to say that, but it's true. I think it's the cilantro, but honestly, I'm not sure. So what does go with Mexican food? Can you say “cervesa”?

Cheeseburger, Fries and a Glass of Wine

2007-08-27T21:27:00.000-07:00

Like any real guy, when left to my own devices, about the best I can do in the kitchen is heat a bowl of chili. But with my “significant other” (I love that term only because I hate it so much) gone two evenings a week, chili is starting to get pretty boring. So tonight I decided to splurge and snuck out to Jack In The Box for a nice, comforting, heart-clogging meal. Ah…the pleasures of cholesterol.

There's nothing quite like a greasy, lukewarm fast food meal, but the really tough question for this winoholic was what wine to pair with a burger and fries. Truly, this is one of the weightiest questions of our times. Forget your war in Iraq, your attorney firings, and your violations of fundamental Constitutional rights. Getting the perfect wine and burger match is what's really important.

And it's a head scratcher, too. French fries are going to be a tough match, given the huge dripping quantities of deeply soaked-in grease. And the burger isn't necessarily a slam-dunk either. Sure there's a huge slab of ground up dead bovine, but what about the lettuce, tomato and pickles? This wouldn't be any easy job for even the most knowledgeable sommelier.

There was only one way to handle this conundrum…buy a bunch of different wines and try them all. Hey, hey, hey! I'm getting' blotto tonight!

So, before I visited the drive through of my old alma mater (yep, my first job was swabbing floors at good ole Jack's), I stopped by Cost Plus to pick up three potential matches: a chardonnay, a zinfandel and a cabernet sauvignon. At Jack's, I scored a gen-u-wine sirloin burger with fries and a diet coke. Then I headed home for gustatory feast.

Sebastiani 2004 Sonoma County Chardonnay
I wasn't expecting much from this match. Burger and fries seems pretty red wine to me, but I figured there were probably a few idiots out there who might try a white wine. This was a very light and thin chard, with a flinty, mineral nose and weak fruit. With the fries, it was overpowered by the grease, though the fries did bring out a bit of melon-like fruit. With the burger, the flavors of the tomato and lettuce really came out, but the flavor of the wine itself disappeared under an onslaught of 100% pure sirloin beef (and whatever ghastly fillers go into a fast food burger). Overall, though, the pairing was better than expected. Match: 2.5 out of 5. $9.99.

Bogle 2005 Old Vine Zinfandel
Some old guy was going on and on about how great a wine this was while I was at Cost Plus. I had some very grave doubts about his sanity and sobriety at the time, but decided to give it a try anyway. Dark and rich, this wine is a Hiroshima fruit bomb, with metric tons of blackberry and raspberry fruit. Not a good match with the fries, as they brought out an awkward tart acidity in the wine, and the delicate French fry taste got lost in the shuffle. It was a better match with the burger, but the huge insistent fruit overpowered even the slab of 100% pure dead cow with wave after wave of juicy fruity flavors. I rate it a solid “nah”. Match: 2.0 out of 5. $8.99.

Rodney Strong 2004 Sonoma County Cabernet Sauvignon
This is a surprisingly Bordeaux style cab, with strong notes of earth, dust and green pepper on the nose. Dark, intense fruit on the tongue, but a touch overripe. Overall, a powerful, intense wine, with strong but not overdone tannins. The fries brought out the earthiness in the wine, while the grease tamed the tannins. Still, my mouth was left with a really dry feeling after eating the fries. With the burger, this was a much better pairing. The green fruit flavors in the wine accentuated the lettuce and tomato, while the cholesterol in the meat moderated the tannins. But overall, this wine had more even more testosterone than the burger and tended to overwhelm it. Match: 3.0 out of 5. $12.99

2007 Diet Coke
Light and sweet with a bright and noticeable frizzante. Flavors hit with a strong whammy and then pass quickly, leaving a clean, refreshed palate. This drink was very similar with both the fries and the burger, bringing a burst of flavor and sweetness that quickly disappeared, leaving the pure flavors of fried potatoes, grease, meat and secret sauce behind. Nearly ideal. Match: 4.25 out of 5. $0.99.

This little foray into wine and food pairing set me back almost $40, and the conclusion is that a 99-cent coke is a better match with a burger than a decent cabernet? Damn. I must be some kind of sucka.

A Pattern Emerges

2007-08-22T21:32:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to Grocery Outlet looking to score some bargain wine gems, but not with too much success. Still, it’s a noble concept, and one worth pursuing (particularly if you’re poor like me). So, this week I’m still hot on the trail of great (or at least drinkable) wine for under $5 a bottle. Next on my wine bargain radar was Big Lots.

Why Big Lots? Well, I actually heard a story about someone who went to Big Lots regularly, bought a bottle of everything that looked interesting, popped them all in the parking lot to give them a taste and then went back and cleaned out the store of whatever they liked.

Sounded like a sound strategy, so off I went.

I picked out four promising-looking subjects, headed to the parking lot, hopped into the back of my truck, and had an impromptu tasting party.

Jewel 2004 Sauvignon Blanc North Coast
Remember those gooey orange peanut-shaped candies you has as a kid? I used to love those things. Stick some of those in the freezer for six months so they get a nice freezer burn and you have the exact aroma of this wine. On the tongue…well, I can’t describe it, but there’s something weirdly wrong with this wine. Incredibly tart, sour finish. Borderline undrinkable. Retch. 0.5 stars. $4.00.

Chateau St. Michelle 2004 Gewürztraminer Columbia Valley
Pale, grassy aroma with a touch of lemon and refrigerator funk. Hmm. Not actually bad, but not promising. On the tongue it showed just a hint of frizzante ("fizz" to the commoner) and the slightest hint of sweetness. Pretty potent tartness though, but that fades after the first few sips. Flinty, minerally flavors, but not much fruit. Not something to be sipped alone, but I bet it’s actually pretty good with spicy Asian food. 2.5 stars. $5.00.

Lazy Lizard 2003 Shiraz Vin de Pays d’Oc, Lnagedoc
Okay, first of all, I have a real problem with a French wine using the Australian spelling of “syrah”. Syrah and shiraz are the same thing, but why on earth would a French wine (syrah comes from France) call syrah “shiraz”? Maybe because this wine is about as far from a French syrah as Sydney is from Paris? This wine was vile. Incredibly sour smelling, with a huge tsunami of dust on the nose. Hints of candle wax didn’t improve it one bit. I was actually afraid to taste it, and for good reason. Sour and off-balance, with a bitter finish. No fruit flavors to speak of. Bad, bad, bad, bad. –1 star. $3.00 that I’ll never ever see again.

Covey Run 2003 Columbia Valley Cabernet Sauvignon
I don’t know why I keep giving Covey Run wines a chance. Maybe it’s because I once had a decent $6 bottle of their Riesling. Anyway, this wine was fairly promising on the nose, with classic dark fruit cab aromas. A little weak, but they were definitely there. On the tongue, this wine had expired. It wasn’t bad; it just wasn’t anything. Whatever flavors it once had were long gone. I gave it a decent burial. 1.5 stars. $1.50 for 375ml.

Okay, I’m beginning to see a pattern here. This cheap wine gig isn’t turning out to be the “voyage of discovery” that I thought it might be. Instead, I’m mostly just awash in bilge water. Sure, there are a few diamonds (well, maybe zirconiums) out there, but you gotta kiss a hell of a lot of frogs to find them.

And it ain’t quite the bargain I’d hoped for. Sure, I only spent $14 on four bottles. But that was $14 bucks (literally) down the drain. I know for a fact that I would have been happier spending that $14 on one decent bottle of wine than on four bottles of swill.

Sorry kids, but “bargain” wines aren’t generally much of a bargain. Big surprise, I know. C’est la vie.

It's Cheap for a Reason

2007-08-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

To hell with your fancy schmancy Frenchie Bordeaux, I say! Let's have wine for the plebeians! Wine for the unwashed masses! Power to the people. Right on! Too long have we suffered under the oppression of rich, cultured wine makers foisting their over-priced grape juice on gullible wine drinkers incapable of telling the difference between Chateau Latour and Turning Leaf. Too long have we paid through the nose for a decent glass of vino. No more I say! No more! It's time for a revolution in wine!

Ooo…I like that. “It's time for a revolution in wine.”® That's my new motto.

Actually, my new motto should be, “Crap! It's Monday night and I have to write another damn wine column! Man, I'm goin' broke.”

Wine is expensive stuff. If I tasted three $20 bottles of wine every week for this column, I'd be homeless in a minute. And let's get real here; how many of you have ever bought a bottle that I recommended, much less a $20 bottle I recommended? I thought so.

I don't mean to slum it intentionally, but given the combination of the cost of decent wine and the Beat's audience (no offense intended to anyone), popping a Chateau Lafite Rothschild for this column is probably a waste of time.

And anyway, I kind of enjoy searching for diamonds in the dumpster. OK, maybe that's not the best metaphor, but if I can find a decent pinot noir for under $5, I'm all for it (good luck with that, by the way).

I already reviewed Two Buck Chuck, so who could possibly be next? Well, I got a hot tip from a hip tipster that Grocery Outlet was the happening place to score some hot wine deals. With the motto “Bargains Only!” I knew I was on the right track before I even entered the store.

As soon as you enter the store you are overwhelmed by a wall o' wine. I almost peed myself in anticipation of the "bargains" to come. In fact, there were too many great “bargains” to choose from, so I limited myself to four.

Evans-Tate 2003 Margaret River

A typically Aussie blend of shiraz, cabernet sauvignon and merlot, this wine promised a lot for two bucks. And boy did it deliver! First hit on the nose: cork taint. Barf-o-rama! There's nothing worse than a corked wine. What's “cork taint” you ask? A corked wine has been tainted by a nasty chemical (2,4,6-trichloroanisole, for you smarty pants out there) that gives wine a characteristic smell and flavor of wet cardboard or moldy basement. I think I might be getting a clue to why it's only $1.99. Bottom line: wine this bad for two bucks is a waste of two bucks. 0 stars.

Fresno State 2004 Grenache

I knew I had to have this as soon as I saw it. Fresno State is bottling and selling their own wine? Cool! Chico State could learn a lot from their example. Chico State could start a brewery program (it's a natural!) and name their different beers after University presidents. I'm sure the “Zingg Pale Ale” would be very popular. Not sure about the “Esteban Lager” though.

Back to the wine. It sucks. Plain and simple. It's super light in color with the ever so appealing aroma of pencil shavings and cough syrup. Flavor-wise, the fruit was very over-ripe and the finish had a real cough-syrupy bitterness. See what happens when you let students make things? $3.99. 0.5 stars.

Covey Run 2004 Columbia Valley Sauvignon Blanc

Covey Run is a big producer of occasionally decent wines from Washington. I had high hopes for this one. On the nose an explosion of muskmelon, apricot and truckloads of Papaya. Wow! If it tasted anything like this, it would be a steal. Sadly, it didn't. Typically light and grassy for a sauvignon blanc, the tons of fruit vanished on the tongue, leaving a hollow, slightly thin wine with a tart, unbalanced finish. Disappointing, and not as good as the Two Buck Chuck sauvignon blanc. $1.49. 2 stars.

Lussac 2003 Saint-Emilion

Saint Emilion is one of the major wine regions in Bordeaux. Lussac Saint-Emilion is a lesser known wine region just north of Saint-Emilion proper. Since this bottle lacks a Chateau or Domaine name, I'm assuming that this represents leftover grapes bottled by some wine merchant trying to unload the wine for cheap.

Typically Bordeaux on the nose: earthy, with notes mushroom and cellar. Typically Bordeaux on the tongue as well, with good structure but not much fruit. My only complaint is that it has somewhat strong and bitter tannins on the finish. However, I think with a couple of years cellaring, this will be a pretty decent wine. Not for fruit lovers, but if you like Bordeaux on a budget, this wine is for you. $3.99. 3 stars.

Okay, so we didn't find too many "bargains" at Grocery Outlet, but for 4 bottles under $12, at least I didn't break the bank. And word on the street has it that Big Lots is the next big cheap wine hot spot. As always, I'll be hot on the case.

Wine Clubbing

2007-07-24T10:21:00.000-07:00

Drinking wine can impair your judgment, like the time last spring when my judgment was sufficiently impaired to cause me to smack my forehead into a wine glass. And though my forehead won the contest easily, I was left looking a little bit like a badly drunk, 50 year-old Harry Potter.

Perhaps not as bad as permanent physical disfigurement, wine drinking, or more specifically, wine tasting can also lead to severely impaired judgment regarding wine clubs.

Now, there are two major types of “wine clubs” out there. The ones that you see in the back of magazines are independent rip off schemes. They’re not scams per se - if you sign up, you’ll get your wine. But typically these clubs are for the totally clueless and sell truly hideous plonk from labels nobody’s ever heard of at outrageous mark ups. Actually, they probably make most of their money on shipping, charging double what it really costs to ship the bottles.

Nancy sez, “just say no” to these kinds of wine clubs. Don’t even be tempted by their claims of getting “rare” or “limited edition” wines. Yeah, right.

The other type of wine club is much more enticing, partly because you can actually get some great wines from them. These are the wine clubs run by the wineries. Every winery in America, no matter how small, has it’s own wine club.

It’s the perfect gig. How many businesses have the opportunity to bring you in, get you tanked and then pitch you on the fabulous benefits of getting their incredible product automatically delivered right to your door? Trust me, every business on the planet would love to be able to do this.

And it works. Sadly, even on me.

Here’s how winery wine clubs work. You sign up (“It’s free!!”). Then, two, three, four times a year after that you get the thrill of receiving a credit card bill with an extra $50, $100 or even $400 on it. WTF!?!?! “Honey!! Have you been sneaking out to the casinos again? I thought we talked about your little ‘problem.’”

About the time you get out of the hospital, a huge box turns up on your doorstep full of bottles. Congratulations! You now have two or six or twelve new bottles of wine to drink!

Sounds great, right? Well, aside from the cardiac exercise that I get when the credit card bill unexpectedly arrives, I have some issues with wine clubs.

First of all, they don’t always give you the choice of wines that they ship you. You can imagine how thrilled I am to receive a half-case of chardonnay. “For this I paid $150?”

Second, it ain’t all great wine. For some reason, wines at the winery all seem to taste pretty darn good – especially by the time you get to the fourth or fifth winery. And even if you only sign up for wine clubs at wineries that are really good, nobody is great at every kind of wine. They might make a fantastic syrah but a crappy barbera. Guess which one they send you.

Third, they try to make you feel special. There’s the annual Wine Club Members Only barbecue. The annual Wine Club Members Only dinner and tasting. The annual Wine Club Members Only release party. The Wine Club Members Only special vintage (which of course, is not included in your quarterly shipment, and has to be purchased and paid for separately).

I get it already! I’m special! I’m especially broke from buying all this wine and making all these Members Only trips to some winery 100 miles away to hang out with other “special” people with whom the only thing I have in common is that we’re all especially stupid enough to join a wine club.

And when the Members Only dinner is over, we all hop on the short bus for the long ride home.

I’m not saying “do not join winery wine clubs, period.” I’m saying caveat emptor – let the buyer beware. If you’ve been out wine tasting all day, everything starts to taste pretty good. And after enough stops, your pliability and gullibility go up while your judgment goes down. Before you know it, you’re having cardiac moments with your credit card bill.

So stop and think. Do I really want to sign up for this? Is this wine that great?

P.S. Anyone want to take over a couple great wine club memberships? Fantastic wines! Great benefits! Anyone?

Chuck the Two-Buck Chuck?

2007-07-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

Finally, the column you've been waiting for. After several months of anticipation, with the entire blogosphere rife with speculation as to when I would finally keep my promise, here it is: my review of the entire line of Charles Shaw fine wines, better known as “Two-Buck Chuck.”

Two-Buck Chuck, for the four of you out there who don't already know, is the house brand wine for Trader Joe's (that Mecca for middle-aged, middle-class pseudo-hippies looking for cheap natural foods).

Two-Buck Chuck is actually made by the Bronco Wine Company, which recently lost a lawsuit concerning their misleading use of the word “Napa” on wines not from Napa, but from Lodi (which is where most of your Chuck hails from). Bronco wines is a large and notable producer of lower end wines.

And nothing is lower end than Two-Buck Chuck. I mean really, $1.99 a bottle? You expect to pay 20-30 times that for a solid, but not top-of-the-line, Napa Valley Cabernet. The 2005 Chateau Latour is expected to debut at about 400 times the cost of a bottle of Charles Shaw.

Can this stuff even be drinkable? Or is it the greatest bargain in the world of wine?

Sadly, there's only one way to find out: Have a wine snob down the swill and report back to you. God forbid you should cough up two bucks and taste it yourself.

The only reason I subject myself to this sort of treatment is because I know that you get a sick and perverted pleasure from seeing a wine snob lower himself to your pitiful level and grovel in the common juice of non-pedigreed grapes. People like you love nothing more than seeing the mighty brought low. And what worse way to do it than to subject a highly trained and refined palate to the lowest of the low: the dreaded, the God-awful, the sewer-spawned Two-Buck Chuck. Damn you.

Charles Shaw 2005 California Sauvignon Blanc

Very light and grassy on the nose, typical of a good sauv. blanc, with hints of lemon peel and papaya. Yum. Light and refreshing on the tongue with citrus and herb notes. Overall, a bit like a non-sweet wine cooler. I'd drink this on a hot day without reservation. Hey, Chuckie-boy comes through with a wine that's actually non-toxic. I'm impressed! “Enjoyable.” 3 stars.

Charles Shaw 2005 California Chardonnay

Ugh. Chardonnay. Not my favorite. But this one comes off nice on the nose with strong hints of butter and cream with a touch of herbs thrown in. On the tongue it's very smooth, but light for a chardonnay (which I personally like). Not oaky at all, but very creamy. As a chardonnay hater, this is my favorite chardonnay of all time. “Drinkable+.” 2.75 stars.

Charles Shaw 2006 California Shiraz

2006? This thing is a baby. It should be illegal to drink this stuff. This is a very light wine. On the nose, this has some light fruit aromas, with a ton of vanilla smacking you around. On the tongue, very light and tart, no hint in sight of the typical shiraz blast of black fruit and black pepper. In a blind test, I would have guessed that this was a $10 Chianti. Not a “real” a shiraz – for shame. “Drinkable, but barely.” 2.25 stars.

Charles Shaw 2005 California Merlot

Smells like a dirt clod. No, a garden full of green peppers. And green beans. And unripe tomatoes. Maybe a couple of zucchini plants. Surprising and surprisingly attractive. On the tongue, not much fruit, but a nice complexity (for a $2 bottle of wine, anyway). A bit of a metallic taste on the finish, but that fades quickly. I actually liked this one a lot, but the unripe fruit flavors will only appeal to “old world” fans. Fruit-lovers stay away. “Yum (for me anyway)!” 3 stars.

Charles Shaw 2004 California Cabernet Sauvignon

Mmmmm…soap. At least, the first hit on the nose was definitely soapy, and we all know how good soap tastes. Also, a touch of dark fruit, a hint of vanilla, and a whiff of shoe polish. On the tongue, a strong hit of vanilla and oak (but not overpowering) and a bit of raspberry. Very tart and simple with mild tannins. Thankfully the soap smell doesn't carry over. Not impressive. Very light for a cabernet. “Non-toxic, but who cares.” 2 stars.

I'm amazed. None of these wines were the vile, dreadful, toxic sludge that I was expecting. And a couple of them were wines that I wouldn't mind actually drinking. So, drink up Charles Shaw fans, you could do a lot worse and pay a lot more!

A Random Selection of Wines

2007-06-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

Before I get to tasting the wines I've selected for this column (using a complex double blind technique where I just review any wine that I've tasted recently), I should cover some local wine news.

Unfortunately, it's bad news. It appears that CostPlus World Market, purveyors of a wide selection of "moderately-priced" wines from around the world, is down-scaling their wine selection. On a recent trip I noticed that both the quantity and quality of their wines has gone down. The selection appears to have moved much more toward the low end. "Mid-range" wines (i.e., wines in the $25+ range) have virtually disappeared, aside from the required bottle of Opus One. The few Chateauneuf du Papes they once carried have vanished, replaced by low-end plonky Bordeaux that are probably worth skipping. Even the variety of lower-end wines has shrunk noticeably. The good news is that their selection of Italian wines appears to have about doubled, and they still have a few excellent bargains (see below). I'm hoping this change is just an anomaly as they move things around in the store, but I doubt it.

Jim Barry 2004 Clare Valley Shiraz “The Lodge Hill”

Here's a serious Auzzie shiraz. On the nose, a delightful spiciness that develops into serious aromas of camphor, eucalyptus, oregano and a touch of citrus peel. Sounds more like an herbal tea than a wine, but this complex spiciness is more than offset by a base of dense dark fruits. On the palate, strongly spicy, carrying over the camphor flavor, counterbalanced by dark rich flavors of blackberry and black cherry. A bit of a floral flourish on the finish. Fruity, but miles from simple plonk. 3.75 stars. $22 at Vino 100.

Rosemount 2003 Vintner's Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon Merlot Petit Verdot

Here's another Auzzie wine, but this one's a classic Bordeaux-style blend. Extremely dense color with dark cherry and deep succulent blackberry on the nose. Dense and chewy on the palate. This is a great wine for the price - a well balanced wine with plenty of fruit, but sufficient complexity to make it much more than a simple fruit bomb. Worth the price and more. Fortunately, this is one wine that CostPlus still has plenty of. 3.25 stars. $7.99 at CostPlus World Market.

Hahn Estates 2005 Meritage

Another wine that CostPlus thankfully still carries, this one is a Bordeaux-style blend of cabernet sauvignon, merlot, cabernet franc and malbec from California. Lots of raspberry and black cherry fruit, edging toward the jammy style, but well balanced. Obvious oak, with a hint of wood smoke. Mild tannins. If you like approachable, "fruit-forward" red wines, you'll definitely like this. 3.5 stars. $14.99 at CostPlus.

Jean Luc Columbo 2004 Cote du Rhone

Wine Spectator recently rated the 2005 vintage of this wine 88 points, so when I saw this in CostPlus I figured I give it a try. Racy and spicy on the nose, with strong hints of dark bramble. On the tongue, juicy strawberry and cherry pop flavors. Very fleshy, soft fruit; a bit flabby with no apparent tannins. A light, friendly and approachable wine, but one ultimately lacking in depth and complexity. Something of a disappointment, particularly for a French wine. 2.5 stars. $9.99 at CostPlus.

Cloudline Willamette Valley Pinot Noir

I had this recently at Monks Wine Lounge in downtown Chico. I don’t know the vintage off hand, but I’m sure that someone there can tell you. A nice medium-bodied Oregon pinot noir – very smoky, earthy and musty on the nose. Very smooth on the tongue, but with a nice tartness to perk up your taste buds. Spicy, with strong notes of the earthy mustiness coming through. Wonderful pinot. 4 stars. Available by the glass or bottle at Monks.

Zombies, Anarchy and the Fine Art of Wine Tasting

2007-06-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just feeling a bit insecure. But I’ve started to wonder a little about where this wine column fits in the Chico Beat.

In last week’s issue my column was sandwiched between an article on anarchism and Craig Blamer’s 47th column on his obsession with zombie movies (OK, last week it was a vampire movie).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally down with anarchy (as long as someone fixes the roads… and makes sure that my broadband is working). And Blamer’s column is one of my favorite reads in the Beat (aside from my own incredibly witty and well-written screed).

But last time I checked, a full-bodied Bordeaux with hints of cedar-box on the nose and well-integrated tannins was not the beverage of choice for anarchists. Or zombies (or vampires, for that matter, though I’m sure something red would be appropriate).

I’m thinking that the Chico Beat has a little more attitude and edge than a wine column can probably generate. Wine is the preferred beverage of well-heeled yuppies driving their gas-guzzling Hummers, not punked-out anarchists queuing up to watch the latest splatfest.

On the other hand, wake up and smell the merlot, this is Chico not Los Angeles. It’s rare to see REAL anarcho-punks in Chico. Maybe there are a few, but let’s face it, Chico’s a Birkenstock town, full of liberals and effeminate intellectual types. And as the article pointed out, even a talk on anarchy only brought out a couple dozen middle-aged hippies trying to work up a bit of angst.

By now, those hippies’ 401Ks must be getting pretty fat and Birkenstocks aren’t cheap, so maybe a nice glass of wine is something they could both afford and appreciate while they chant "down with the man".

Not sure what to say about the zombies and their aficionados, though. But I’m thinking something red and not too heavy (maybe a nice Burgundy or an Oregon pinot noir) might pair well with human brains. Suffice to say it’s not an area that I’m expert in. If you give it a try, let me know how it works.

OK, I feel better now that I’ve convinced myself that it’s really possible that someone in Chico has a copy of The Wine Bible on a bookshelf next to The Anarchist Cookbook.

Anyway, the next time you decide to meet to plan the violent overthrow of Fascist Amerika, or get together with friends to share some fresh brains, think about adding wine tasting to the menu.

So-called “wine tasting groups” (as opposed to “wine clubs” which tend to be commercial ventures) are an exploding phenomenon in this country, and not just among ex-hippie anarchists and zombies.

The idea is that a group of like-minded people get together every month to taste and talk about wine. The venue changes every month so that one person is not always stuck cleaning up the mess.

Everyone (or perhaps every couple) brings a bottle to taste. You’re not going to polish off all that wine (hopefully), but that's OK. And (again, hopefully) you'll have a designated driver so that people don’t get on the road and create anarchy (I mean the bad kind of anarchy, of course).

It’s best to have a theme and a price range so that you don’t have a box of Almanden Blush Red going up against a 2000 Chateau Mouton Rothschild. A couple of ideas to get you started:

• Australian wines between $10-20
• Wines that go with Thai food
• Rosés that don't suck (I double dare you)
• Cabernet Sauvignon from around the world (under $30)

I find that tastings are the most educational if you do a real blind tasting. All you need to do that are some brown paper bags and a felt pen. Put the bottles in the bags and then write a number on each bag. As people taste each wine, they write notes on each, referring to the wine’s number. When everyone has tasted, the bags are removed and the wines are revealed. Fun!

If you really want to get carried away, sites like www.meetup.com have a whole section on wine tasting groups (they also have a section on asexuality, but that only has one group with 3 members… which sounds like a recipe for trouble, if you know what I mean). In fact, wine is the eighth most popular group, just ahead of witches.

The key to success in starting a wine tasting group is finding enough people who really have a desire to learn about wine and a willingness to share their knowledge and experiences. I’ve always wanted to start up such a group, but never really had the time (or enough friends to make it anything more than four people getting wasted).

If you’re an anarcho-zombie and you’d like to be a part of a local Chico/Paradise wine tasting group, contact me through the Chico Beat and maybe we can get our own group started. Our first tasting will be wines that pair with brains. Mmmmmm...brains.

Becoming a Wine Connoisseur: Part II

2007-05-28T14:50:00.000-07:00

Last week I managed to waste an entire column talking about my testicles and trying different wines. And though both are important, this is a wine column and I need to focus on making you a wine connoisseur.

Step 2: Dick and Jane Read About Wine (while Spot gets plastered)

You’ll only get so far by randomly tasting different wines. It really helps if you know something about the wines you’re tasting. That’s where book larnin’ can come in handy. Books are the cheap and easy way of becoming – if not a wine connoisseur – then at least knowledgeable about wine.

But which books? A search for “wine” at amazon.com turned up 239,546 results. Ouch! That’s a hell of a lot of readin’ before you can get your buzz on. There’s gotta be a way to trim that down a bit.

Probably the best way is to break the books into types. Not every wine book serves the same purpose, and knowing what you’re looking for can really help you out when you stroll into Barnes and Noble. I break wine books into five categories.

Wine Courses

I call these books “courses” because that’s what they often call themselves. They are generally introductory books on wine, covering the basics on how wine is made, where it’s made, what grapes are used, etc. If you know nothing about wine, these books are the place to start.

Wine for Dummies – This is actually a pretty darn good book that breaks down wine into very understandable terms. Unfortunately, you’ll have to hide this under your bed – no true connoisseur would ever be caught dead with “Wine For Dummies”.

Great Wine Made Simple (Andrea Immer Robinson) – I really like Andrea Immer (now Robinson); she keeps things fun and simple, just like the book’s title. She manages to cover a lot of ground while giving you fun hands-on tasting assignments to boot.

Wine Encyclopedias

Once you have a basic handle on the difference between Burgundy and Bordeaux, you might want to gain more specific knowledge about wines of particular regions. That’s where the wine encyclopedia comes in, generally replete with history, background, types of wines, and examples of specific producers for each wine region in the world.

The Wine Bible (MacNeil) – Probably the single most popular wine book on the market, it combines a bit of the wine primer with the encyclopedia. However, there are no color pictures or maps, so I've never liked it.

The New Sotheby’s Wine Encyclopedia – OK, this is the real deal. If you want the lowdown on every winemaking region on the globe, this is the book. Lots of great background info, plus lists of specific recommended producers and lot of color pictures and maps! Overkill for all but the true wine geek.

Wine Guides

The purpose of wine guides is to help you decide which wines are good. They contain lists and lists of wines, with scores and notes and ratings. I generally don’t like wine guides for the simple reason that I can never actually find or buy any of the wines they recommend, and I don’t always share the same taste as the author. Still, people love these books.

Andrea Robinson's 2007 Wine Buying Guide for Everyone – This is about the only wine guide that I consistently like, both because Andrea includes wines that you can find most anywhere and because she’s generally right on for my taste.

Wine Stories

Once you really get hooked into the world of wine, you might want to know the history of the 1976 Paris tasting, or the rise and rise and rise of the world’s most powerful wine critic…but I’m going to leave all that for another day.

Wine and Food

Wine was made to go with food, and there’s a whole art and science to wine and food pairing.

Everyday Dining with Wine (Andrea Immer) – Organized by varietal, this book gives good background info on each grape and tons of tasty recipes to go with each.

What to Drink with What you Eat (Dornenburg and Page) – I love this book. Look up a food and it tells you what drink (wine, beer, cocktail, tea) goes best with it. Look up a wine and it tells you what foods go best with it. Best wine with salmon? Oregon pinot noir. Wow.

Of course, there are 239,539 other books on wine out there that I didn't cover, but hey, I’m pushing my word count as it is.

Becoming a Wine Connoisseur: Part I

2007-05-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

People approach me all the time and ask me how to become a wine connoisseur. Well, now, for a limited time only, all of my secrets can be yours for only three payments of $19.95!!

I wish.

Nobody asks me how to become a wine connoisseur, and they certainly don't pay me $60 to learn what little I know. What does happen with way too much frequency is that people say to me, "I'm not a wine connoisseur like you, but I really liked this wine I tasted."

Get a clue, people, I'm no wine connoisseur. Sure, I like wine, and yes, I've learned a little about wine. But I'm far from a "connoisseur." People think I'm an expert because they've convinced themselves that wine is terribly esoteric and requires years of learning from “master sommeliers” to understand. That's the really weird thing about wine: people make it out to be some high mystery, presided over by Masonic priests in white robes, sharing secret handshakes and chanting mumbo jumbo.

Some wines, like Burgundy, are really complicated, and nobody really understands them. But it's not really all that hard to know something about wine. And as long as you know a single thing more than the crapulous cretin next to you, you'll look like an expert. How do you think I've fooled you for this long?

Enough blabbering you say, "here's my $60; make me a wine expert just like you."

Sigh. OK, I'll do it. I'll show you how to know as much about wine as I do.

But first things first. Please make your check out to “Anthony Dunn” and send it to me in care of the Chico Beat.

Step 1: Put down the Thunderbird and step slowly away

In order to learn something about wine, you have to be willing to try different wines. People (even highly trained and knowledgeable wine connoisseurs like myself) get stuck in ruts, drinking the same kind of wine over and over. “I bought a bottle of Gallo merlot and really liked it.” So now all you drink is cheap merlot? I almost guarantee that trying something new is not going to kill you.

In my particular case, when I started writing this column I knew nothing about white wines. To me, tannin equaled testosterone. Real men drank red wine, period. Only women and “girlie men” drank white wine, and I didn't want to be mistaken for either. Unfortunately, I had to face white wines sooner or later in this column, so I put my testicles in a drawer and tried some.

I wish I could say that I started with something manly sounding like Gewürztraminer, which could easily be mistaken for some Nazi secret weapons program, but I think I started with the much more feminine-sounding Riesling. Nonetheless, I discovered that I actually like some white wines, and that white wines will often pair with foods that are impossible to match to a red wine. Riesling, for example, is fantastic with Indian food.

The moral is that you'll never learn anything new if you don't try something new. “But, if I've never tried it, how do I know if it's any good?” Short answer: you don't. That's part of the process. You think that I know beforehand whether every wine I taste is any good? Ha! You gotta kiss a lot of toads in this business to find the princes. That's just a fact of life. And just because I liked it and Robert Parker liked it, that doesn't mean you'll like it. Everybody's tastes are different. You have to be willing to taste some bad wine if you want to taste some really good wine. Get over it.

You'll learn even more if you can taste several wines side-by-side to see how they differ. Even if you can't describe the difference (leave that to us wine connoisseurs, please), you can taste the difference. In the beginning, that's all that matters.

How can you do that without breaking the bank or having a blood alcohol level high enough to kill a mosquito? Monks is one idea. Vino 100 and Creekside Cellars are two others. All do wine tastings or flights.

Another method is to invite like-minded friends over and tell them each to bring a bottle they like. Not only is everyone guaranteed to have at least one wine they like, everyone gets to try something new. Just make sure everyone leaves their pretentiousness at home. I've had $10 bottles of wine that kicked the ass of some $100 bottles, so don't try bringing an expensive bottle in game of one-upmanship. Nobody cares.

Homework

Go into your favorite wine shop and randomly pick a bottle off the shelf of something you've never tried before. You might hate it, but you'll learn something.

Next week

Your second check for $19.95 will be due and I'll talk about wine and book larnin'.

Funky Monk-y

2007-05-12T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty lazy. The last time I was at Monks was October, and I've been meaning to do a column on them since. I'm sure they wonder why I've ignored them for so long. Like I said, I'm just lazy.

With a name like “Monks Wine Lounge & Bistro” you'd expect an eclectic looking and hip joint. And though I ceased being a barometer of hipness back around the time The Sex Pistols were big, my guess is that Monks looks fairly hip. But I'm not much into décor. I'm into wine, and that's why I go there.

The last time I was there, I was told that they'd soon be updating and refining their wine list, and the first thing I noticed this time was that they'd refined it to be noticeably shorter than it had been before. My brow creased in an anticipatory frown.

Still, there were many interesting wines on the list (maybe 40 or so) and my partner and I went to town selecting the ones we wanted to taste. One cool thing about Monks is that they offer “flights” (small pours of three different wines of your choice) to maximize your tasting experience. This is a great concept and allows you to taste a wide variety of wines without falling on your face. Being a Thursday, it was red wine night (What? Don't tell me you didn't get the memo.), so we each picked three reds to swirl, sniff and taste.

My frown quickly dissolved into an appreciative smile as I began to work my way through the wines. Overall, these were excellent – really excellent – wines. I was impressed. It's clear that their wine list is much tighter and focused than it used to be. My only complaint is the outrageous shortage of syrahs. Only one? Tsk. Get thee to Domaine de la Terre Rouge!

Fathom, Babcock Vineyards (Santa Barbara)
A Bordeaux-style blend, this wine is built on a strong foundation of solid dark fruit flavors. Yummy, deep and complex, I can't imagine any fan of fruit-driven California cabs not liking this. $10/glass. 4 stars.

Casa Barranca Winery (Ojai)
I'm not sure exactly which wine we had, but I'm guessing it was their merlot-cabernet blend. Medium bodied and somewhat spicy, with nice structure. Again, very solidly fruit-driven, with decent tannins. Overall a very soft, fine wine. $11.50/glass. 4 stars.

Composition, Cloud 9 (California)
Though the Cloud 9 winery is located in the Sierra foothills, this wine tastes like a classic Napa Valley cabernet, with massive dark fruit backed by a level of depth and complexity not found anywhere near your average wine. Big, smooth and classy. This is the good stuff. $14.50/glass. 4.5 stars.

Spellbound Petite Sirah (Napa Valley)
This wine leaps out at you with an intense aroma of prunes. Flavors of plum, prune and raison explode in the dense fruit of this wine. Unfortunately, there's too much fruit, and this wine suffers from a severe lack of complexity. Though interesting on first taste, I tired of it very quickly. The only disappointment of the bunch. $12/glass. 2.25 stars.

Montirius Gigondas (France)
Gigondas is a town in the Rhone Valley of France, and this wine showed it's French heritage by being much less fruity than the California wines. A bit disappointing when first opened, but (typical of French wines), it evolved in the glass into a very refined offering. I'd avoid this for those who love intensely fruity wines, but I ended up being fairly impressed. $9/glass. 3.5 stars.

Rothschild Rouge (Bordeaux, France)
Ah, Bordeaux. Very earthy aromas of soil, forest and dust. On the tongue, complex and earthy with moderate fruit and almost a hint of smoked bacon – unmistakably Bordeaux. Interesting to compare to the Babcock or the Cloud 9. $10.50/glass. 4 stars.

A very impressive effort, but the real story of our evening at Monks was the food. Their variety of small plates presents some surprisingly tasty offerings.

Skip the cheese plate (which is perfectly fine) and go straight for the Pear, Red Onion and Gorgonzola Tart . Wow! What an intense medley of sweet, tart and savory flavors! This is what food should taste like!

If you're still hungry after that, get the Brie en Crouté – yummy, creamy brie baked in a crust with walnuts and a touch of honey. Nice counterpoint of flavors.

If you're in the mood for dessert, the Fried Cheesecake is creamy and dreamy – fried in tasty pastry and topped with blackberry and chocolate sauce – wow! It may sound weird, but it's totally worth a try.

Overall, this was a great and highly recommended experience, and one that I should repeat more often. Unfortunately, it wasn't a particularly cheap experience. Well, if you're looking for a cheap date, stop at Trader's Joe for a bottle of Two Buck Chuck and a couple of packages of frozen spinach Lasagna. If you want great food and good wine, Monks is the place to go.

Monks (www.monkswinelounge.com) is located on 2nd Street between Main and Broadway in downtown Chico.

Butte County: The Next Bordeaux?

2007-04-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

A couple of columns back, I said something to the effect that a lot of locally produced wines suck. Yeah, "suck." That wasn't a very nice thing to say, but at least it wasn't stupid or racist like what Don Imus said. As a result, unlike Don Imus, I got to keep my job.

I'm thinking that's a mixed blessing, because I felt really guilty after I wrote that, and I convinced myself that I should try more local wines and do a column on them. Of course, if they su...er, "under perform", I'm bound (by whatever oath journalists take) to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And then I'll even more persona non grata with local wine makers than I am already.

I'm sure some of you are scratching your heads quizzically and saying, "Butte County has wineries? When did that happen?" Well, I'm not sure who opened the first winery in Butte County, but there are in fact several, some practically in Chico.

"But this isn't wine country," you say. Well, that's not really true. Sutter Home, jug wine producer extraordinaire, has several thousands of acres of vineyards in the Sacramento Valley.

"But that's my point. The valley is only capable of producing plonk." I disagree, and anyway, many of the local producers are up in the foothills where the climate is cooler. If you go father south, the Sierra foothills near Placerville and Angels Camp are full of wineries making outstanding wines. And anyway, who's the wine expert here? Oh, right. I am. So shut up! Sheesh!

Bertagna Son Kissed Vineyard 2005 Mestizo

The Bertagna's that make this wine are apparently related to, but not same as, City Councilman Steve Bertagna. Regardless of that (and the rather politically incorrect moniker of this wine), the Mestizo is an extremely drinkable blend of petite sirah, barbera and sangiovese. In many ways, this wine is similar to a nice Chianti. It's relatively light in color, with a tangy, bright, oaky nose. The sangiovese really comes through on the tongue; lightish and tart, but surprisingly smooth and well made. It was an incredible match with pizza. I was very pleasantly surprised with this wine and can genuinely recommend it to anyone. $13 at Vino 100. 3 stars.

Quilici Vineyards 2003 Barbera

Very light in color and surprisingly very cloudy - not a good sign. Strong aromas of oak and smoke, a bit spicy with a hint of cellar funk. Not a bad start. On the palate, however, the true character of this wine emerged with an overpowering tart astringency, a chemcially undertone and a very sour finish. Reminded me a lot of some of the horrible wines we had in Lodi. Sorry, but I just can't recommend this wine. $11 at Vino 100. 1 star.

Grey Fox 2003 Mendocino County Cabernet Sauvignon

When I was first getting into wine, the Grey Fox winery was the first winery that I visited, so you'd think I have fond memories and a strong bias. But I wasn't particularly impressed with anything I tasted other than their syrah port (which was pretty darned tasty). However, I did buy several bottles of their 2003 cab, which I put away for a rainy day.

Well, it was raining, and I got out this bottle. Very typically cab-like on the nose - dark fruit, earthy, mildly spicy, with hints of mocha. Off to a good start!

On the palate it was a bit disappointing. The hint of dark fruits was faint and fading, like memories of summer, while the tannins were strong, dry and assertive. Not a particularly promising combination, since you need big fruit in a wine in order to outlast big tannins. In this wine, the fruit was already fading, while the tannins were still going strong. Drink now, I'd say. Having said all that, this is not a poorly made wine. It's not over oaked (like so many wines from small wineries). Overall, this wine is well made - it just needs more fruit to combat the strong tannins. I'd be interested in seeing what subsequent vintages are like. 2.5 stars.

New Clairvaux 2006 St. James Block Viognier

Wow, what a wonderful wine! I'm constantly impressed with the wines coming out of New Clairvaux, and the viognier is no exception. Not a strongly fruity wine, but with hints of lemongrass on the nose that evolve into more typical floral notes. On the palate, a very dry, full-bodied and complex white wine. Very impressive and highly recommended. Available at Vino 100 or the winery. If you really want a nice local wine, this is one to drink. 3.5 stars.

Homework

You know, I think I know why the homework thing isn't working. I never ask anyone to turn their homework in. Well, that's going to change. This week's homework is to try a local wine, and you have one week from right now to send an email to the Beat about your local wine experience. Good? Bad? Ugly? If I don't get a response from you, you flunk wine class.

As to where to find local wines, Vino 100 has the best selection of local wines in town, or you can head out to the wineries and do your tasting there. Here's a few that you can check out:

New Clairvaux (www.newclairvauxvineyard.com)
Grey Fox (www.greyfox.net)
Odyssey Vineyards
Quilici Vineyards (www.quilicivineyards.com)
LaRocca Vineyards (www.laroccavineyards.com)
Long Creek Winery (www.longcreekwinery.com)

The White Savage

2007-04-25T17:26:00.000-07:00

Summer is coming. As I write this, it feels like it's already here. But the forecast is that it'll be raining when you read this. So, summer is coming. Eventually.

And when summer finally does arrive, your average Chicoan will trade in their wine bottle for an ice cold Summerfest. But it doesn't have to be that way. It's true that hot weather isn't red wine weather, but there are plenty of cool, refreshing white wines out there to keep you inebriated all summer long. One of my personal favorites is sauvignon blanc.

Sauvignon blanc (SO-veen-yon BLAHN) hails from the Bordeaux and Loire Valley regions of France, but is grown in most wine producing regions of the world. California and New Zealand are particularly known for sauvignon blanc. The name roughly translates to "wild white" - from "sauvage", the French word for wild. But though the sauvignon blanc grape may be descended from wild grapes, it's not a wildly flavored wine. In fact, it is one of the lightest wines out there. Poorer sauvignon blancs can be weak to the point that they look and taste like water.

Flavor-wise, sauvignon blancs typically aren't hugely fruity. Where a Riesling might hit you over the head with a truckload of apricot and green apple, sauvignon blancs are often more herbaceous, with grassy notes. The most infamous characteristic of some sauvignon blancs is a pronounced aroma of cat pee. Yum! Pour me a tall steaming glass o' that!

In reality, of course, sauvignon blanc doesn't actually taste like cat pee (though it's a valid point that I don't really know that for a fact, even though I've owned several cats). Typically, sauvignon blancs are dry (not at all sweet), and have light citrus and herb notes, and a nice tart acidity that makes them very refreshing on a hot summer day. For my money, I'd rather have a sauvignon blanc than a chardonnay any day, but then I don't make any bones about not liking most chardonnays.

Geyser Peak 2005 California Sauvignon Blanc

This sauvignon blanc bucks the trend with strong sweet aromas of nectartine, apricot and lemon peel. Smells very refreshing. On the palate, it's a bit tart, but with no hint of the sweetness on the nose. Citrusy, lemon peel flavors dominate, to the point of being almost too strong. However, the tartness and acidity gave it a backbone that goes fantastically with food. Not a sipping wine; definitely a food wine. Available at Cost Plus. 3.25 stars.

Kim Crawford 2006 Marlborough New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc

New Zealand is the "in" place for sauv blanc these days, and Kim Crawford is a nearly ubiquitous label. Much milder nose than the Geyser Peak, with just a hint of green apple and citrus. On the tongue, it's a more full bodied wine, with notes of apricot and spice. Not as bitter as the Geyser Peak, but not as complex or refreshing either. Available at Cost Plus. 3 stars.

Chateau St. Jean 2005 Sonoma County Fumé Blanc

The name “fumé blanc” was made up by Robert Mondavi for an oaky sauvignon blanc that he produced – “fumé” meaning smoky in French. The name has stuck, but the meaning has gotten blurred. Some fumé blancs are pure sauvignon blanc, and some are blends of sauvignon blanc with other white grapes like Semillon.

The Chateau St. Jean is one of the blends, but it has much more typical sauvignon blanc characteristics than either of the first two wines. A bit herby on the nose, with less fruit than the first two wines. Definitely more grassy and hay-like. On the palate the herbaceousness carries through. Crisp, and full-bodied, with a smooth finish. Nice. Available at most grocery stores. 3.25 stars.

Chateau Marjosse 2003 Entre Deux Mers

This french sauvignon blanc from Bordeaux is very different from any of the other wines. More full-bodied and a deeper yellow. On the nose, clearly a more serious wine with less fruit and a more straw-like aroma, with a touch of dried peach and just a hint of that yummy cat pee. On the palate, very dry, firm and complex, slightly tart with a hint of grapefruit on the finish. Overall, this wine is in a different class than the others and can hold its own as a sipping wine or as a food wine. Available at Vino 100. 3.5 stars.

Homework

If you've never tried a sauvignon blanc, head out to your favorite wine shop and pick up a bottle. Stuff it in the back of the fridge and wait for a nice hot summer day. Then pull that puppy out and salud!

Ali vs. Frazier

2007-04-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

I like perusing the wine selection in Costco. In their premium bin they actually have some very nice wines. Though the selection changes daily, you can always count on finding Dom Perignon, BV Georges de Latour, and even an occasional nice Bordeaux like Chaueau Haut Brion – for the bargain basement price of $250 a bottle. For the most part, however, their selection is heavy on California wines, and that's fine.

A while back I saw something I had never seen before, or even imagined was possible: a Kirkland Bordeaux. Kirkland, if you've ever bothered to notice, is the Costco house brand. That's right; Costco is bottling French Bordeaux under their house label. Ummm…

After I stopped laughing and managed to convince Costco security that I, a) wasn't a threat to their clientele, and, b) had money, I took a closer look. By God, that's what the label really said. “2003 Kirkland Signature Pauillac Bordeaux.” “Signature”, no less! Oo-la-la!

But who would buy Costco brand Bordeaux? Costco Bordeaux is a little like a Ronco space shuttle. It doesn't sound like such a great idea. I'm really not sure what market segment they were shooting for, but they hit the “snotty wine columnist looking for something to bash” market right on the head. “I gotta get me some of this!” I thought to myself. But at $25 a bottle, I restrained myself from buying a whole case, and left the store with a single cherished bottle.

For those of you who don't know, the Pauillac (pow-YAK) is probably the single most famous wine-making region of Bordeaux, of France, and therefore of the world. It's home to names that even you have heard of, including Chateau Latour, Chateau Lafite-Rothschild and Chateau Mouton-Rothschild. Dark, intense, cabernet sauvignon grapes are the primary ingredient in Pauillac Bordeaux. Snazzy – and expensive – stuff. Did that sort of pedigree run in the purple juice of Chateau Kirkland? I didn't know, but I was going to find out.

To make it interesting, I decided to do the classic face off: French Bordeaux vs. California cabernet. I had my Bordeaux; for my California cab challenger, there was only one place to go: Trader Joe's. I mean, really, what better wine to take on the Costco house brand than the infamous Two Buck Chuck? So I scored myself a bottle of 2002 Charles Shaw California Cabernet Sauvignon and headed home.

I couldn't wait to pop open these bad boys, but I figured I'd do this right. So I got out a couple of decanters and poured each bottle into its own decanter to breathe. I still promise to do a column on decanting (someday) but the short version is that letting the wine breathe for several hours in a decanter allows it do develop flavors and aromas. It's particularly effective on very complex wines, but it works even on the cheap stuff. OK, maybe not on Carlo Rossi Hearty Burgundy, but on most reds it's well worth decanting. Just trust me on this, OK?

So, I decanted the wines, but decided to have a small taste right out of the bottle, like your average Chateau Kirkland and Charles Shaw buyer would do.

Let's just say that they were both hideously vile. The Two Buck Chuck had the aroma of dust and strawberries and was very bitter on the finish. The Kirkland wasn't any better; if anything it was even more bitter. Undrinkable. 0.5 stars for both. Blech!

But after three hours both wines had “evolved” considerably.

The Kirkland had developed a slight and pleasant earthiness on the nose, with hints of blackberry and raspberry. Nice. On the palate it had lost the bitter finish, but it was replaced with really huge dry mouth-puckering tannins. Ouch! And that was about it. Not much fruit…not much anything. Nada. Zip. Bupkis. That was a hell of a long way to go for nothing. I was expecting to either discover an amazing bargain or (much more likely) a spectacularly nasty concoction more suited to spraying on cockroaches than to washing down a nice steak. But nothing? A big letdown. 1.5 stars.

The Charles Shaw fared better. The dust was gone from the nose, leaving clear red fruit notes. On the palate it wasn't particularly deep or complex, but I don't know what the heck you're expecting for $1.99. Mild fruit, balanced tannins. A bit hot on the finish, but not objectionable. Amazingly, this was an OK wine. I rate it “drinkable when there is absolutely nothing else to drink”. 2.5 stars.

Actually, the Charles Shaw cab was SO good (or at least sufficiently better than godawful) that it has inspired me to review the entire Two Buck Chuck line, which I think includes the cab, a merlot, a shiraz, a chardonnay, and maybe even a sauvignon blanc. Look for that in a future column. In the meantime, I'm taking suggestions. Any subjects that you want me to expansively expound upon with a dazzling display of educated erudition? Any wines that you'd like me to taste (sorry – I already did Thunderbird)? Let me know.

Oh, and by the way, if you want to see me doing the Costco vs. Trader Joe's taste off, you can watch it at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=816toJzgidM .

Vino Down Under

2007-04-16T20:27:00.000-07:00

I love Australians. I'm not sure why. I guess it's because they're like big, happy-go-lucky Americans with cool accents. They're like Americans who don't have to carry the weight of being American around with them. They don't have a history of exploitive, self-serving and destructive foreign policy to weigh them down, so they seem happier and more innocent than most Americans. Maybe they wouldn’t appreciate the comparison (particularly these days), but to me Aussies are the coolest.

And, of course, I’ve always wanted to go to Australia. When I started getting into wine, I discovered that there was a whole ‘nuther reason to go. They make wine in Australia!

And I thought Australia was beer country. But the Aussies have been making wine for over 200 years. True, a lot of it was cheap, over-sweetened fortified plonk for the Brits (who have a notorious sweet tooth when it comes to wines), but eventually Australia began to produce some serious wines, worthy of global attention.

It was probably the 1980’s before quality wine making really started to take hold down under, but the Aussies were quick studies and started producing some top-notch wines. For some reason (that I wasn’t able to discern after doing a two-minute Google search on Australian wine history) the grape that Australia is most well known for is syrah.

No, no, no, you say. Australia is known for shiraz, not syrah. You say potato, I say potahto. Australian shiraz is made from the French syrah grape that hails from the Rhone Valley. The grape that makes stunning (and pricey) Hermitage and Cote Rotie wines, and provides the backbone for Chateauneuf du Pape. The grape that makes some kick ass California wines, particularly in the Sierra foothills and Paso Robles regions. The grape that is my favoritist in the whole wide world.

Yeah, that one. For some weird reason, the Aussies renamed the grape when they imported it. Don’t ask me why – Google kept mumbling some nonsense about Persians. I think Google’s been doing drugs again.

Whatever, syrah/shiraz is far and away the most widely grown grape variety on the continent. Top locations for shiraz in Australia include the Barossa Valley, the Clare Valley, the Yarra Valley, and Coonawarra. Most of these are near Adelaide in South Australia, the IN destination for the Australian wine traveler.

Whereas French syrah-based wines tend to be deep and complex, Australia shiraz’s tend to be big, loud, friendly and forward – like Aussies themselves. They’re usually, very fruity, spicy, jammy wines that anyone can drink and enjoy. In reality they are so different from the earthy, complex French syrahs or the dense California syrahs, that there really is no way to compare them. Autralian shiraz is a thing unto itself.

Yellow Tail 2006 South eastern Australia Shiraz

OK, I’ve already tasted this one in a previous column, but this is the one wine that everybody buys. I could hardly do a column on Australian wine without at least mentioning the yellow label. Huge spice on the nose. Wow. Cinnamon, allspice and tons of nutmeg. It’s almost like a pumpkin pie! A touch of floral aromas that evolve into vanilla and caramel. Damn! That’s yummy! On the palate, massive amounts of dark, simple fruit and spice. That nutmeg is overpowering. Maybe not for everyone, but this sure does goes down smooth. No wonder people love this stuff! 3.5 stars. Yow! $6.99 at every grocery store on the planet.

Jacob’s Creek 2003 South Australia Reserve Shiraz

Dark aromas of bramble, roasted coffee and a bit of toast, evolving into what I refer to as “aromatic esters”, kind of a banana smell without the banana, if that makes any sense. Not much fruit on the palate. Noticeable tannins. Very disappointing, actually. Not much going on. A big pass. 2.5 stars. $11.99 at Cost Plus.

Yalumba 2001 Barossa Shiraz

Seriously funkadelic on the nose – strong notes of earth, smelly cheese, and barnyard. Yeah, baby – very Burgundy. Definitely not for everyone, and definitely not very Australian – but very interesting and unusual nonetheless. On the tongue, a bit of spice, subdued blackberry fruit. Nowhere near as interesting as the nose. Eh. 2.75 stars. $14.99 at Cost Plus.

Jim Barry 2004 Clare Valley Shiraz “The Lodge Hill”

OK, now we’re cooking with gas. On the nose, a delightful spiciness that develops into serious aromas of camphor, eucalyptus, oregano and a touch of citrus peel. Sounds more like an herbal tea than a wine, but this complex spiciness is more than offset by a base of dense dark fruits. On the palate, strongly spicy, carrying over the camphor flavor, counterbalanced by dark rich flavors of blackberry and black cherry. A bit of a floral flourish on the finish. Easily the most complex and interesting of the bunch – fruity, but miles from simple plonk. 3.75 stars. $22 at Vino 100.

P.S. I was glad to see that Vino 100 opened only 8 days after a thirsty SUV crashed their party and took out a whole wall of wine bottles. Although the decor still looks a bit, uh, 'unfinished' in places, drop by and give Debby your condolences. They still have plenty of wine and it appears that their entire stock of New Clairvaux was spared.

Tasty Tastings

2007-04-07T21:49:00.000-07:00

The Chico ER is worthless (big surprise to hear that coming from a columnist for a struggling weekly). I don't watch TV news, but a couple of people told me they saw a TV news story about old lady driving through the front window of Vino 100. So I went to the Chico ER website and spent about 15 minutes trying to find word one on the story. Nada. A Google search turned up only two media sources that mentioned the story: the KNVN website and - guess what - the Chico Beat. Isn’t the ER supposed to be the daily news source for Chico? Kudos to KNVN and the Beat for actually covering local news. Sheesh.

Anyway, my sincere condolences to Debby Stewart and the crew at Vino 100. I saw a photo of the accident on the KNVN website, and I know that old lady took out your entire collection of Riedel stemware (that's the fancy stuff that costs up to $80 a glass). Ouch! There were a couple of real nice decanters in that window display as well. What a shame.

Of course, an accident like that could make great fodder for a person like me, but things like that are a bit less funny when you know the people involved, so I’m going to pass.

What I’m not going to pass on is an opportunity to write about the two “wine tasting shops” (for lack of a better phrase) that we have here in Chico: Vino 100 (sporting a brand new front door, I hear) and Creekside Cellars.

The tough part about writing this particular column – and the reason that I’ve put it off so long – is that it’s difficult to be the sarcastic, snobby wine writer without saying something that might cause these people to spit in the next glass of wine they serve me.

See what I mean? Of course they would never do that, but it’s difficult to balance journalistic honesty with a desire to get free tastes of wine. But I’ll do my best.

Vino 100 and Creekside Cellars are very similar in basic concept. They’re both a nicely appointed shops with wine bottles lining the walls and small tables to sit at and taste the wares. A selection of wines are available for tastings at certain times. Call them to find out when and what they'll be tasting.

The local Vino 100 (www.vino100chico.com) on Mangrove next to Sports LTD, is run by the enthusiastic Debby Stewart, and is based on the noble concept of “one hundred great wines for $25 or less.” Indeed, though I haven’t counted, they certainly have at least that many varieties of wines. In addition, they carry far and away the widest selection of locally produced wines of any place in town. Sadly, many of these local wines suck (see, now I’m in trouble), but I think it’s truly wonderful that Vino 100 is supporting local wineries and giving them exposure to consumers. I honestly think that the more people try local wines, the more incentive these wineries will have to produce better wines.

Creekside Cellars (www.creeksidecellars.com), just around the corner near Morning Thunder, is owned and operated by Brenda and Dennis McLaughlin. They have a somewhat more eclectic (and in some cases much more expensive) selection of wines that Vino 100. Aside from the wine selection, the big draw at Creekside Cellars is the cheese case. They have a small but incredible selection of local and international cheeses. The aged Gouda is the crack cocaine of cheeses. Seriously. They have a huge wheel of the stuff. Someday, I’m going to break in at night and steal it.

Though I like wine tasting at both, it’s always amused me how different they are atmosphere-wise. Vino 100 is more Rock n’ Roll and baseball, while Creekside Cellars is more Classical music and cricket (OK, the cricket metaphor doesn’t work, but you get the idea). Thursday nights at Vino 100 can definitely take on a party atmosphere, while any night at Creekside Cellars won’t be much different than visiting a nice restaurant.

And that’s fine. Depending upon your mood you can go to either place. If you want a quiet evening, go to Creekside Cellars. If you want to socialize and have a good time, go to Vino 100.

What about the wines? Personally I've tended to like the wines I’ve tasted at Creekside Cellars better, but then Creekside Cellars isn’t afraid of serving a $50 bottle of wine. On the other hand, Vino 100 has an amazing willingness to try some offbeat wines you’d never get to taste otherwise. Some of those are hits and some are misses, but if you are the experimental type, Vino 100 might be more your taste.

In the end, they’re both worth visiting. You’ll get to try new wines from new places, and trying new wines is the only way to learn what wines you like.

Homework

Come on, do I really have to spell it out? Not the sharpest tool in the shed, are we? OK, OK. Your homework is to visit both Vino 100 and Creekside Cellars. Not just one – both. Tell them that Tony sent you. But please, visit them on separate nights. I don’t want you driving through anyone’s front window.

Oh Shenandoah

2007-03-19T22:35:00.000-07:00

Last week I did a quick review of a few of the wineries in the Fair Play region of Eldorado County. If you keep heading south 10-15 minutes from Fair Play, you'll cross the Amador County line and come upon the Shenandoah Valley wine district.

No, this isn't the Shenandoah Valley of song and legend. There's no rolling river through this valley. However, it is a beautiful valley of rolling oak-dotted hills, interspersed with green vineyards, well worth a Sunday drive. But there’s more to see here than just pretty trees.

If you’re coming south from Fair Play, the first winery that you’ll encounter is Sobon Estate, right on the edge of the Shenandoah Valley. The wines here vary widely in quality, though they make an excellent reserve zin (no really, I’m serious, this one is more than a booze bomb). I’ve also been impressed by their 2004 Reserve Carignane, which has a surprising complexity.

After Sobon Estate, there are several ways to go through the valley. You can stay on the main drag (Plymouth-Shenandoah Road), take a loop on Steiner Road, or turn off onto Shenandoah Schoolhouse Road. My recommendation is to take the Steiner Road loop and then continue down Shenandoah Schoolhouse Road.

The Steiner Road loop is home to several wineries, some more worthy of note than others. One of the biggest wineries in the area is Renwood Winery – you sometimes see their wines in grocery stores and at Cost Plus. Overall, I’m not too impressed with their offerings, other than a 1999 Amador County syrah I had once. Still, they have one of the largest and nicest tasting rooms in the valley.

One place well worth visiting on the Steiner loop is Amador Foothill Winery. Winemakers Katie Quinn and Ben Zeitman do an impressive job on just about all of their wines. My special favorite is their 2004 Katie’s Cote, a Rhone-style blend of syrah and grenache. This wine has earthly aromas, dense dark fruit flavors, with a touch of dark mocha on the finish. Excellent.

I was also impressed with their 2004 Sauvignon Blanc. This wine has just a touch of citrus on the nose, but much stronger notes of peach and apricot. Very nice and much fuller than your typical sauvignon blanc. Good acidity makes it very crisp and tart, with good notes of citrus and lemon rind. A very balanced and refreshing wine.

Once you emerge from the Steiner Road loop, cross the main highway and continue south on Shenandoah Schoolhouse Road. Give Karmere Winery a pass. We found their wines to be way too sweet and alcoholic for our tastes. They even had almond- and raspberry-flavored sparkling wines that were pretty nasty.

However, a little farther down the road and around a corner is Cooper Vineyards, where you can wash the raspberry flavor out of your mouth. A tiny tasting room packed with barrels greets you. But the wines here are consistently drinkable. Notables include their syrah, viognier and petite sirah.

Continuing south, you’ll pass Montevina Winery. Easily the largest winery in the Shenandoah Valley, Montevina wines can be found in grocery stores everywhere. Which is why I’ve never stopped in for a tasting. Maybe their wines are OK. I honestly don’t know.

On your way back to the main road, you’ll see the imposing Bella Piazza Winery on your left. Ah, Napa comes to the Sierra foothills. This large tourist trap is filled to the rafters with hideous knickknacks. Tuscan-style paintings, rugs, huge terra cotta jars – everything is for sale at Napa prices. Oh yeah, they also have a tasting room, but don’t expect to talk to the owner or winemaker. The girl who served us was nice, but knew virtually nothing about the wines. Do I even need to comment on the quality of the wines?

Once you get back to the main road, there is one more place to stop – the best winery on the whole trip. So turn right, back up the valley, to Domaine de la Terre Rouge. I can’t say enough about this place. They make – hands down – the best Rhone-style wines of any winery in Amador or Eldorado counties.

My personal favorite is the 2000 Sierra Foothills Syrah. Strong, fruit-driven aroma. Waves of dense dark fruit, pencil lead, blueberry, black pepper and spice. Very intense and complex. On the palate, again dark, huge fruit flavors, but balanced by notes of vanilla, pepper and spice. Mild tannins. Amazingly balanced and complex.

However, any of their syrahs are excellent, including their Sentinel Oak and Les Cotes de l’Quest syrahs. Their Ascent syrah has even gotten national recognition, though I’ve never been able to afford a bottle. They also make a truly excellent mourvèdre.

Homework

Yeah, I know, you just got back from Fair Play, and now I’m sending you right back down to the Shenandoah Valley. Tough.

Directions: The best way to go is to head to Sacramento and then out Highway 16 to Plymouth.

Worth a Hit: Domaine de la Terre Rouge, Amador Foothill, Sobon Estate, Cooper Vineyards

Worth a Miss: Karmere, Stonehouse, Story, Bella Piazza

Dinner: Without a doubt, the best restaurant within 10 miles of the Shenandoah Valley is Taste (http://www.restauranttaste.com/) in Plymouth. Superior food, excellent, knowledgeable service, and a good selection of local wines. A must.

Playing Fair

2007-03-19T22:06:00.000-07:00

As you may have figured out by now, you’re never going to get a trip review from me for Napa Valley. Sure, there are some great – world class – wines from Napa, but the wine tasting experience there isn’t even remotely enjoyable for me. Crowded, over-hyped and expensive; that’s how I characterize it. A big part of what makes wine tasting enjoyable for me is the relaxed atmosphere; talking with the winemaker him- or herself and enjoying the rural environment.

One of the best places to still capture this experience – and taste some surprisingly stunning wines – is in the Sierra Foothills, only a couple of hours from Chico. This week, I’ll talk about the Fair Play region of Eldorado County. Next week I’ll talk about the Shenandoah Valley of Amador County.

The Fair Play region (roughly 20 minutes south of Placerville) is perhaps the most under-appreciated wine making region in California. Like Lodi, the area is “famous” for its burnt and overblown fruit bomb zinfandels with 16% alcohol, but in my opinion you should skip the zins altogether. What this region really surpasses at are Rhone wines – the syrahs, grenaches and viogniers that hail from the Rhone valley of France.

And one of the best-known places for Rhone wines in Fair Play is Holly's Hill Vineyards (http://www.hollyshill.com/). Holly's Hill prides itself on making Rhone wines and in comparing their wines to Cotes du Rhone and Chateauneuf du Papes from France. And though they can’t quite compete with a quality Chateauneuf du Pape, they do make some truly top-notch wines. One wine that stands out is the 2004 Wylie-Fenaughty Syrah. This was wine has a truly earthy complexity and is well worth seeking out. Overall, all of Holly's Hill wines are a clear cut above of the highly alcoholic zinfandel fruit bombs that many of the wineries in this area churn out. Holly’s Hill is easily in the top five or six wineries to visit in the area.

Just down the road from Holly’s Hill is Heaven’s Gate Vineyards (http://www.narrowgatevineyards.com/). I missed this winery on my first few trips to the area, but it’s very much worth a stop. Like Holly’s Hill, Narrow Gates owners and Los Angeles escapees Frank and Teena Hildebrand specialize in Rhone Valley wines. I haven’t had the chance to do more than taste their wines at the winery, but their syrah and viognier were both excellent. I will definitely be returning to taste their wines in more detail.

Probably the best overall winery in the Fair Play area is Windwalker Vineyards (http://www.windwalkervineyard.com/). Interestingly enough, while most other wineries focus on either zinfandel booze bombs or refined Rhone wines, owner Arnie Gilpin focuses the weight of his craft on Bordeaux style wines, based on cabernet sauvignon and cabernet franc. And it shows.

Easily the most developed, most complex, and most profound wine produced in the entire Fair Play region is Windwalker’s Lady in Red Bordeaux blend. Both the 2002 and 2003 vintages (when properly decanted) are absolutely stunning wines that – seriously – could complete with cabernets from Napa and Sonoma. How he gets such complex and full-bodied cabernets in this region I don’t know, but no one else seems to be able to replicate his success. All the other cabs I’ve had in this region were worth a pass.

There is another place also worth your attention, though there is no tasting room, and not even any winery – at least not yet. My partner and I had the great pleasure to taste a syrah from Bechard Vineyards (http://bechardvineyard.com/) at a local restaurant. We were extremely impressed with their 2003 Herbert Vineyard Syrah and decided to look up the seemingly homeless winemakers.

We ended up spending a truly wonderful day talking and tasting wines with Andrea and Ted Bechard in their half-built home near Fair Play. The walls weren’t even complete and the winter wind blew right through the four of us, but there can be no more warming experience than tasting wonderful, interesting wines with the very people who made them. To me, that experience – four people sitting around talking about wine and life – is still the high point of my wine tasting experience.

You can still find that experience in California, but you have to be willing to look for it. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Homework

Do I need to spell it out? Head down to the Fair Play region this weekend and taste some wines. Do us all a favor and skip the zinfandels. You might be able to arrange a tasting with the Bechards, but please, don’t everyone overwhelm them at once. Absolutely do not miss Windwalker Vineyards.

Directions: Go to Placerville. Turn south. How hard could it be?

Worth a hit: Windwalker, Holly’s Hill, Narrow Gate, Mount Aukum, Busby

Worth a miss: Fleur de Lys, Granite Springs, Toogood, Winery by the Creek, Oakstone

Dinner: The Gold Vine Grill in Somerset (http://www.goldvinegrill.com/). Owner Mary Kemp is a wonderful person to talk to and knows everything about the local wines. And the food is superb. Best thing to do is show up at 3:30 for the afternoon tasting menu. Great wines and tasty small plates. Yum!

Ge-whatsa-meener?

2007-03-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

I've left German wines for last in my lexicon on wine pronunciations for a couple of reasons, but mostly because German wine terms include some of the biggest, longest, most tongue-twistingess words out there. I’m not sure what it is with the Germans; maybe spaces are rare and expensive, but whatever the case, they sure seem to like to string words together. Where the Italians will come up with a long name of three or four words (like “Vernaccia di Serrapetrona”), the Germans like to jam them all together in one really, really long word.

There’s nothing wrong with that if you’re a native German speaker, but the uninitiated tend to blanch when they encounter a word like “trockenbeerenauslese”, which simply means “selected dry berries” – or more literally, “selecteddryberries”. German is full of words like that. How about “weingärtnergenossenschaft”?

No wonder they started a couple of World Wars – they were probably pissed that no one could pronounce their language (or pissed that they had to).

As far as pronunciation goes, I always had trouble with German (no duh). It seems like it should be like English – much of the English language comes from German – but they have some tongue-twisting ways of putting letters together and then saying them. The best thing you can do to improve your German pronunciation is hawk up a big load of phlegm, but don’t spit it out. Just keep it in your mouth and try to talk around it. Crude, I know, but it does wonders every time.

The most obvious difference in German is how “w” is pronounced. Ve all know this one, don’t’ ve? In German “w” is pronounced like “v”.

Gewürztraminer = guh-VURTS-trah-mee-ner
Weingärtnergenossenschaft = VINE-gart-nur-geh-NAW-sehn-shaft

“Th is pronounced as “t”. Yes, you’ve been saying “Neanderthal” wrong all this time, you knuckle-dragging Neanderthal.

Müller-Thurgau = MEW-lerr TOUR-gow
Thanisch = TAH-nihsh

Vowels are tricky in German, particularly “ie” and “ei”. I was always saying them wrong. But I finally realized that you pronounce the second vowel and ignore the first. So “ie” is pronounced as “e” and “ei” is pronounced as “i”. Cool.

Riesling = REEZ-ling
Mittelrhein = MIHT-uhl-rine

The letters “Ch” are pronounced as “k” (with a bit of spit thrown in at the end), but not if part of “sch”.

Bereich = beh-RICK
Sachsen = ZAHKH-zuhn

An “e” at the end of a word is often pronounced as “uh”.

Trockenbeerenauslese = TRAWK-uhn-bay-ruhn-OWS-lay-zuh
Grosslage = GROSS-lah-guh

“Pf” is pronounced as “f”.

Rheinpfalz = RINE-faults

In fact there are so many weird pronunciations in German that there’s no way I could cover them all. It’s just too flurbereinigung.

Homework

Your homework this week is supposed to be tasting German wines. Well, good luck finding a real German wine in Chico. CostPlus has a couple of bottles and Creekside Cellars has - count 'em - one. You may have to settle for a California- or Washington-grown version of German Riesling or Gewurztraminer. Both are light, often sweet white wines.

Wines of the Week

Dr. H Thanisch 2005 Riesling
Very tart, green apple aroma. Very nice. Just a touch of nectarine and muskmelon on the nose. This wine has the slightest touch of frizzante (a fancy word for fizz), which is nice. It's sweet, almost a bit cloying, so if you like only truly dry wines, this might not appeal to you. The acidity is a bit weak on this wine, so it's not as crisp and refreshing as it might be. Available at CostPlus for $15.99. 3 stars.

Sander Halbtrocken Riesling
Halbtrocken means "half dry", and this is a lightly sweet wine. Muskier and less aromatic than the Thanisch, it has more nectarine and apricot on the nose. On the palate there is no frizzante, but that is more than made up for by a really refreshing crispness. Very nice and enjoyable. This wine goes great with Indian food. I'm not kidding - Rieslings generally pair well with curries and other spicy Asian foods. Available at Creekside Cellars for $12.99. 3.5 stars.

The Good, the Bad and the Unpronounceable

2007-03-04T17:58:00.000-08:00

Odds are that you know only one word regarding Italian wines: chianti. And who could blame you? I'm convinced that the reason nobody knows anything about Italian wines is because Italian wines are confusing as hell. I mean, there's like 475 different wine producing regions in Italy. Every little village seems to have its own wine that nobody else produces.

For example, the montepulciano grape comes from Abruzzi in east-central Italy (somewhere above the Achilles tendon in the Italian boot), and wines called "Montepulciano d'Abruzzo" must be at least 85% montepulciano grape and come from the Abruzzi region. Fair enough. But Vino Nobile di Montepulciano is a wine that comes from Tuscany, and is made from the sangiovese grape (the same variety used in chianti), not the montepulciano grape. Huh? Now why would they go and do a thing like that? I thought Italians were nice people.

Where the French are very stuffy and uptight about their wines, I get the feeling that the Italians really don't care. They make great wines, no mistake about it, but they just don't care much about what's called what or defined how or made with what grape. Everybody just does their own thing. As a result, there are a million different types of wines, from barolos and barbarescos to brunello de montalcinos and buttafuocos (I kid you not. You really think I would I make up a name like that?).

It's a consumer nightmare.

I'll go into Italian wines in more detail once I've learned something about them, but today's column is about pronouncing Italian wine terms.

Italian words are easy to pronounce as long as you gesticulate wildly as you talk. OK, OK, that was a cheap shot, but for some reason it really does seem to help. Actually Italian wine terms wouldn’t be so bad if there weren’t so many weird tongue-twisters. Things like “Amarone della Valpolicella” and “Lambrusco Grasparossa di Castelvetro”. When it comes to big long names, the Italians are almost as bad as the Germans.

OK, the rules:

If a word ends in “e”, it’s pronounced as its own syllable.

Sangiovese = san-joh-VAY-zeh
Amarone = ah-mah-ROH-neh

If a word has “ci” in it, the letters are pronounced “ch”.

Montepulciano = mon-te-pool-CHAH-noh
Montelcino = mon-tall-CHEE-noh

If a word has “ce” in it, the letters are pronounced “che”.

Docetto = dole-CHET-oh
Valpolicella = vol-paw-lee-CHEL-lah

If a word has “ch” in it, the letters are pronounced “k”. Isn’t this all backwards?

Chianti = kee-AHN-tee

The letters “gna” are pronounced “nyah”, just like “lasagna”.

Albana di Romagna = ahl-BAH-nah dee roh-MAH-nyah
Carmignano = kahr-mee-NYAH-noh

Homework

Today’s homework is as simple as last week’s. Try a bottle of Italian wine. Strangely enough, you can probably find a better selection of Italian wines in Chico than French wines. Creekside Cellars, in particular, has an interesting (if sometimes pricey) selection. Cost Plus World Market also carries a small selection. Be forewarned that Italian reds (other than thin insipid chiantis) tend to be BIG wines that need some bottle aging or heavy pasta sauce to cut them down to size. They're not delicate sipping wines.

Wines of the Week

2003 Da Vinci Chianti

Rustic aromas, with lots of vanilla, a touch of herbs and spices, and a faint echo of blackberry bramble. On the palette, it's clear that this wine is past its prime. A bit flat, somewhat tart with just a faint echo of fruit that died a year or two ago. These cheap (uh, affordable) Chiantis are meant to be drunk the day you buy them, so holding it as long as I did was a mistake. Probably decent in its time. Just about anywhere, about $11. 2.5 stars.

2001 Canonico Negroamaro

This little wine hails from the heel of Italy and is actually pretty decent. Rich, with a hint of wood smoke and spice. Not fruity on the nose. Mild red fruit on the palette, but more earthy than fruity. Certainly different from your California fruit bomb. Light, smooth tannins, and a tartness that would go well with pasta. 3 stars. $17.00 at Vino 100.

2001 Allegrini Palazzo Della Torre

I had the 2000 vintage of this wine and it was stunning in its complexity and earthiness. In fact, I bought the last two bottles of the 2000 that Cost Plus had. The 2001, unfortunately, pales in comparison. It's not a bad wine - in fact, its very good - but the 2000 was an incredible wine. A bit of earthiness to this on the nose, and a touch of licorce and spice - oregano and green pepper. Not very fruity or dense, a nice tartness and assertive tannins...but nothing like the 2000. If you can score a bottle of the 2000, pay whatever it takes. Available at Creekside Cellars and Cost Plus for about $20. 3 stars.

Pouilly-Fuissé - What'd you Say?

2007-02-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

OK, enough whining and complaining about bad wine, bad expensive wine in restaurants, and bad wine tasting. Back to actually learning something about wine.

Today's lesson is on wine pronunciation. Most wines come from (or at least originated) someplace other than America. Strange, weird places with frighteningly unpronounceable names like "France", "Germany" and "Italy". As a result, wine names and other wine terms are usually in some indecipherable foreign language like "French", "German" or "Italian". Typical of such uncivilized cultures, none of these barbaric peoples know how to properly pronounce their own language.

That's where I come in. My purpose here is to begin to provide a guide to wine pronunciation. Not that I actually know anything about foreign languages. I grew up in San Diego (sandy AY-go) and still pronounce baja “ba-ja”. But I'm betting that, not knowing any better, you'll pronounce things however I tell you to. That ought to be worth some laughs when you pronounce Pouilly-Fuissé as “poo-yay fwee-SAY”. Like any real wine term has the word “poo” in it! “Hahahahaha!! He said ‘poo'!! What a moron!”

I've already taken the French to task about their pronunciation, but the more I learn about wine, the more I've come to realize that French might actually be the easiest of the major wine languages. Sure, at first it doesn't make any sense, but once you learn the rules, French is very consistent. If you know the rules, you can properly (as properly as any cretinous, knuckle-dragging American can) pronounce any French word. And French doesn't have many mouth-filling tongue twisters like “trockenbeerenauslese” or “Montepulciano d'Abruzzo”.

So what are the rules to pronouncing French? Well, like I said, I'm no expert (and I'm sure I'll hear from everyone who actually knows how to speak French), but I'll share what I've learned about pronouncing French wine terms.

If a word ends in a consonant, you typically don't pronounce it.

Petit Verdot = Peh-TEE Ver-DOE
Pinot Gris = PEE-noh GREE

This is true even for words ending in “s”.

Graves = grahv
Côtes-du-Rhône = Coat doo RONE

However, there are exceptions, though I'm not sure what the rules are governing them.

Pomerol = paw-mer-AWL
Pinot Noir = PEE-no NWAHR

The letters “eau” and “eaux” are both pronounced as “oh”.

Bordeaux = bor-DOH
Chateau, chateaux = sha-TOH

Double “l” is pronounced as “y”, somewhat like Spanish.

Pauillac = pow-YAK
Sémillon = say-mee-YAWN

The letters “ch” are always pronounced as “sh”, NOT a hard “ch” like in “chair”.

Chardonnay = shar-doh-NAY
Chenin Blanc - SHEN-an BLAN

The letter “e” at the end of words isn't typically pronounced unless it has an accent on it.

Grenache = gruh-NAHSH
Sancerre = sahn-SEHR
Pouilly-Fumé = poo-yay foo-MAY

The letters “ier” are pronounced “yay”. Yeah, like that makes sense.

Viognier = vee-own-YAY
Sommelier = so-mell-YAY

OK, so quiz time! See if you can properly pronounce the following words (answers at the end of the column):

Pinot Meunier
Sauternes
Chateauneuf du Pape
Bouteille
Chablis
Beaujolais Nouveau

Oh, and Pouilly-Fuissé? It really is pronounced as poo-yay fwee-SAY. Really. I swear.

Homework

Today's homework is simple. Try a bottle of French wine. Sure French wines (like top-notch Bordeaux) can be astronomically expensive, but they aren't all unaffordable. But remember, just as with California wine, you typically get what you pay for.

Sadly, there are few places in Chico with any kind of selection of French wines. Creekside Cellars has a few lonely bottles, but not near enough (hint, hint). The best selection, poor as it is, is at Cost Plus World Market.

Answers (Note: print upside down at the bottom of the column):

1. PEE-no moon-YAY; 2. saw-TURN; 3. sha-toe-noof doo POP; 4. boo-TAY (“shake your bouteille, shake your bouteille”); 5. sha-BLEE; 6. boo-zho-LAY new-VOH

Wines of the Week

2003 Guigal Côtes-du-Rhône

Côtes-du-Rhônes are the poor brothers to top Rhône Valley wines, like Chateauneuf du Pape and Côte-Rôtie. I've yet to find a Côtes-du-Rhône that I've fallen in love with – typically, I find them a bit on the thin side. But they're a real bargain compared to other Rhône wines. This wine started out a bit thin, but after two hours of decanting, it was nearly as good as the Chateauneuf du Pape, listed below. Intense honeyed aromas, and a great explosion of floral, honeysuckle flavors. Definitely needs decanting. For the price, it's totally worth trying, and it's definitely different than your typical California fruit bomb. Available at Cost Plus for $11.99. 3.75 stars.

2003 Barons de Rothschild Reserve Speciale Pauillac

Ooh...a Lafite Rothschild! That's like a $400 bottle of wine, right? Well, hardly. The top Chateaux of Bordeaux have discovered what American wineries have discovered: you can sell several grades of wine under your label and make truckloads of money. Trust me, this wine has virtually no relation to their top label. This wine started with earthy aromas of damp cellar and stinky cheese, and developed into a wine with dark, dried fruits and an dried herb finish. Very Bordeaux. If you want to taste Bordeaux on a budget, you could do a lot worse. Needs at least an hour of decanting to reach its full potential. Cost Plus had a couple of different vintages of this wine. Though I haven't tasted it, I'd avoid the 2002 on general prinicples, since that was a terrible year in Bordeaux. Available at Cost Plus for $19.99. 3.5 stars.

2001 Guigal Chateauneuf du Pape

Ranked #41 of the top 100 wines of 2003 by Wine Spectator, this is one of the best wines I've ever had. Amazingly smooth, with sophisticated, yet understated fruit. A very complex wine that develops an incredible, mouth-filling floral character when decanted for a couple of hours. You've never tasted anything like this. If you've never had a serious wine, this is a great place to start. It's a waste of time to drink this wine without decanting it. It needs two hours of decanting to reach its peak. Hard to find, but available at Creekside Cellars for $41.99. Ouch! – but worth it. 5 stars.

Whine Tasting

2007-02-15T21:55:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has made a trip to Napa – or even Lodi – knows about the peculiar phenomenon called “wine tasting”. In places like Napa, wine tasting is not too different from bar crawling, but instead of staggering from bar to bar on foot, you stumble from winery to winery by means of your three ton, but less than steadily navigated, SUV. I’ve often felt that the more popular wine roads would make easy pickings for the local constabulary, but you never seem to see any police lying in wait. I’m sure the local Chamber of Commerce takes a dim view of tourists, happy on the local joy juice, spending an unhappy evening in the local drunk tank.

Some areas just don’t seem to be good places for tasting rooms. Napa’s mostly OK, since most of the wineries are on the valley floor and the roads are reasonably straight. But if you head up to the Sierra foothills south of Placerville it’s a different story. First of all, it’s all forest, so you have no idea where you are half the time. But the main problem is the windy roads. You have to wonder about the wisdom of promoting regional “wine trails” where fleets of tipsy tourists have to pilot their gleaming Hummers down windy, narrow country roads.

Once you actually get to a winery and manage to park without knocking over the geraniums, you probably enter the tasting room with every intention of leaving even more blotto than you were when you entered. And I think that’s my main problem with wine tasting. Wine tasting is a strange sort of hypocritical ritual. You go up to the fancy bar, ask what they’re pouring and then – if you’re like most people – you just slug down whatever swill they give you. Nobody spits. Few people swirl or smell the wine. They just knock it back, and all the while it’s all presented as some kind of highbrow experience.

As a wine snob, getting hammered on free hooch isn’t really what it’s all about. Us wine snobs are, for some crazy reason, actually interested in wine “appreciation”. Unlike your average wine tourista who seems to just want to get a free buzz, wine snobs want to experience and understand every aspect of a wine, from it’s color and density, to its aromas, and finally to its tastes and textures.

Yeah, I know, you’re playing the world’s smallest violin. I guess I just wish more people would pretend to actually be interested in the wine instead of just it’s alcohol content.

But I do have to say that I truly enjoy wine tasting at winery tasting rooms, particularly in less known – and less crowded – areas like the Sierra foothills or parts of the central coast.

Napa isn’t even on my list of places to visit any more for a number of reasons. It’s too crowded. It’s too glitzy. They charge exorbitant fees for tasting (up to $25 for a “basic” tasting – even more for a “reserve” tasting of their better wines!). The people pouring the wine are usually hired hands who know next to nothing about the wines. To me, that doesn’t add up to a great wine tasting experience.

On the other hand, in many of the lesser-known regions, you might be the only people in the tasting room. Tastings are almost always free. And very often you find your glass being filled by the winemaker him- or herself, instead of some ignorant part-time employee that who only knows whatever spiel they were trained to regurgitate on demand. There’s nothing like learning about a wine from the person who made it. It’s the highlight of the visit to any winery. I’ve met some truly wonderful people at wineries – and tasted some fascinating wines.

If you haven’t been wine tasting at a winery, you must try it. But please remember that there’s no shame in spitting (particularly if you’re driving). In fact, you can claim that you’re a world famous wine expert. Somebody might actually believe you.

Homework

I’m going to start a new section to this column: homework. Oh boy!! Each week I’m going to give you something to do. Most weeks, it will be pretty harmless. It will almost always involve drinking wine. How bad could that be?

This week’s homework assignment: Go taste the wines at the New Clairvaux winery in Vina (www.newclairvauxvineyard.com/). The New Clairvaux winery is part of the New Clairvaux Abbey, just off Highway 99, about 15 minutes north of Chico. I’ll probably do an entire column on New Clairvaux sometime, but suffice to say that they are at present the best local winery (yes, there are several). New Clairvaux is absolutely worth a visit. The monks are very nice, and if you’re lucky, winemaker Aimee Sunseri will be there giving tours and barrel tastings.

Stuck in Lodi

2007-02-12T21:09:00.001-08:00

Ever since Creedence Clearwater Revival sang about being penniless in Lodi, the sleepy farming town of Lodi has had a bad rep. But Lodi is one of the biggest wine producing regions in the state, and has over 100 years of wine growing history, stretching back to the heyday of the Flame Tokay grape. Even today, the Lodi area produces more wine than Napa and Sonoma counties combined.

But in the wine industry, as in the music industry, Lodi’s reputation has not fared well. Known as the northern capital of the bulk wine industry (Modesto is the southern capital), Lodi is home to Sutter Home and Woodbridge. Lodi has justly earned a reputation as a cheap wine Mecca.

But all that's beginning to change - or so I keep hearing. Lodi is the new boutique wine capital, with small wine makers popping up everywhere. Suddenly, poor old disrespected Lodi, butt of hick farming town jokes, is hip. Even the stodgy old AAA is blowing Lodi's horn, with a cover article on the Lodi wine country in a recent issue of their member magazine. Well, anyone who knows me knows that I'm all about what's hip. If the AAA, with its geezer drivers, thinks Lodi is hip, then I must really be missing the boat! So, I hopped in my AAA-insured Mercury Grand Marquis and tooled down Highway 99 to find out.

Downtown Lodi is actually pretty cute - if you can tell much on a Sunday morning when the only thing open is the Starbucks. But they've obviously put a lot of effort into revitalizing the central downtown area; brick intersections, nice streetlights, even a few fancy restaurants - all make downtown Lodi actually fairly appealing to look at.

But downtown is not where the wine action is in Lodi, so off I headed to the north end of town and the Lodi Wine & Visitor's Center (www.lodiwine.com). The Visitors Center is a nice new building that looks like a cheap knockoff of a Napa Valley winery. Inside, there are a few rather lame exhibits. The real draw is the "wine shop" which is really a large tasting room. The people pouring wine were very nice, but I made the mistake of saying that I was interested in wines with subtlety and complexity. Our pourer just laughed. "You came to the wrong place," she said.

Boy, was she right. None of the wines we tasted were even halfway interesting. Not a great start, but it was early and we had a lot of wineries to hit. Back on the road, swerving slightly now, we headed for the best-known wine maker in the region: Michael-David. Never heard of them? OK, how about "7 Deadly Zins"? "6th Sense Syrah?" "Earthquake Zin?" Michael-David makes them all.

And the place was mobbed when we got there. The tasting bar looked like a dead zebra surrounded by feasting vultures. People were literally elbow-to-elbow fighting for space. When we finally poked and jabbed our way to the bar, we decided that this stuff must be damn good, so we went whole hog and paid to taste their full line of wines, from the cheap stuff all the way up to their $30 a bottle flagship cab.

Words can't describe how bad these wines were. As we were learning, the Lodi "style" of winemaking means producing over-heated, over-cooked, and over-oaked fruit and booze bomb wines. These are wines with no finesse, no originality, no character, and no creativity. Sadly, these were about the best wines we tasted that day.

Our last best hope to taste some decent wine was at the Vino Piazza in Lockeford, about 15 minutes east of Lodi. This former bulk winery has been converted into homes for about a dozen boutique wineries. Dutifully, we went from tasting room to tasting room, trying to find a way to gag politely on the vile concoctions we subjected ourselves to.

By the end of the day, I realized that the wines in Lodi all have virtually the same two deadly flaws.

First of all, the grapes are over-ripened to try to get the most fruit flavor and alcohol out of them. What happens when you leave grapes in the sun too long? That's right, you get raisins. And nearly every Lodi wine we tasted had a strong raisiny or cooked flavor. That’s fine in a port, but it’s a serious flaw in a cabernet.

And what do wine makers do with flawed grapes? They try to cover the flaw with lots and lots of oak. Used in moderation, oak can mask minor flaws in a wine. But if a little is good, more is definitely not better. Drinking these wines was like sucking on an oak 2x4 dipped in wine.

But the real problem is that people love this stuff and down it like water. I have a problem with that. Maybe I was wrong in my last column when I said "we’re not as stupid or ignorant as you think". Maybe we are. Wine - good wine - is fun. It's an incredible world of tastes, flavors, styles, people, places, and most of all, infinite variety. But bad wine is just a way to get drunk.

You don't have to drink bad wine, and you don't have to think that bad wine is good. And most of all, you don't have to pay $30 a bottle for good wine. I’m going to keep trying my damnedest to prove that to you. Just don't get stuck in Lodi.

The Truth - 100% Ad Free

2007-02-04T21:56:00.000-08:00

People occasionally ask me how I landed a gig writing this wine column. Was it my encyclopedic knowledge of wines? My finely honed writing skills? No, it was nothing like that. I got this job the Chico way: nepotism.

As a result, I never really bothered to actually read the paper or learn much about its editorial bent. I had a cush job with a fat paycheck, so what did I care? But for some reason (boredom), that changed this week and I actually flipped through the paper.

First thing I noticed was the editorial “poem” about the raise given to Dr. Zingg, President of Chico State. Suffice to say, it wasn’t flattering. Now, I actually really and truly know Dr. Zingg, so my point here is not to comment one way or another about the virtues of the poem. For the record, I have no opinion one way or another (I have a day job, and if you follow the org chart up far enough, his name and mine are connected, if you get my drift).

My point is to contrast that poem with what the Chico New & Review wrote about Dr. Zingg. Dr. Zingg is a nice guy – I know this from personal experience – but what the CN&R wrote could only be characterized as fawning. Their three-paragraph piece praised his leadership with words like “skill”, “flair”, “style”, “grace” and “sincerity”. Skill? Fine. But “flair” and “style”? He’s an administrator, not a hair stylist, for God’s sake.

Where the CN&R regularly fawns (I’m beginning to like that word) over local businesses and only pretends that it’s not salivating over another Walmart, the Beat regularly skewers self-important local business organizations and decries the imminent demise of Chico at the hands of the big box companies. Editorially, reading the Beat side-by-side with the “Snooze and Abuse” has been something of a revelation.

So what does this have to do with wine? Nothing per se. But I’m beginning to see the editorial differences between the Beat vs. the CN&R. The CN&R kisses up to everyone in Chico and gets tons of ads; some from obscure local businesses that I’m not sure actually exist. The Beat alienates everyone in Chico by trying to tell the truth and gets – at best – a dozen ads.

Cool. It’s all beginning to make sense.

I can alienate people, and I bet I can help get that ad count into single digits in the process. All it requires is telling the truth. For some reason, a lot of local businesses hate that. Let’s start with local restaurants.

Actually, let’s start with a chain restaurant to soften the blow a bit.

Last week for some inexplicable reason, my partner wanted to go to the Olive Garden. Normally we eschew such places in favor of locally owned establishments, but we were over by the Mall, it was a Monday, and Sierra Nevada and Kramore Inn were both closed.

Now, the Olive Garden just won a “Persons of the Year” award from Wine Enthusiast magazine for their efforts to educate Americans about wine by offering a “wide” selection of wines as well as giving free tastes of wine to every customer. Laudable…at least until you take a look at their wine list.

Remember the column I did on the really, really, really cheap stuff? Yeah, the one where I drank Thunderbird. Well, Olive Garden carries the worst of the wines I tasted. That’s right, they feature the Riunite Lambrusco right on the menu - the stuff that I said smelled like “an intriguing combination of raspberry fruit rollups and paint thinner”. It sells for $2.99 a bottle at Albertsons, but the Olive Garden has the huge hairy balls to sell it for $4.50 a glass, or $15 for a bottle! That’s a 400% markup! 400%!!! For crap that makes better furniture polish than wine!

And you know what? The Olive Garden isn’t that different from any other restaurant in Chico. I know that I’ve bitched about this before, but the biggest rip off in town is a bottle of wine purchased at any “fine dining” establishment. No matter how bad the wine is, you’re going to pay 100% to 300% markup in virtually any restaurant in town. It’s complete highway robbery.

Most restaurants in this town assume that you’re a wine idiot (you certainly are if you buy a bottle from them) and offer crap, generic, boring wines at usurious, outrageous prices. Come on! I can buy Sterling Vineyards and Beaulieu in the grocery store! Offer me something I can’t get elsewhere, and offer it to me for a price that makes me want to try it!

Quit being lazy and quit buying your wines at Costco. Learn something about wine dammit, and offer us some interesting, good wines, at good prices! We’re not as stupid or ignorant as you think. Sure, Chico’s a hick town where franks and beans are considered haute cuisine, but not all of us are ignorant of wine. And we’re not going to let you rip us off.

So, what can you do to throw Chico restaurateurs up against the wall? I’m glad you asked.

Get educated. Go to a restaurant and take note of their wine list (or look it up online). Then find out what their wines retail for. The next time you eat there, tell them exactly what their wines cost retail and exactly where else you can buy them in town. Straight out tell them their wines are over-priced and that you know it.
Bring in a bottle of wine that’s on their list and ask to pay only the “corkage” fee. Typically, restaurants charge $10-15 to open a bottle you bring in. But if you bring in a bottle that they sell, odds are that they’ll make much less on the corkage fee than they would selling you the wine. They really, really HATE this. They may get nasty if you try this, but it sends a message.
Bring a bottle of Two Buck Chuck. Sure, paying the corkage on a bottle of Trader Joe’s finest will turn it into a $14 bottle of wine, but that’s still cheaper than what you’d pay for a bottle of the generic swill they’re selling. And nothing sends a clearer message than Two Buck Chuck.
Bring a bottle of something that you like, happily pay the corkage fee, but make a point of telling them that you’d love to buy off the list if it had anything interesting or reasonably priced on it.
Ask them why they don’t carry your favorite wine, French wines, Italian wines, local wines, anything other than the generic garbage they get from some distributor. Tell them you’d appreciate it if they expanded their selection. Be specific about what you’d like them to carry, so they know that you know what you’re talking about.

This Valentine’s Day, my partner and I are going to Spice Creek. But we’re bringing our own bottle. I haven’t even looked at their wine list, and honestly, I’m pretty sure I don’t have to. So be forewarned, Spice Creek, when you see that bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape come in the door, and remember that I personally know the president of Chico State!

The $10 Threshold

2007-01-28T20:32:00.000-08:00

This is my last week torturing myself with cheap wines. For the most part, it’s been money – and wine – down the drain. But I’ve learned that there’s a major difference between the really, really, really cheap stuff (less than $4 a bottle) and the really, really cheap stuff ($4-6 a bottle). But it gets a bit less clear when moving from the really, really cheap stuff to the just-one-“really” cheap stuff ($6-10 a bottle). Some $9 wines weren’t significantly better than the $4 stuff.

Of course, to a wine snob like me, there’s a certain “duh” factor involved in a statement like that. For us wine snobs, $30 is the threshold where we start to think that we might occasionally find a decent bottle of wine. That’s why there are two types of wine snobs: rich ones and broke ones. If you drink two or three bottles a day like I do, it really starts to add up!

For normal people and people with other kinds of drug habits, 30 bucks a bottle is a bit steep. For them, you hit a big psychological threshold when the price of a bottle goes from $9.99 to $10.00. “Whoa! There’s an extra digit there! I don’t know if I’m willing to pay $10 - $10!!! – for a bottle of wine! It better be damn good!”

People expect that extra penny to make a big difference – and wine makers know it. With that in mind, I myself was expecting to finally drink some decent wines this time around by picking bottles in the $10-15 range. In order to maximize my consumer-spending dollar, I decided to take a trip to Costco; the over-sized home of over-sized boxes of over-sized food sold to over-sized Americans.

Given my limited funds (yeah, I’m one of the broke wine snobs), I decided to only get three bottles, and I decided to pick wines that I thought had a pretty good chance of being worth it.

Andrew Murray 2005 Tous les Jours Central Coast syrah ($12.69)
Andrew Murray is the label that Sideways made famous. On the nose, a decent mix of dark blackberry fruit and a bit of earthiness, but overall the nose was a bit weak. On the tongue it had a faint but pleasant perfuminess to it. However, the fruit was not very strong and the wine was a bit hot on the finish, with a fairly strong taste of alcohol. A decent, drinkable wine, but a bit on the simple side and a bit disappointing. 3 stars.

Rodney Strong 2003 Sonoma County Cabernet Sauvignon ($10.99)
This wine was recommended to me by a friend whom I consider to be a connoisseur of cheap wine. Pretty darn decent nose right out of the bottle. Really heavy dark blackberry fruit, with a lot of spiciness. Very impressive for the price. The first taste packed a real whammy of tartness, but that faded quickly, giving way to solid spicy fruit and decent tannins. A solid effort. Revisiting the wine after it had been open for about an hour was a mistake. Suddenly, tons of oak leapt out of the glass, followed by an off, almost metallic finish. This is one wine to avoid decanting. 3 stars.

Chateau Souverain 2003 Alexander Valley Cabernet Sauvignon ($14.99)

This one was right at the top of my price range (and probably $18.99 anywhere but Costco), and by God, it was the only one to really come through. Solid dark fruits on the nose like you expect with a Cabernet. On the palette, really just yummy compared to the swill I've been drinking. This was the first wine I'd tasted in weeks that actually had some complexity and structure. Hallelujah, brother! And it just got better the longer it was open, developing more complexity and deep flavors. 3.75 stars.

Now that my crusade is complete, I have no idea what to write about next week. But fortunately, I have a whole week – and 15-20 bottles of wine – before I have to do anything about it.

Moving up or Just Costing More?

2007-01-21T21:13:00.000-08:00

If you've been following this column you know that I'm on a crusade to discover the price point where I will actually get to taste a decent wine. To my amazement, I actually came close last week with that drinkable little Woodbridge merlot. If that keeps up and I hit pay dirt this week, I may chuck all of my Bordeaux in the trash and switch to stuff that's a tenth the cost!

I'm really getting into this cheap wine thing. Don't ask me why – the wine snob in me is cowering in a corner sucking his thumb and crying quietly – but the idea of trying a bunch of cheap wines and maybe finding a diamond in the bargain bin has me all hot under the collar. Plus, I get a "reason" to pop four bottles of wine in one night. The downside is that I usually don’t remember much of the tasting the next day and have to make up a bunch of BS to keep my editor happy. Whatever.

Anyway… on with the tasting!

This week I bought four wines that you should be able to find at any grocery store. I picked mine up at Cost Plus.

Blackstone 2005 Monterey County Chardonnay

This wine didn’t actually have a whole lot of aroma – a bit of butter, but not much else. On the palette, it was actually almost flavorless, but, boy, it sure did go down smooth. They finally made something flavorless that has 13% alcohol! Served cold, you could get pretty happy on this stuff, but if you’re actually interested in wine, give it a miss. Honestly, the Gallo chardonnay I had last week was just as good. Pathetic. $8.99. 2 stars.

Yellowtail 2005 Shiraz
As soon as I saw this bottle, I knew I had to buy it. Not only was it easy on the wallet at $5.99, it’s the one wine every single person on the planet has had. On the nose it wasn’t very impressive; a bit oaky and slightly sour, but not horrible. On the palette this was easily the most interesting wine of the bunch. Very floral and perfumy, in a very pleasant way. Smooth. You typically expect an Australian shiraz to have a lot of fruit and pepper, but this one didn’t. Bottom line: this was the only wine I didn’t pour down the sink afterward. 3 stars.

Ravenswood 2003 Vintners Blend California Zinfandel
Ooh… “Vintners Blend”. That must be the good stuff! Actually, “Vintners Blend” is the cheapest stuff Ravenswood makes. “Vintners Blend” is pure marketing for people who know nothing about wine. Yeah, I’m talking to you. Ravenswood is famous for its Zins, but this ain’t one it’s famous for. Too much charred oak on the nose, and bit cooked tasting. Bleech. $6.99. 1.5 stars.

Columbia Crest 2003 Columbia Valley Cabernet Sauvignon
I’d never had a Columbia Crest wine before. As a California wine snob, I figured that this was just cheap wine, and why drink something from Washington when I could drink something from California that was probably just as bad. Amazingly, this wine had no aroma whatsoever. I mean, even the really cheap stuff smells like something, even if that something is lighter fluid and carpet cleaner. When I buy a bottle of wine, I want it have some sort of smell. Anything will do. But try as I might, I couldn’t suck any smell out of this. The taste was no great shakes either; a bit of oak and some faint fruit. A pass. $8.99. 1.5 stars.

What’s the story here? With the exception of the Yellow Tail, these wines were actually worse than the cheap crap I drank last week. And most of these wines cost about twice what the Woodbridge and Sutter Home cost. Damn! I need to do a better job making up the garbage I put in this column.

Next week: I ask for a raise because I’ll be moving up to the $10-15 a bottle stuff. Ooh-la-la.

Moving Up in the World

2007-01-15T20:27:00.000-08:00

Why am I doing this? I keep asking myself that. I actually went out to the grocery store and bought a shopping cart full of cheap wine. I mean, the Franzia and Boone's Farm were bad enough, but I bought a whole basket full of Woodbridge, Sutter Home and Gallo wines as well. That's just plain humiliating for a wine snob like me. It's like Brad Pitt getting caught buying low-grade crystal meth in some alley in downtown Oroville. A guy like that, you'd think he could afford the good stuff - and have a taste for it. Thank God no one recognized me!

Even worse, now I actually have to taste them. The sacrifices I make for this column simply boggle the mind.

Fortunately, I prepped myself for the task by spending a weekend tasting wine in Lodi. Poor Lodi , the butt of Credence Clearwater Revival songs and any number of jokes about hick valley towns. But, based on my wine tasting experiences last weekend, it deserves every joke and every slight tossed at it. Never have so many bad wines been served to so many people in such a small town. But it was a good experience because it lowered my expectations to such a level that I might actually feel blessed to drink Gallo.

Gallo Twin Valley Chardonnay (non-vintage)
After the huge oak bombs that I had in Lodi, this was actually a semi-refreshing change. Cheap chardonnays are known for two flavors: butter and oak. Interestingly, this wine actually bucked that trend. Though it definitely had some oak, it didn't crack me over the head with a two by four. Don’t get me wrong, this wine weren’t nothing special, but it weren’t hideous neither. Actually, for the price – and to my astonishment – this wine was actually drinkable. 2.5 stars.

Woodbridge 2004 California Merlot
I’m not a merlot fan, and not because of the movie Sideways. I couldn’t care less what some actor spewing some piece of dialog says. But the fact is that merlot makes some of the wimpiest, “blah” wines in California, pathetically generic stuff that could be anything and tastes like nothing. Sure, merlot makes some of the best wines in the world, but in California, it’s hard to know what you’re getting until you taste it.

Well, this little wine actually puts out – relatively speaking. Sure, it’s got a fair amount of oak to it, but nothing obnoxious or over the top. But peeking through that (and its low class pedigree) is a wine that almost – almost – has some real character. Again, a stunner. 2.5 stars.

Sutter Home 2002 California Cabernet Sauvignon
I’m not sure what the deal was with this wine. They tend to push the vintages on these cheapo wines pretty fast. Two years is about as much lag time as these producers can handle (partly for marketing reasons, but partly because their wines begin to self-destruct after a couple of years in the bottle. Chateau Latour this stuff ain’t.). This wine was a 2002 and must have been collecting dust on the store shelf for at least two years. And it seemed to be showing signs advanced age. It wasn’t actually bad; it just lacked any sort of character or body. A weak, but not seriously flawed wine. 2 stars.

Sadly, these three wines were among the best I tasted this weekend, and that makes me a bit leery of recommending any of them. The best bad wine is still a bad wine after all. I’d only feel safe recommending these if you’ve been drinking Franzia or Almaden - you poor, poor soul. Amaziungly, these wines actually represent a huge, gigantic step up from box wines, and are worth every penny of it. I honestly never thought I’d hear myself say anything remotely like that. Writing this column brings me to a new low every week.

Next week I’m going to move up the scale to $9-10 per bottle wines – the stuff you might find in Cost Plus or Costco, and probably what you consider the “good stuff”. Some day, I’ll actually drink a real wine for this column. And you’ll all send me hate mail. Sigh.

You can see me taste this week’s wines at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh_6tLe22aQ

The Good Stuff

2007-01-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

My editor is a very nice and thoughtful guy. So nice and thoughtful that he got me a bottle of wine for Christmas. A bottle of Thunderbird. No kidding, he really did. He even left the price tag on. $3.69. Nothing like a big spender.

A first, I thought, “ha ha, great joke!” But then I started wonder. Was he just being a wisenheimer or was he trying to send me a message? I mean, let’s face it, I’m writing this column for the Chico Beat – the operative word being “Chico.” Don’t get me wrong, Chico’s a nice place, but it’s hardly the most sophisticated city on the planet.

Maybe, I thought, my editor is trying to tell me to write my column at the level of our audience. Maybe I’ve been aiming too high with my fancy wine reviews and talk about how to spit properly. Maybe the people who read this column are spitting, but they’re spitting Copenhagen not cabernet. Instead of reviewing $20 bottles of wine, maybe I should be reviewing $12 boxes of wine.

So I bucked up my courage, headed to the nearest Stop ‘n’ Rob liquor store, and added some “popularly priced” wines to my collection of fine Bordeaux. Honestly, I felt like a complete hick when I brought my cart to the checkout counter, imagining the clerk (and everyone else in the store) sneering at me in derision. I slunk home to my single wide in shame and popped open these bad boys to soothe my hurt.

Thunderbird (Non-vintage) $3.69
At $3.69 for a standard 750ml bottle, the T-Bird is priciest stuff (per gallon) I tasted, and has the most alcohol at 17.5%. The aroma alone is enough to burn the hair off your chest, with overpowering waves of rubbing alcohol and citrus cleanser emanating from the bottle. This stuff smells like something you need a hazardous materials permit to buy. And that’s about how it tastes too. It hits you like cough syrup, dense, strong, sweet, and medicinal. In fact, this stuff probably makes pretty darn good cough syrup – at least after a few slugs you wouldn’t be feeling any pain. While the other wines left me confused as to what their purpose was, there was no doubt with Thunderbird: the purpose of this wine is to mess you up. 2 ½ barfs.

Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill (Non-vintage) $2.50
Boone’s farm is the wine you probably drank when you were in high school. I’d never had it before, and the first thing I discovered was that it’s fizzy! It tastes like strawberry soda, and I can see why this stuff is popular with high school kids. But it’s just so overpoweringly sweet that it’s actually difficult to drink and leaves behind a sickly sweet aftertaste. 1 ½ barfs.

Franzia Sunset Blush (Non-vintage) $10.99 – 5 liters
This wine is the bargain of the bunch: nearly seven bottles of wine for $11. This stuff is light pink like the Boone’s Farm. Not much aroma on the nose, but it hits you over the head with almost toxic citrus flavors when you first taste it, almost like biting into a grapefruit rind. After that, the flavor turns hideously sour and leaves behind a God-awful aftertaste. 3 barfs.

Riunite Lambrusco (Non-vintage) $2.99
Of the four wines I tasted, this was the only one that actually looked like a real wine. On the nose, this wine has an intriguing combination of raspberry fruit rollups and paint thinner, but the flavor is just vile. It was so sour that I thought the wine was spoiled, but it was also sweet – not in a good way like sweet and sour pork – but in a bad, bad, disgusting way. I can’t imagine that people actually drink this stuff. This was far and away the worst of the bunch – hard to believe, but true. 4 barfs.

Conclusions
You people actually drink this stuff?!?! My God, for a dollar more a bottle you can move up to stuff at least has some vague resemblance to real wine! Heck, for $1.99, you can drink Two Buck Chuck! Anything has got to be better than these over-sweetened, sour, citrusy booze bombs.

Look, I’m going to do you a real favor. Next week, I’m going to taste the next level up – the $4 a bottle stuff – and I bet we actually go from “barfs” to “stars” in the process.

If you want to laugh while watching me trying to down this stuff, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iGr51zHdHw.

Life is Demi-Sec

2006-12-06T20:53:00.000-08:00

Christmas and especially News Years just scream champagne. Champagne with dinner, drunken champagne toasts to the New Year, and mind-bending champagne hangovers on New Years Day.

As a budding wine snob this is a crucial time of year for you. What better way to celebrate Christmas than to cut your snotty brother-in-law down to size by sneering at the bottle of André that he brought to dinner and giving a lecture on the differences between CO2 injection, charmat and méthode champenoise processes?

But before we get carried away, let’s start with the basics. The first thing you need to know about champagne is that "champagne" only comes from the Champagne region of France, near Paris (pair-EE). Everything else is a "sparkling wine". So when brother-in-law Bob refers to his bottle of André as "champagne", you can slice him into even smaller pieces.

But there are excellent sparkling wines from all over the world, not just France.

Italy produces some fine sparkling wines, referred to as spumante (spoo-MON-tee), including the infamously cheap asti spumantes. However, some of the best Italian sparkling wines are dry wines made from the prosecco grape. In Spain, sparkling wines are referred to as cavas. Most cavas come from Catalonia and use native Spanish grape varieties. And, of course, California makes its fair share of sparkling wines.

Now I grew up in Bob’s house. My parents bought basic André for “normal” special occasions and Cold Duck for the really special occasions. Until recently (like last week, when my editor suggested doing a column on “champagne”), I knew very little about sparkling wines other than they gave you kick ass hangovers. In fact, the high point of my sparkling wine career was when I was the “bartender” at my sister’s wedding and served bottles of Cold Duck out of a trashcan filled with ice. I was so sick from drinking that stuff that I literally wanted to die.

But if you want to do better than Cold Duck – and show up your brother-in-law – you need to know a little more about sparkling wine.

For one thing, sparkling wines come in varying levels of sweetness. The driest style of sparkling wine is referred to as “brut”. No way! Oh man, I always wondered what that meant! I always thought it had something to do with the strength of the wine, you know, “That sure is a brut of a champagne.” In fact, a brut is just a sparkling wine with little or no residual sweetness.

Next on the dryness scale is “extra-dry”, which really means “slightly sweet.” After that comes “sec” (literally “dry”, but actually somewhat sweet), “demi-sec” (“half-dry”, but actually pretty sweet), and “doux” (“really sweet”). Who came up with this stuff? Some drunk French guy. ‘Nuff said.

Sparkling wines may also say “blanc de noirs” or “blanc de blancs” on the label. This has to do with the grapes used to make the wine. French-style sparkling wines are typically made with some combination of pinot noir, pinot meunier (pee-No moon-YAY), and chardonnay grapes. Blanc de noirs (“white of blacks” – don’t go there) are wines made from the red pinot noir grape. However, the skins are removed soon after pressing, leaving a lightly salmon-colored wine behind. Blanc de Blancs (“white of whites”) are made from white chardonnay grapes and make very delicate light wines.

And what about that CO2 injection, charmat and méthode champenoise stuff that you used to chainsaw old Bobble-head Bob into little chunks? They have to do with how the bubbles get into the sparkling wine. The méthode champenoise (may-TOD sham-pen-NWAHZ) adds a second fermentation to the winemaking process that adds the bubbly to sparkling wines. This takes a lot time and attention, and produces finely carbonated wines. The charmat method is cheaper and faster and ferments the wines in pressurized tanks where the resulting CO2 is forced back into the wine. As cheap as this is, it’s still better than CO2 injection method, which is exactly what they do to Coca Cola to give it carbonation. Only really cheap stuff – like André – uses this method.

Next week I’ll review and recommend four sparkling wines for the holidays, each under $20 a bottle.

Sparkle, Sparkle Little Wine

2006-12-05T20:53:00.000-08:00

Wines of the Week

Mumm Napa Blanc de Noirs (BLAN de NWAHR)

Blanc de Noir (literally "white of blacks") is a dry sparkling wine made primarily from red pinot noir grapes. However, the skins are removed early in the wine-making process, leaving a elegant light salmon color wine behind. This is a fine sparkling wine for the holidays or New Years. It's flavorful and full-bodied enough to stand up to the stronger flavors of a Christmas dinner, while delicate enough to not overwhelm the more subtle flavors. Hints of cherry and strawberry. Nicely balanced acidity. Available at CostPlus World Market for $13.99 and at Creekside Cellars. 4 stars.

Loredan Gasparini Proseco Brut (pro-SEK-koh)

Prosecco is a white Italian grape that is used to make slightly sweet or dry sparkling wines. This prosecco is completely dry. It has a very delicate color; in fact, it's nearly clear. Clear citrus aromas of grapefruit, lemon, as well as apricot. This is a very crisp, dry sparkling wine. It has a very strong flavor and feel of grapefruit, with the sharp, but pleasant acidity. Not overly complex but extremely refreshing. This would be excellent with a soft cheese like brie or camembert, or by itself on New Years Eve. Personally, I would buy a few bottles and put them in the back of the fridge and wait for July. This wine would be the perfect cold wine drink on a hot July day in Chico. $16.00 (a bargain) at Vino 100. 4 stars.

Chandon Blanc de Noirs

The Chandon Blanc de Noirs is a wonderful light sparkling wine. Unlike the Mumm Blanc de Noir, this wine lacks even a hint of pinkness, and is a very light and pure straw color. On the nose it's somewhat sweet and appley, with just a hint of lemon. On the tongue it has a bright acidity which makes it very refreshing. Citrusy, slightly grapefruity flavors come through. Actually, it reminds me of a nice Riesling more than anything else. This is a very refreshing and light wine, that I think everyone will like. Rated 87 points by Wine Spectator magazine. $12.59 at Costco. 3.5 stars.

Scharffenberger Brut

This is a commonly available wine. The Scharffenberger brut is a decent sparkling wine. Creamier, but not as aromatic on the nose as the Chandon. On the palate, the Scharffenberger has a pronounced caramel note, but overall tastes more like a light pilsner than a sparkling wine. It's not a very fruity wine, but it is dry. Less crisp than the Chandon. A decent, but not outstanding effort. Very drinkable. 3 stars. Available at Costco.

Lucien Albrecht Blanc de Blancs Brut (BLAN de BLAN)

Not technically a champagne, since it comes from the Alsace region of France instead of the Champagne region. A blanc de blanc, this wine is made from pinot blanc grapes. However, its very chardonnay-like on the nose with prominent butter aromas. The taste is also very chardonnay-like, with butter, cream and just a touch of green apple. Very dry, and a bit on the tart side, this wine will appeal to people who like chardonnay, but may be unpleasant to others. Available at Creekside Cellars for $18.99. 2.5 stars.

Korbel California Champagne Brut

Now we're getting into the stuff you can buy anywhere. Korbel is known far and wide as a producer of inexpensive California sparkling wines (translation: cheap champagne). Of course, this isn't a real champagne, and they shouldn't be using the name, but they are so deal with it. Very candied and sweet on the nose like some appley hard candy. It really has a very clear aroma of apple juice, which is actually not that appealing unless you're having a Martinelli's. Not much flavor on the palate. A hint of that apple juice, but it's actually mostly just fizz. If it wasn't so cheap, I'd say give it a miss. Available everywhere, but Costco has it for $7.99. 2 stars.

Gifts for the Wine Snob

2006-12-03T21:12:00.000-08:00

Before I begin, and in the interest of full disclosure, I should state that I’m not real big on the whole Christmas…uh, no, “holiday” gift thing. For one thing, I don’t really enjoy giving gifts. I mean, you’ve got to try to figure out what someone wants, go through the insanity of the “holiday” shopping mobs, pay through the nose for the thing, and then watch the look of disappoint or disgust on their face when they open the crappy present that you spent so much time, energy and money getting. I generally don’t like getting presents for the same reason. “Oh, look! A 2-liter bottle of Carlo Rossi rosé! My favorite!”

I honestly prefer to skip the whole thing. I know. Bah humbug. But personally, I’ve never been convinced that the spirit of “the holidays” had much to do with commerce.

But apparently I’m not a typical American in that respect. So, succumbing to the demands of the season, let’s take a look at common “holiday” gift giving ideas for the wine snob in the family.

First of all – and let’s be clear about this – there is no end of gift ideas for wine snobs. Your serious wine snob is typically a person with both money and a hoarding fetish – in other words a perfect target for the likes of The Sharper Image. There are entire websites filled to the brim with wine-related gadgets and googahs, most of them perfectly worthless and hideously expensive.

Case in point: corkscrews. Corkscrews are living testimony that useless innovation isn’t limited to mousetraps. There are complex “rabbit” corkscrews that actually look a bit like abstract rabbit heads ($35-50). There are lever-action corkscrew stands that take up half your kitchen counter and look like very painful medieval torture devices ($100). There are even high-tech cork pumps that inject compressed air into the bottle to pop the cork out ($25-35). All of them do exactly the same thing: open wine bottles. I use a simple “waiter” style corkscrew ($5-15), and personally recommend them. Real wine snobs know that the lowly waiter-style corkscrew is the most prestigious.

Another common gift idea is wine glasses. There is great controversy in the wine world over whether the shape of the glass affects the taste of the wine. Riedel (rhymes with “needle”), the world’s premier wine glass manufacturer, makes 44 different glasses in their Sommelier line ($80 per glass), one to fit every variety from Alsace to zinfandel. This is overkill (ya think?). Studies have shown again and again that the shape of he glass has little effect on the taste of a wine. I personally use two basic sets of cheap glasses, a red wine set and a white wine set. Of course, they’re somewhat mixed sets because I keep breaking them.

Without a doubt the worst wine gadgets on the market are the plethora of “instant aging” doodads that are supposed to instantly turn your 2004 Two Buck Chuck into 1982 Chateau Latour. I actually bought one of these things in order to debunk it, but I haven’t tried it yet. The one I got comes in a nice wooden box. It’s essentially a ring that clips onto the bottle’s neck. As you pour, the “powerful magnets instantly break up the tannins. The result: a smoother more balanced wine that simulates the taste of aged wine.” Riiight.

So now that we’ve eliminated a bunch of useless gift ideas, what should you buy your favorite wine snob? You know, something that’s actually useful.

Wine chillers are nice (hint, hint). They’re thick wine buckets (usually stone or ceramic) that you store in the fridge or freezer. When you serve a chilled wine like Champagne, you set the bottle in the pre-chilled chiller, and it keeps the wine cold. Bonus: they actually work!

Decanters are essential for anyone who is serious about red wine. I plan to write an entire column on decanting wine, but for now take my word for it: get a decanter and decant your red wines for at least an hour before you drink them. That will do a thousand times more to make that Two Buck Chuck drinkable than any magnet. It’ll do wonders for that ’82 Latour as well. No kidding. I prefer decanters with a moderately wide base. The really wide ones are almost impossible to pour and tend to be heavy.

But let’s face it; the best gift of all for the wine snob is wine. I recommend the 2006 Carlo Rossi rosé.

Ah…but that’s the problem, isn’t it? What wine to get them? Well, that’s why God invented gift certificates. In Chico, I recommend getting gift certificates at either Vino 100 (next to Sports LTD) or Creekside Cellars (near Morning Thunder). Both have fine selections of wine as well as decanters, glasses and other wine knickknacks. In fact, I’m beginning to feel the spirit of “the holidays” coming over me. So if you want to get me a gift certificate, I’d be happy to accept.

Bargain Hunting, Stamp Collecting, and Other Obessions

2006-11-26T09:18:00.000-08:00

There are many dangers in getting "into" wine (including the dull hangover I have as I sit here writing this column against deadline for a cruel and heartless editor). One of the unique dangers of getting interested in wine - as opposed to food or cheese, or other such gastronomically refined pursuits - is that wine has the peculiar ability to bring out the hoarder in us. Unlike food or cheese, wine keeps and can be stored for long periods. Worse than that, wine actually gets better the longer you store it.

You have no idea what that simple fact has done to my life. I admit it started out innocently enough; a few bottles on a shelf in the kitchen being saved for a special occasion. Then I bought a 44-bottle wooden wine rack from CostPlus. I felt okay with that. I mean, 44 bottles is more than anyone could ever possibly have. I’d never fill it, right? Then I bought another. That was okay because that rack was going to go in the basement to hold the good stuff. Then I bought yet another. I didn’t even try to rationalize that one.

But then came the 100-bottle wine cooler. A hulk of a thing, it sits protectively brooding in the corner of the dining room, like a mother hen warming her eggs. I did have to rationalize that, “It was a great deal! Half the price you’d expect to pay for a wine cooler!” And while that’s true (we even got free delivery!), it was beginning to become clear that I had a problem.

That’s right, my name’s Tony and my house is too small to store all of my wine.

I currently have…well I don’t know exactly how many bottles I currently have, but I estimate there are somewhere around 250 bottles of wine scattered around the house. There’s the wine cooler quietly humming away in the corner along with racks in the living room, back room, kitchen, 20 or so bottles stashed away in a cabinet somewhere, and a few bottles in the fridge. So far, the bedroom and the bathrooms are the only “wine-free” zones in the house.

But that pales in comparison to the collections some people have. I know people who have actually turned their basements into climate-controlled cellars capable of holding a thousand bottles, complete with custom display racks and computer-controlled inventory systems. I know another woman who keeps $35-50,000 worth of wine in her house.

Wine collecting is a hobby (illness, sickness, disease – whatever) related to, but quite distinct from the hobby of actually drinking and enjoying wine. For some reason, wine appeals to all sorts of human foibles aside from boozing; everything from bargain hunting to stamp collecting. People even collect wine as a serious investment, selling the bottles once they reach a certain value.

But for me, the main thing driving my “collection” is that fact that there are so many interesting types of wine that I have never tried before. Every time I go into a wine shop, I feel like a kid in a candy store. There’s always something new that I have to try. But – try as hard as I might have last night – I can’t drink them all as fast as I can buy them.

Honestly, that’s part of the beauty of wine. There are wonderful, unique wines from all over the world, waiting to be enjoyed. And you should make an effort to always try something new.

This week, go out and buy a viognier (vee-own-YAY) instead of a chardonnay. Buy a South American malbec (mall-BECK) instead of a merlot. Get out of the rut of drinking the same wines over and over. There’s a whole world of wine you’ve never tried. And remember, Home Depot is having a sale on wine coolers.

Wine of the Week

2003 Berryessa Gap Malbec

Berryesa Gap is a small family-run winery in Winters. Though you wouldn't think of Winters as a wine capital, I've been impressed with their wines since the first time I tasted them, and if you want to try a malbec, this is a great one to start with.

Surprizingly floral on the nose, with just a hint of tar and lots of dark berry fruit. Amazingly dense on the palate, with lots of blackberry fruit and licorice. Unlike some malbecs, this one is quite smooth on the finish, with mild, well integrated tannins. This is an easy to drink and easy to like wine that almost reminds me of an Australian Shiraz. The 2004 vintage of this wine won a Regional Best in Class medal in the 2006 California State Fair. Available from the winery at www.berryessagap.com. 4 stars.

The Gastronomic Nightmare Before Christmas

2006-11-10T13:26:00.000-08:00

Face it; the traditional American Thanksgiving dinner is a gastronomic nightmare. We’ve all grown up with it, so to us a Thanksgiving feast is comfort food of the most comforting kind. But to a foreigner trying to get an “authentic taste” of American culture and cuisine, the bizarre combination of foods presented with fanfare on a Thanksgiving table may only serve to convince them of the culinary barbarity of America.

Personally, I never paid any attention to this until I started getting interested in wine and how different wines go with different foods – you know, the old saw of “red wine with red meat and white wine with white meat.” Those simplistic rules are considered outdated today, and in their place a whole science has grown up around “pairing” wines with food.

Some pairings are no-brainers, such as cabernet sauvignon with a big juicy steak, but that peculiar American institution of Thanksgiving isn’t so easy. You’ve got this bland, dry hunk of dead bird parked in the middle of the table along with wildly spiced stuffing (does parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme ring a bell?), weird gravy, God-awful gooey orange sweet potatoes speckled with marshmallows, and – the pièce de résistance – cranberry sauce. Who came up with this menagerie of flavors? And how the heck can you find a wine to pair with such a cacophonous collection of culinary comestibles?

The short answer is that you can’t. No single wine is going to go well with everything on the table. So, what to do? Serve three wines with dinner? Only a real wine snob would do that, so we’ll look at the most popular options, and I’ll leave it to you to make the best choice.

Before we get to specific wines, here are a few general pointers. Avoid strongly tannic reds like cabernets. These heavy wines will overpower or fight with everything on the table (cabernet and cranberry sauce is guaranteed to cause a mouth-puckering sensation of such power than you might actually swallow your entire face). Look for wines with good acidity. Acidity adds “crispness” to wines and helps cleanse your palate as you move from one food to another.

Riesling (REES-ling) is probably my personal top contender. Either a dry or off-dry Riesling will go well with pretty much everything. It won’t fight the sweet potatoes, and its slightly tart sweetness should compliment the cranberry sauce. It’s light enough to not fight with the stuffing or overwhelm the turkey.

Pinot Noir (PEE-noh NWAHR) is a rising star among Thanksgiving wines. Not as heavy or tannic as a cab or syrah, a pinot with enough smoothness and fruit can get along with most anything on the table (except maybe the sweet potatoes). Not to heavy for the turkey or too tannic for the cranberry sauce.

Champagne – A good, dry champagne with sufficient acid can be a good match for a Thanksgiving dinner, and it will add a touch of celebration to the meal. Avoid the cheap stuff like Cooks, and go for a truly dry sparkler. Should go well with the bird and stuffing, but might be a bit odd with the sweeter side dishes.

Chardonnay is the “no-brainer” wine for Thanksgiving, but it actually is a poor match with all but the bird. All those different flavors are going to overwhelm all but the crispest chards. It’s a pass in my book.

Zinfandel (ZIN-fin-dell) has suddenly become the big new wine to have with Thanksgiving dinner, but I can’t figure out why. Zinfandels are typically big fruit bombs, with lots of alcohol. To me, the huge fruit in a zin would overwhelm or fight with pretty much everything on the table. Of course, I haven’t actually tried it, so maybe it’s a fantastic match – but I have my doubts.

Other wines to consider include Pinot Gris (PEE-noh GREE) and Gewürztraminer (guh-VURTS-trah-mee-ner).

Wine of the Week

Mumm Napa Blanc de Noirs (BLAN de NWAHR)

Blanc de Noir (literally "white of blacks") is a dry sparkling wine (that is, "Champagne" - but you're not supposed to refer to sparkling wines as Champagne unless they come from Champagne, France) made primarily from red pinot noir grapes. However, the skins are removed early in the wine-making process, leaving a elegant light salmon color wine behind. This is a fine sparkling wine for Thanksgiving dinner. It's flavorful and full-bodied enough to stand up to the stronger flavors, while delicate enough to not overwhelm the more subtle flavors. Hints of cherry and strawberry. Nicely balanced acidity. Available at Creekside Cellars for $23.99. 4 stars.

How to Taste Wine Part III: Tasting the Wine

2006-10-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

If you're one of the six people who regularly read this column (including my editor - though I'm not sure that he reads it either), then you know that for the past several weeks I've been dragging you through the excruciating ritual of tasting wine.

Today, we’re going finally to put an end to your suffering and get around to tasting the wine.

Interestingly enough, something like 80% of our sense of taste is actually smell. You’ve probably experienced this when you’ve had a really bad cold and everything you ate tasted like oatmeal. With our sense of smell cut off, our taste buds only provide us with five basic taste sensations: salty, sour, sweet, bitter, and umami. Umami?? What’s that? Aren’t they those salty soybeans you get at a Japanese restaurant? No, that’s edamame, you chimp. Umami is a Japanese word that roughly translates as “savory”, and is an honest to God basic taste triggered by – of all things – glutamates like MSG.

The rest of the enjoyment we get from the flavor of food and wine comes from our sense of smell, and the “taste” of a wine is the interaction of the basic tastes that our taste buds pick up and the aromas traveling through our nasal passages.

There are a couple of approved techniques to tasting wine. Both of them are weird and potentially disgusting to some degree.

The first, and most technically correct, method of tasting the wine is to take a large sip of wine, slosh it around a bit and then – while the wine is still in your mouth – act like you’re taking a big hit off a huge spliff of ganja. I’m not kidding. The idea here is to draw air into your mouth across the wine in order to evaporate volatile compounds that will be drawn into your nasal passages and enhance the flavor of the wine.

This is a fun technique, both because it makes a really loud slurping sound and because there’s a high probability that you’ll end up spraying wine over everyone within six feet of you – or at least dribbling it all over your clothes. I’d suggest practicing this technique frequently before going out in public. But, cross my heart and hope to die, this is the technique that the pros use. If you want to look like a real wine snob, this is the way to go.

The other technique is what I call the Listerine approach. As it’s name implies, you take a large sip of wine and “chew” on it; slosh it around vigorously in your mouth as you would a fine French mouth wash. The point is to get the wine into contact with all the taste bud nooks and crannies in your mouth. The only difference is that you don’t gargle. Gargling is just crude.

So what are you looking for when you taste a wine? Pretty much the same things you did when smelling the wine: a balance of flavors. In addition, there are a couple of other sensations to look out for.

In white wines in particular, be on the lookout for a sense of tartness in the wine. This tartness – which can be pleasant or too strong – is caused by the level of acidity in the wine. Many good wines use acidity to give the wine a “crispness” that can be quite refreshing.

In red wines look for an astringent sensation after you swallow (or spit) the wine. This dry feeling in your mouth is caused by tannins – components of the seeds and skins. Tannins are what make red wines age well. However, young or poorly made wines can have strong, bitter tannins that make the wine unenjoyable.

So, now you’ve done it! You’ve officially tasted a wine using approved wine snob techniques! I sure hope you didn’t swallow that wine, though. Real snobs spit.

Wine of the Week

Creekside Cellars has really been hitting some home runs lately with their wine selections. We recently tasted the Amador Foothill Winery 2004 Katie's Cote at their weekly tasting. Located just a couple of hours from here, Amador County is turning into a serious wine producing region, and this wine shows it. A French Rhone-style blend of syrah and grenache grapes, this wine has earthly aromas, dense dark fruit flavors, with a touch of a milk and dark mocha on the finish. Great with lamb or pork. This wine will only improve over the next few years, if you want to hold on to it. A great bargain for $15.99 at Creekside Cellars. Four stars.

How to Taste Wine Part II: Smelling the Wine

2006-10-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

Last week I discussed Step 1 of Proper Wine Tasting Technique: Looking at the Wine. If you’re reading this then you survived without becoming a juicy meal for the wine snobs waiting for the slightest faux pas in your technique to eat you alive. By now, I imagine they’re getting pretty hungry, so let’s waste no time getting on with Step II: Smelling the Wine (next week, we’ll actually taste the wine – I promise).

The first step in smelling wine is to swirl the wine in the glass. This allows air to mix with the wine and lets volatile components and alcohol evaporate and release aromas.

Swirling actually takes some skill to do without sloshing wine all over yourself and everyone within ten feet of you. There is, in fact, no easier way to end up on the wine snobs’ dinner menu than to have poor swirling technique.

The trick is to swirl with your shoulder, not your elbow or wrist. Hold the glass by the stem, flat on the table. Don’t hold the glass in the air. Move your shoulders so that the glass moves in circles on the table. Try not to use your elbow and wrist much. Practice this in the privacy of your home with a wine glass filled about halfway with water until you can swirl the wine smoothly and rapidly without sloshing. Practice, practice, practice. That’s the key to survival here. (I honestly can’t believe I spent an entire paragraph on swirling technique. I gotta get a real job.)

Once you’ve given the wine a good swirl, say 5 to 10 seconds worth, it’s time to smell the wine. Don’t do this dainty thing my partner does and put the glass about five inches from your nose and take a tentative sniff. No. Jam that glass up to your nose like it was full of 100% pure Columbian coke and snort like you were suffering serious withdrawal. Breathe deep and really suck those aromas in. I find that inhaling for two to four seconds gives the best take on the wine’s aromas. Closing your eyes while inhaling will make you look like you’re really concentrating on those aromas.

Now we reach the single most critical juncture in surviving wine tasting, and the one that petrifies all wine newbies: describing what the wine smells like. And what does it smell like? What rich and sensuous aromas do you detect? Come on… you can tell me. I won’t hurt you. Cross my heart. Tell me, it smells like wine, doesn’t it?

Ah ha! You worthless little wine cretin! It’s dinnertime!!

Of course wine smells like wine (duh), but most wines also carry overtones of other aromas. Identifying those aromas is the single greatest pleasure in the pathetic life of a wine snob, and that’s why they take it so seriously.

I wish I could tell you that’s it’s easy to detect and describe aromas in wine, but it really takes practice. The best way to start is to compare two wines side-by-side looking for basic types of aromas. The most common types include fruit, floral, spice, vegetal, wood, and earth aromas.

To make it easy on yourself, start with white wines, like a Riesling and a chardonnay. These are two very different kinds of wine and should smell very different. Use the aroma groups above and try to see if you can detect any fruit smells. Riesling often has a strong aroma of green apple and apricot. Chardonnay often has oak and citrus. Any flower-like smells? How about spices?

Don’t worry if you can’t put your finger on what you smell. Just keep smelling. It can take years to develop a finely tuned nose. And don’t worry that you come up with odd things like “pineapple with a dash of motor oil and tartar sauce”. Many of the hip young experts coming on the wine scene today are using exactly these types of weird terms to describe aromas.

Of course, in a wine tasting, surrounded by drooling wine snobs, you don’t have time to practice. You’ve got to get it right the first time. Fortunately, smell is a very personal experience, so as long as you don’t stray too far a field from typical aromas, you should be okay. Here are a few examples of common aromas to guide you.

Light white wines: pineapple, apple, peach, straw, mango
Chardonnay: butter, oak, citrus, vanilla, flint/mineral
Riesling: Green apple, pear, apricot, rose petal, mineral
Burgundy/Pinot Noir: Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, cinnamon, barnyard (swear to God)
Cabernet Sauvignon: Black current, blackberry, mocha, bell pepper, eucalyptus
Syrah: Blackberry, plum, black cherry, black pepper

Drop these terms liberally as you smell the wine using the following time-honored technique:

Swirl. Inhale. Look thoughtful for 4-8 seconds. “I’m getting a bit of blackberry, and…” Swirl again. Inhale again, deeply. Gaze at the ceiling for 6-11 seconds. “…Just a touch of earthiness. Very obvious black pepper.” Quick swirl. Inhale. “And a hint of plum…no make that black cherry.”

Do this right, and you might actually live to taste the wine. In the end, it doesn’t matter so much what exact aromas you can identify. The point of smelling is to get some idea of the character of the wine so that you can enjoy it more. And enjoyment is what it’s all about.

How to Taste Wine and Live to Tell the Tale

2006-10-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

So you want to be a wine snob (why else would you be reading this column?). There are a lot of things that go into being a wine snob. An insufferably superior attitude is essential. An arcane knowledge of obscure wines that nobody’s ever heard of is indispensable. But most importantly, you have to know how to taste wine. Can’t be that hard, right? Wrong.

The biggest mistake that wannabe wine snobs make is to go to a tasting or winery without proper knowledge of how to taste. Nothing exposes you as a knuckle-dragging wine Neanderthal quicker than improper tasting technique. Remember, everybody is watching everyone else taste. If they notice the slightest weakness in your tasting technique, they will eat you alive – preferably with a nice Oregon pinot noir.

There is an entire ritual to tasting wine, not all that different from a Japanese tea ceremony, and you have to follow it to the letter if you want to live.

The first step in tasting is to examine the color of the wine. This visual inspection will tell you if you are drinking a white wine or a red wine. The proper technique is to tip the glass at an angle and stare intently (preferably with one eye closed) at where the wine meets the glass. To look really knowledgeable, do this while holding a white sheet of paper behind the glass. This will give you an idea of the density and color of the wine. Denser wines tend to be more full-bodied.

For red wines, pinot noir (PEE-no NWAHR) tends to be one of the lightest. You should be able to easily see through the wine. Really dense varieties include syrah (sir-RAH) and especially petite sirah (which can be absolutely inky). Is the color more purple or more red? Older wines tend to take on a brick red color, while young wines tend to be purplish or dark ruby.

For white wines, chardonnays should have a nice golden color, not too different from your last drug test. Lighter wines like sauvignon blanc (so-veen-YON BLAHN) and pinot grigio (PEE-no GREE-geo) should be more straw colored, not too different from the last drug test that you tried to doctor with tap water.

If the wine is pink, you’re wasting your time on tasting technique. Just down that swill and get on with getting juiced.

Spend a good minute giving the wine “the eye” while making critical faces. Tilt the glass at different angles. Switch eyes. Make “hmmmm” sounds. The more eccentric you look, the more knowledgeable you’ll appear. If you’re surrounded by besotted ignoramuses and want to look like an expert, hold the glass up to the light and gaze thoughtfully through the wine. Be warned, though, that if you do this in the presence of real wine snobs, they may break out the pinot noir because they know that indoor lighting will affect your perception of the wine’s true color.

Now you’ve successfully examined the wine’s color without sacrificing your life. Good work! Time to toss it back, right? You wish. There’s plenty more ritual to go before you can get started on that buzz. Unfortunately, we’re out of space for this week.

Next week: Smelling the wine (Yeah, we won’t actually get to tasting the wine for three or four more weeks. Hey, you want to live or not?).

Wine of the Week
Louis Guntrum Penguin Eiswein
Eiswein (ICE-vine) is a very concentrated sweet white dessert wine made from grapes picked and pressed when the temperature is below freezing. The resulting juice is highly concentrated. Eiswein's are orignially from Germany, but Canada also makes notable eisweins. Well-made eiswein's are like pure nector: dense, sweet, and pure. Not everyone likes eiswein, but everyone should try it at least once. You might find it an experience close to heaven. The Louis Guntrum Penguin Eiswein is one that's pretty darn close to heaven. Amazingly smooth, sweet, nector-like - just like an eiswein should be. The only place I know that you can get this locally is by the glass at Monks Wine Bar, downtown. $12 a glass might seem expensive, but this stuff goes for $60 for a half bottle - and in my opinion, it's worth it. For a real slice of heaven, have it with the cheesecake. Four and a half stars.

The War Against Profiteering

2006-10-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

OK, I know this is supposed to be the “humorous drunken wine guy column,” and I really, really want to be funny (yeah, I know, it’s some sort of weird unresolved childhood attention-getting thing), but the restaurants in Chico are preventing me from being funny. I just seem to keep having bad wine experiences in Chico restaurants. So it’s their fault I’m not funny, not mine.

You see, last week I visited one of Chico's finer dining establishments (which will remain nameless mostly because the Beat might want them to advertise). I was hungry for a juicy steak and a fine bottle of wine to wash it down with. Unfortunately, this fine restaurant's wine list was something less than fine. Half of the wines on the list were ones I saw in Costco the day before and the other half were "me too" California cult wines (remember: “cult” = insanely expensive) like Silver Oak, Caymus, Opus One, etc. These aren't necessarily bad wines, but they aren't inspired choices either.

But my eyes absolutely sprang from their sockets when I saw the astronomical prices they wanted for these wines. “Whoa!” I thought, “there’s some serious profiteering happening here!” Here's just a few examples:

Simi Alexander Valley Cab: $37 (Costco: $16.99)
BV Tapestry: $72 (Costco: $34.99)
BV George de Latour: $120 (Costco: $65.99)
Opus One: $225 (most places: about $135)

We're talking a 100% markup here! And for what exactly? Well?

These prices are simply wrong. I can go to Costco myself and spend half what they are charging for a bottle. Do they think nobody shops at Costco and won’t notice?

Any decent restaurant will allow you to bring a bottle of wine with you and will charge you a reasonable “corkage” fee to open the bottle (anything up to about $12 is considered “reasonable” these days). This restaurant’s corkage fee was $12. If I brought a bottle of the BV Tapestry with me I could have saved myself $25, even with the $12 corkage fee. Are they having difficulties with the complex math, is that the problem here?

This has got to change, and I’m going to start by putting all the restaurants in Chico on notice (as if my opinion carries any weight):

Get better wine lists and stop trying to sell us big name cult wines that are expensive and uninteresting
Stop charging outrageous, usurious markups for your mediocre wines
Start charging reasonable corkage fees for the backbreaking and highly skilled task of opening a bottle of wine

There’s only one restaurant in town (that I know of) that is doing it right on all counts: Redwood Forest. Not only do they have the best wine list in town, but they charge retail plus $8 for bottles. That eight bucks is their corkage fee, probably the cheapest corkage fee in town.

My recommendation to you: Buy something good that you like, take it to the restaurant and pay the corkage fee. Not only will you pay less for the bottle, but it will be something that you know you will enjoy.

Look, I may not be funny, but I’m no more interested in paying outrageous prices for wine than you are. Next time I go to that restaurant, I’ll be packing a bottle of Two Buck Chuck. Maybe that will get the message across.

Wine of the Week

1998 Domaine Pontifical Chateauneuf du Pape

Chateau-what? A real mouthful, I know, but if you’re used to fruity $15 bottles of California or Australian wine and want to move on to a different level, this wine will do it. Chateauneuf du Pape (sha-toe-noof doo POP) is a wonderful wine from the Rhone Valley of France. Typically a blend of grenache, syrah, and a bunch of other grapes that aren’t cabernet sauvignon or merlot, Chateauneuf du Pape’s are powerful earthy wines. This is one of the best I’ve ever had, especially for the price (Chateauneuf’s typically go for twice what this bottle costs). Complex, earthy, and smooth, with notes of forest floor, mushroom, and soil. Incredibly well balanced fruit and acidity. Stunning with steak or lamb. A real bargain for $30 ($38 if consumed with a meal) at Redwood Forest.

Rich Idiot Cool Kids

2006-09-30T15:19:00.000-07:00

Rich Idiot Cool Kids

I'm pissed. I'm pissed that I'm out 100 bones and got nothing good in return. I'm pissed that there's really no one to take my pissedness out on. And that makes me even more pissed.

OK. Deep breaths. Relax. Find your happy place. Start from the beginning.

Last week I decided to celebrate signing a six-figure contract with the Chico Beat to write this wine column (it's true that at the time I didn't realize that all six figures were zeros - but my eyes aren't good enough to read that itty bitty fine print). As a wine snob, the only proper way to celebrate was to go to a fine restaurant, buy an incredibly expensive bottle wine, and have it with a great meal.

So that's what I did. I went to one of Chico's finer eating establishments (which will remain nameless to avoid implying guilt by association), took a long thoughtful perusal of the extensive wine list, and ordered a bottle of 1999 Dominus Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon. Should have been a slam-dunk. 1999 was a great year for Napa Valley, and Dominus is one of the top names in cult California cabernets (“cult” meaning “insanely expensive status symbol wine”). I shelled out $108 for the privilege of tasting what was supposed to be one of the premier wines of the Golden State.

And what did I get? Right off the bat the wine was unimpressive. For $100 you expect a top of the line Napa cab to knock you down with rich aromas of complex fruit and earth. Chocolate, cassis (whatever the heck that is), black currant (never had that either), leather (yum), tobacco (even yummier) and spice. Doesn't sound too appealing, but it's supposed to be. In any case, this wine barely even smelled like wine, much less any of those other things.

Even after letting it breathe for over an hour (breathing - exposing the wine to air - is supposed to allow the wine to develop and become more flavorful after 7 years cooped up in a bottle), there was really nothing much to it.

Great red wines, like cabernet sauvignons, are supposed to have a balance of fruit- and earth-like flavors, followed by a smooth dry finish of developed tannins (tannins are a dry, potentially mouth-puckering component of the grape skins). This wine had no fruit to speak of and the tannins, far from being smooth, were bitter and acidic. Blech!

In all truthfulness, I’ve had $20 bottles of wine that blew this overpriced, over-hyped bottle of bilge out of the water. And that’s why I’m pissed. I’m pissed because there is no direct correlation between the price of a bottle and the quality of the wine in the bottle. A $100 bottle of wine is not automatically better than a $20 bottle – and certainly not five times better.

I’d like to blame the restaurant, but it’s totally not their fault. They didn’t suggest the wine; I ordered it of my own free will. And besides, the food was fantastic (mmm…curried lamb!). No, it’s the fault of idiots with tons of money, no taste in wine, and an overwhelming desire to be one of the “cool kids” who buy only the most exclusive grape juice spiked with alcohol. OK, maybe it’s my fault for falling into the thinking that a $100 bottle of wine must be mind-blowing. Instead, it was barely drinkable.

So let my misfortune be a lesson to you. An expensive wine is not necessarily a good wine. And a cheap wine is not necessarily a bad wine. There are a virtually endless number of great wines out there for under $20. Of course, there’s plenty of swill out there for under $20 as well. How do you tell the difference? Unfortunately, there’s no magic shortcut. I can help point you to a few good wines, but you have to try them yourself and see if you like them. I guarantee you’ll kiss your fair share of toads in the process, but hopefully you’ll find some princes as well.

Wine Words

Cabernet sauvignon (cab-air-NAY so-veen-YON). The "king" of the red wine grapes. Capable of making the deepest, most profound, most expensive red wines. Best areas for cabernet include the Bordeaux region in France and the Napa Valley in California.

Chardonnay (shar-doh-NAY). What cabernet is for red wine, chardonnay is for white - easily the most popular grape on the market. White wines from Burgundy (including Chabis) are made from chardonnay grapes, as is most champagne.

Frizzante (free-ZAHN-tay). An Italian word for wines with a slight effervescence, but nothing like what a truely sparkling wine would have. Sometimes disappears a few minutes after opening the bottle.

Tannin. Tannins are a naturally occurring astringent component of grape skins, and can give a very dry, mouth-puckering taste to red wines. Tannins naturally mellow over time, giving wines a sliky smoothness (the main reason red wines improve as they get older). White wines, because the juice is not left in contact with the grape skins, do not have tannins and generally do not age like red wines.

Wine of the Week

2004 Covey Run Riesling

Finally, I'm coming through with a wine of the week for under $10. It took a bit of looking. I had to drink my way through a fair amount of cheap wine before I found something I really liked. The 2004 Covey Run Riesling, from Washington state, made the grade.

Riesling, as I discussed in the last column, is a white German grape that can make wines in a variety of styles, from dry to incredibly sweet. This is a slightly sweet riesling, with a light milky smoothness. It has a mild nose, with a touch of sour apple. Not very acid. That along with the sweetness makes this a very easy to drink wine. This wine also has a touch of frizzante (fizz) that is quite nice. If you haven't experienced frizzante before, this is worth trying just for the cheap thrill. If you like big, complex, dry wines, you probably won't like this, but for the price, this is a surprizingly good effort. Actually quite nice with Indian food. Available at Cost Plus World Market for $6.99.

Wine of the Week #2

2006-09-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

I know I said that I'd try to find a good wine under $10 this week, but I got distracted by this wine instead: the Hahn Estates 2004 Central Coast Meritage, which won a gold medal at this year's California State Fair. A meritage is a California wine made in the classic Bordeaux style of blending cabernet sauvignon, merlot and several other grape varieties to make a smooth and complex red wine. By the way, "meritage" is a marketing word made from "merit" and "heritage", and rhymes with heritage, NOT the French "Hermitage" (which is pronounced air-me-taj). There is no such thing as a "meritage" grape, so don't embarass yourself by saying there is.

I had this wine first a few weekends ago at Creekside Cellars and thought that for the price, it was a particularly good effort. Had it again a week later at Vino 100, and discovered it in the wine section at CostPlus World Market as well. Lots of raspberry and black cherry fruit, edging toward the jammy style, but well balanced. Obvious oak, with a hint of wood smoke. Mild tannins. If you like approachable, "fruit-forward" red wines, you'll definitely like this.

Available at Creekside Cellars, Vino 100 and CostPlus. Three and a half stars.

Bad Acid Trips and Spitting

2006-09-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

Bad Acid Trips and Spitting

I was in Vino 100 (a local wine shop over by Sports LTD) the other night and overheard someone say, "sauvignon blanc, that's a sweet wine, right?" The wine snob in me sneered viciously and thought, "wrong you stupid cretin, sauvignon blanc is a dry light white wine with virtually no flavor at all!" I'm pretty sure that I didn't actually say that out loud, but he did seem to avoid me after that.

Here are some useful tips for avoiding looking like that guy.

1. Avoid white wines. Wine snobs almost always prefer heavy duty, mouth puckering reds. For some reason, white wines aren't taken as seriously as red wines by wine snobs. That’s unfortunate because white wines are often the most approachable wines for the new wine drinker. Maybe that's the reason; white wines are often seen as "newbie" wines. However, there is nothing wrong with white wine. Though I'm not much of a fan of the sort of generic chardonnay you see everywhere, there are plenty of great white wines, including chardonnay (see the Wine of the Week).

2. Pick a really obscure wine, learn a little about it, and talk about it to the exclusion of all else. It’s impossible to know everything about all wines – there are just too many. That makes it relatively easy to put one over on most wannabe wine snobs. Some recommendations: Chinon, a red wine made from cabernet franc grapes in the Loire Valley in France. Trust me, you now know more about Chinon than most wine snobs. German Riesling. Riesling is so complex (there are about 50 dozen classifications, with bad-LSD-drug-trip-hallucination-inspired names like “Trockenbeerenauslese”) that only real wine experts understand it, and even some of them are faking it.

3. Don’t say stupid things like that guy in Vino 100. When tasting wine in public, keep your mouth shut unless you’ve mastered the Wine Snob’s “Wine Words of Wisdom”™. I’ll cover these words and phrases in a future column, but they are guaranteed* to make you look like a "Master of Wine" (such things do actually exist). In the mean time, don’t let your ignorance show. Just look serious, frown a lot, and look sternly into the glass as you taste the wine. If you want to look really, really serious about wine, spit. That’s right, don’t swallow the wine (yeah, I know that’s the whole point of drinking wine) – spit it out. I’ve never seen anybody do it at a tasting. Ever. That’s why you’ll look serious. People will fear you. You won’t have to say a single word. All the wannabe wine snobs will cower before you, knowing that only real wine experts spit. Effective at fending off the wine snobs, but let's face it, it's probably not a whole lot of fun.

Of course, the best strategy for dealing with your lack of knowledge about wine is to fess up right up front. "I don't know much about wine, but I'm learning as I go along." Any real wine enthusiast will be more than happy to share what they know about wine with you without making you feel two feet tall. Only a wine snob would use your confession of ignorance as an opportunity to rip your fragile ego to shreds and then grind it into the dust with the heel of their shoe.

So, the next time you’re wine tasting, relax and enjoy yourself. Just make sure to look around for me before you open your mouth.

*(Guarantee void any place with laws against fraud and false advertising)

Wine of the Week

2004 Leveroni Chardonnay
This wine was part of an evening tasting at Vino 100. Though I'm not a fan of grassy, oaky chardonnays, I was very impressed with this wine. This is a really good starter wine for new wine drinker, but also a great wine for serious wine drinkers. It's very smooth and creamy, without a lot of acidity, and that makes it easy to drink. However, it's got a solid structure and good flavors throughout. It's dry (as opposed to sweet), but with hints of butter and cream soda, and a touch of caramel on the finish. It would be really great with shrimp or light Thai food. Four stars. Available at Vino 100.

Jed Clampett and the French

2006-09-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

Jed Clampett and the French

Learning about wine can be scary and intimidating, with plenty of opportunities for you to look like Jed Clampett. My mission here is to help you avoid the more basic wine faux pas, and get you well on your way to being a wine snob in your own right!

First off, you have to worry about looking like a cretin in front of your wine snob friends (assuming you have any). Say you take a slug of Gallo Twin Valley Merlot and say something idiotic like, "hey, that's pretty good!" I can absolutely guarantee you that every wine snob within 50 miles is going to sneer and look down their nose to you - that is, if they even bother to acknowledge your pitiful existence.

So, what did you do wrong? To the wine snob, you made two fundamental mistakes. First, any wine with the name "Gallo" in it simply can't be any good, no matter how much you like it. Gallo, which has recently attempted to move into the more rarified circles of "fine" wine, will forever be dogged by their jug wine history. If you like Gallo wines (and there is nothing wrong with that), hide them from the wine snobs. Second, you chose a merlot. Tsk, tsk. After Miles (lead character in hit wine movie Sideways) said, "if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!", merlot's reputation fell dramatically along wannabe wine snobs.

OK, so we're off to a good start: hide the Gallo and hide the merlot.

The next thing you have to worry about is the fact that the French either don't know how to spell or can't pronounce their own language. I mean, who would ever guess that "beaujolais" is actually pronounced "boo-zho-lay"? Or that "Pauillac" is pronounced "pow-yak"? I mean, come on! Even worse, the French just love to throw away letters at the end of words. The last four letters in "Bordeaux" are pronounced as "o". Huh? Why not just spell it "borddo" or something? AND, you've got to keep in mind that if a word ends in a consonant, you typically don't pronounce it. If you were thinking that merlot was pronounced "mer-lot", you are in deep, deep trouble. That's right, it's "mer-low".

I'm not sure if the French did this deliberately because they hate English speakers or because they enjoy their own wine just a little too much, but regardless, French wine and French pronounciation aren't going away any time soon.

So! Let's have a little quiz.

Pinot Gris = "pee-no gree" (a variety of white wine grape)
Viognier = "vee-own-yay" (an increasingly popular white wine grape variety)
Coteaux du Languedoc = "coat-toe doo lang-eh-dock" ("Slopes of the Languedoc"; a wine region in southern France.)
Chateauneuf du Pape = "sha-toe-noof doo pop" ("The Pope's New House" - I kid you not - a small town and type of red wine from south central France.)

Practice inserting these words randomly into sentences, and looking sternly down your nose as you pronounce them with a pompous French accent and you'll be a wine snob in no time!

The reality, of course, is that wine can be complicated if you really want to understand it. It comes from France, Spain, Germany, and Italy - regions with hundreds of years of strange and quirky wine history. And now that wine is global, you have to deal with California, Argentinian, Australian and South African wines as well. In the coming months I'll do my best to help demystify some of the confusion, and hopefully taste some yummy wines in the process.

Why a Column on Wine?

2006-09-06T22:55:00.000-07:00

Draft of my first wine column for the Chico Beat:

Why a column on wine? That’s probably the first of several questions that crossed your mind when you saw this article. In order to head you off at the pass, I’ll answer them all for you now, and save us all a lot of trouble.

Q: Isn’t wine the preferred beverage of rich upper class hedonists detached from – and uncaring of – the rest of us who work for living?
A: Well, yes, I suppose it is, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t drink it too. Wine is a strangely magical liquid that is accessible to anyone.

Q: Don’t you have to be a pretentious snob in order to “enjoy” wine?
A: Not at all. Anyone can enjoy and understand wine. You only have to be a pretentious snob if you also want to be a pretentious snob about wine. That’s where I come in. No, I’m not a pretentious snob (though I’m hearing some disagreement from the peanut gallery). My purpose with this column is to turn you on to the enjoyment of wine, hopefully demystifying it a bit in the process.

Q: Don’t you have to spend an arm and a leg in order to get “good” wine?
A: Sometimes it seems like it, but that’s my personal problem, not yours. In fact, the “globalization” of wine (a topic for another day) has forced producers all over the world to produce better wines at reasonable prices. There has, in fact, never been a better time in all of history to get truly great wine at affordable prices. I plan to make it my mission in this column to find those great wine bargains and drink them down. I know it’s a heavy burden and a great sacrifice, but I feel compelled by an overwhelming sense of public duty to do it for you.

Q: Isn’t Chico a beer town? Why the heck are you writing about wine?
A: While I love beer (nothing like a Summerfest on a hot day!), there’s no conflict in loving wine too. And as some wise (but sexist) philosopher once said, “man can’t live on beer alone.” We are actually quite lucky in Chico to have three establishments devoted solely to the enjoyment of wine, as well as several others that carry a decent selection of wines for our purchasing pleasure. Over the next few months, I’ll review those establishments as well as a number of wonderful – and maybe not so wonderful – wines.

Q: Why are you doing this column in the Chico Beat?
A: Obviously, they’re desperate.

Q: Who the heck are you and what do you know about wine?
A: You know, I’m starting to get really tired of your questions. Don’t you have something else to do? Actually, this is the best question of the bunch. Do I have a lot of fancy wine credentials (preferably in impenetrable French)? No. Am I a “master sommelier” (whatever the heck that is)? No. Have I ever tasted anything more expensive than Two Buck Chuck? Truth to be told, I save the “Charles Shaw” for special events. Is there anything that would qualify me to write a wine column? Not that I know of, but I did drink three bottles of wine one night last month without blacking out. Mostly. Well, I don’t actually remember much about the whole business with the cookies, but otherwise I was totally there.

A Weekend Playing Fair - Part 2

2006-09-04T17:39:00.000-07:00

The only place open for food within 15 miles in any direction of Fair Play at 3:30 in the afternoon was the Gold Vine Grill, where we met owner Mary Kemp. Since we were the only people in the place at that early hour, we chatted with Mary as we looked over the wine bar menu (they start serving at 3:00). We ended up choosing the Greek-style Quesadillas, Portabellini Mushrooms, and Ginger-Shrimp Ravioli.

The quesadillas were tasty but not mind blowing, but the portabellini mushrooms were a delight. They weren't really "stuffed," though; a pate of sausage, spinach a cheese was piled on top of the cooked mushrooms. Though a bit unconventional, they were delicious, driven by the intensely flavorful sausage. As good as they were, they didn't hold a candle to the raviolis, which were just stunning. Gingery shrimp in a Chinese wonton, served in an incredible coconut broth brimming with Asian spice flavors. Yum!

While we ate, Mary graciously let us try several local wines from their wine bar free of charge. Most were from small wineries without public tasting rooms that either conducted tastings only by appointment or not at all. Several of these wines were particularly notable, including an Obscurity Barbara and a 2003 Bechard Herbert Vineyard Syrah. The latter had deep raisiny notes that brought up visions of hot summer days, as well as a surprising smoothness. We asked Mary how we could get some and she promptly called the winemaker and arranged to have them drop off a couple of bottles at the restaurant. Thanks Mary.

Mary also arranged for us to take a tour of Cedarville Vineyard, run by the extremely friendly and engaging Jonathan Lachs & Susan Marks. Like some of the smaller wineries in the area, Cedarville only conducts tastings by appointment. Jonathan gave us the tour of their facility, which was simple but surprisingly nice. The cement cave was particularly interesting. As for their wines - overall I found them too acidic and tannic for drinking now, but with good potential for aging. Their Syrah and Cabernet seemed the most promising, so we bought several bottles to cellar. I'm hoping that their wines are as ageworthy as they seem.

After all this wine tasting it was getting late and Jhan and I were pretty hungry, and so we headed for Restuarant Taste in the small town of Plymouth. Taste seems to be the new place in town, and already has a reputation as one of the best restaurants in the area. In that sense, it didn't disappoint. The salmon and roasted Rabbit were excellent, as was the cheese plate we had as an appetizer with a bottle of Cedarville Syrah. The syrah went extremely well with the cheese plate, particularly the "Roaring 40's" blue cheese, but unfortunately didn't pair well with the rabbit. Presentation and service were excellent, and we topped off the dinner with a Boston Creme Pie (excellent) and a Warm Ginger Cake with vanilla bean gelato (very good). Overall, I'd say that Taste lives up to its reputation and is well worth visiting again.

Saturday morning found us dozing in. We pretty much skipped breakfast, knowing that we would be lunching at the Gold Vine Grill.

Our first winery stop turned out to be Domaine de la Terre Rouge, which we had visited before. Terre Rouge (like Holly's Hill) specializes in Rhone-style wines, and is easily one of the better wineries in the area. We were the first customers of the day and tasted through several syrahs. My easy favorite - and Wine of the Trip - was the 2000 Sierra Foothills Syrah, notable for its strong earthy flavors and mellow complexity. I ended up buying a case of half-bottles on sale at a ridiculous $6.75 each. Jhan disagreed, preferring the 2001 Sentinal Oaks Syrah.

Our next stop - given that several people had recommended it - was Oakstone Winery. Though the location was beautiful and the people were exceedingly friendly, none of their wines were stunning. Their Reserve Cabernet was notable for having particularly huge tannins, but lacked structure for aging.

After the disappointment at Oakstone, we headed to lunch. We ate at the Gold Vine Grill, this time having a sausage sandwich and a tuna salad sandwich. Jhan's tuna salad was apparently excellent, but I was a bit disappointed in the sausage sandwich. I had been hoping for the same spicy, savory sausage they used in the mushrooms, but no such luck. Though good, the sausage in the sandwich was on the bland side.

After lunch (and a quick visit back to Cantiga), we headed to Granite Springs, whose petite sirah had been given raves by someone, sticking Granite Springs in my head as a place to go. The place was absolutely mobbed by people, which I've begun to suspect is an indicator of uninspiring wines. True to form, none of their wines were even mildly interesting, including their rather insipid petite sirah.

We finished off the day with a quick visit to Dillian Wines. With only two bottles of their Zinfandel left on the shelf, and less than a case of their sauvignon blanc, the place was pretty empty of both wine and people. Tom Dillian and his son were quite friendly, however, and we tasted the aforementioned wines as well as a pretty little 2005 Orange Muscat. The muscat would make a great gift wine; sweet, smooth and nicely packaged.

Although we had reservations for the highly rated Zachery Jacques near Diamond Springs, our hotel was in Sutter Creek, and we decided to go to Caffe Via d' Oro in downtown Sutter Creek instead. Given that it was Saturday night on Labor Day weekend, they weren't packed, and we had no problem getting in on such short notice. We started off with a Bibb salad, which was excellent despite the fact that you had to take it apart to eat it. Jhan had sea bass in phyllo dough, which was interesting, but not particularly tasty. I had a filet in an ancho chili rub, with sauteed mushrooms that was superior. The spiciness brought out plenty of savory flavors in the meat, and the texture of the mushrooms was the perfect compliment. The potatoes were a bit bland, but that was only a mild disappointment.

My main complaint about Via d' Oro is their wine list. Heavy on local zinfandels (which I mostly detest), they didn't have a wide selection of other interesting wines. We ended up buying mostly unmemmorable wines by the glass. The only one that was memorable was a 2004 Campus Oaks from Lodi that tasted like fermented raisins. Definitely different, but not good.

On Sunday our plan was to hit at least two wineries before heading home to beat the Labor Day rush, but we ended up visiting only one winery - Windwalker Vineyard. We'd been to Windwalker before, and fallen in love with their 2002 Lady in Red Bordeaux blend - easily the best wine in the Sierra foothill wine country. Over all, I find that Windwalker has the most consistently well made wines of any of the wineries that we've visited. This time around, their 2003 Barbera was a winner, with deep smoky flavors and just a hint of raisin. Where many barberas can be stern and austere, this wine was opulent and rich. The Sierra Sunset was a surprise as well. For an everyday wine under $10, this had a balance of fruit and richness lacking in most other vineyards cheaper cuvees. Many of these are just alcohol and grape juice, but the Sierra Sunset is a real wine.

The big disappointment - and the reason I wanted to stop there in the first place - was the 2003 Lady in Red. Where the 2002 could, in all seriousness, complete with any top-of-the-line Napa Cabernet, the 2003 was a much weaker effort. The nose was totally different and not strong, to the point of having a whiff of moldy pool cover. The taste was better, but not as full or complex as the 2002. Hopefully with some bottle age, the '03 will improve, but it looks like a disappointing year for the Lady in Red.

Wines of the Trip

Domaine de la Terre Rouge 2000 Sierra Foothills Syrah
Bechard 2003 Herbert Vineyard Syrah
Cantiga 2000 Cabernet Sauvignon
Holly's Hill 2004 Wylie-Fenaughty Syrah

OK, so three of the top four are syrahs. I'm not sure if that's me, or an indicator of what this area does well.

A Weekend Playing Fair - Part 1

2006-09-03T22:39:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's appropriate that my first post is devoted to a review of wineries visited in the Fair Play area of El Dorado County, California. Perhaps it will encourage me to play somewhat fair in my reviews of the areas wineries, instead of mercilessly slamming the ones I hated (Granite Springs) and unabashedly gushing over the ones I liked (Windwalker).

My partner Jhan and I spent the Labor Day weedend visiting about a dozen wineries in the Fair Play and Shenendoah Valley areas of Sierra Nevada foothills southeast of Sacramento in northern California. Most of you (whoever you are) have never heard of this area, but it's an up-and-coming wine area in a state blessed with some of the most over-hyped, over-run and over-priced wine areas in the country. Fortunately, that's not the case here. We spent a good hour and a half at a wonderful restaurant and wine bar in the middle of the Fair Play area - talking with the restaurant owner and tasting a variety of good local wines, and the whole time we were the only people in the place.

Unspoiled - for the most part, that's the word for this wine country. Though we did encounter small crowds at some of our stops, we were also pretty lucky in being able to spend a lesurely amount of time talking to wine makers and tasting wine without any pressure. Given that it was the Labor Day weekend, we kept wondering where all the people were.

Jhan and I had been to this area before - in March - and this time around we revisited several places we had been before. But we also visited a number of new places. The following are my impressions of the wines we tasted.

First stop: Holly's Hill Vineyards. This was the last place we stopped back in March when they were absolutely mobbed by a crowd of wine club members there for their first Rhone taste off. Holly's Hill prides itself on making Rhone wines and comparing their wines to Cotes du Rhone and Chateauneuf du Papes from France. Well, CdP is my favorite wine, and on our tasting in March I thought there was no comparion. The Holly's Hills wines were all much simpler and all seemed to have a residual sweetness that was unlike anything you'd ever get from France. Jhan and I were definitely unimpressed the first time around, but we also thought that we could have been affected by fatigue (being "wined-out" as we call it), and by the teaming crowd.

So we gave them a second chance as our first stop on this trip. I won't bore you with every wine we tasted. The one wine (I couldn't get them to let me taste their top-of-the-line "Patriarch" cuvee) that stood out head and shoulders above the others was the 2004 Wylie-Fenaughty Syrah. This was the one wine of theirs with a truly earthy complexity. This was a standout wine. I was already thinking "wine of the trip" the moment I tasted it. Well worth seeking out. Actually, overall, Holly's Hill wines are a clear cut above of the highly alcoholic zinfandel fruit bombs that many of the wineries in this area churn out. I would put them in the top ten of wineries to visit if you're going this area.

Next on our list was Sierra Vista Winery, right next door to Holly's Hill. Nothing much of note there. The Le Grande Syrah was worth tasting, but the rest of the wines were uninspiring. A disappointment. So let's move on.

Third on our list was Cantiga Wineworks, not because I'd heard good things or was impressed with their wine list, but only because I thought the bottle labels I saw on their website were the coolest I'd seen in a while. They had this whole cathedral theme going on that I really liked, and honestly, I wanted to see them in person. Jhan was skeptical. Tiny little tasting room, run by a strange lady who had to knock back a pretty good "taste" of each wine before pouring us any.

Regardless, I was pretty impressed by pretty much everything we tasted. Impressed in the sense that having been to the area before, we knew the preferred wine style: huge fruit bombs with alcohol in the 16% range. No complexity or character. It was all about the booze baby. But Cantiga completely ignores the conventional wisdom of the area. They make wines in a European style, often without malolactic fermentation. Wines that have character, complexity, and smoothness instead of fruit and heat. With the exception of Windwalker, I would have to say that Cantiga made the most consistantly smooth and complex wines of any place we visited. That's not to say that you'd like them, but they are well made wines. I was most particularly impressed with the 2000 Cabernet Sauvignon, of which I bought six bottles. Not to everyones' taste, but complex and full of character.

So far, we were off to a pretty good start. Two keepers in three wineries. But we were getting pretty darn hungry and our dinner reservations at Taste in Plymouth were 5 hours away. We had to find something, and that something turned out to be the surprize highpoint of the trip - and right around the corner from Cantiga.